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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what's the most tactless thing anyone has ever said to you?

456 replies

Squirrel78 · 15/06/2015 19:42

I've had someone come up to me today gushing "I didn't know you were expecting again?!" I'm not. Don't know who was more mortified - her or me! My stomach has grown over the last few months probably because I don't exercise enough. Now I'm tearful, depressed and embarking on a diet and the only thing that can cheer me up is s bit of shared misery!!

OP posts:

MrsEvadneCake · 17/06/2015 17:27

Ex friend...The way you look suggests you wouldn't be the type of parent I would want to know and or want my children to mix with your children. But it's ok. I know you are nice really.

SallyMcgally · 17/06/2015 17:31

I once tried a top on in a shop changing room and came out where my mother once. She took one look at me and said: 'Oh my God - we'll pay for you to have surgery.' I'm still bemused about what she meant.

MrsToddsShortcut · 17/06/2015 17:36

Relative: I've lost soooo much weight! (She had). I've lain some of my old clothes out on the bed -I was going to throw them out but then I remembered you".

Me: "I'm pregnant!"
Mum: "Oh no!" (I was 38 at the time and it was DS2)

Mum: (albeit pole axed by grief when DF died) "perhaps it would have been better if you'd died" (Er...thanks).

Might be a bit of a theme there...!

whois · 17/06/2015 17:43

I have quite bad scaring on one of my legs.

A girl at school in sixth form (old enough to know better) blurted out "eugh, what's that?!?"

At this point I'd known her for nearly a year so I'm pretty sure she would have seen it before.

Irony of it is she was a terribly ugly girl with pinched and harsh facial features and absolutely no boobs or bum. So it didn't upset me too much :-)

FuckingLiability · 17/06/2015 17:58

Oh yeah, me and my sister meeting some people for the first time (friends of friends). They gushed at how pretty my sister is, then turned to me, looked me up and down and said 'you must be her mother'.

She is two years younger than me and at the time we were both the same size and height!

bopoityboo3 · 17/06/2015 18:10

Two days after having DS I (stupidly) related to MIL a cute story about DD who, when seeing me for the first time after giving birth, had exclaimed 'Mummy your big tummy is all gone'. MIL then pipes up with, 'It hasn't really has it.'. I was fuming. Especial as she isn't exactly slim and I'd just had a sodding baby!!

SoupDragon · 17/06/2015 18:14

In conversation, an ex friend was talking about her XH's new wife and said "Her ex left her when she was pregnant - how bad must she have been?!"

Whilst I was sitting there with BabyDragon having been left by my XH 7 months earlier, whilst pregnant. Which she knew.

Ethylred · 17/06/2015 18:26

"Did you use to be beautiful?"

Ookmybanana · 17/06/2015 21:25

Aged 17, I won a music competition and had the honour of putting on a concert to showcase my music. After the concert I made a speech thanking everyone for coming and thanking my parents and the music teacher. During the chit chat over drinks afterwards the mother of the previous year's winner came up to me and said "I thought the best bit was the speech". It still hurts that I'd put so much effort into rehearsing and as an adult she felt it acceptable to behave that way.

I was a few months into a new job and fell unexpectedly pregnant but had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. Because I was so new in post I didn't feel like I could have lots of time off and was under pressure from my boss to come in so took the Thursday and Friday off, coming in after the weekend whilst still bleeding and in pain after a 90 minute commute. Made it through Monday, but cried on the Tuesday because of the shock of it all. I was whisked into a side room and told that I just need to suck it up because "the time for tea and sympathy is over and youhave a job to do". I was VERY pleased to hand my notice in 6 months later.

I wish I had had the wherewithal on both occasions to call these people on it but at the time I was either to young and naive or too shocked to do anything.

to anyone hurt by lack of tact.

Casmama · 17/06/2015 21:53

Not even in the same league as some of these but my rather elderly neighbour said about my baby DS "He's such a happy boy, he's always smiling- does he take that from his Daddy"

I replied "I suppose he must do cos I'm pretty grumpy" - I was joking but I think she was so embarrassed she practically ran away.

MrsDeVere · 17/06/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SallyMcgally · 17/06/2015 22:01

That's terrible mrsdev. Unbelievable x

Fromparistoberlin73 · 17/06/2015 22:32

From an ex

'You adds not my usual type , my friends are used to me with a glamorous girl on my arm '

And I was so young and beautiful back then - twat

nowttodowithme · 17/06/2015 22:41

After my failed IVF treatment, 'maybe you should accept the cards you've been dealt'.

When telling my parents I had PND 'what have you got be depressed about, you've got a lovely baby'!

When I was crying trying to breast feed post c section, my mother said 'no baby ever died from having a bottle, just give her a bottle' very helpful at the time

opalfire · 18/06/2015 10:45

Horrified at the awful things I've read here. A lot of what has been said isn't tactless it's malicious. Hugs to all who have had these unforgivable things said by people who really ought to be the most supportive, parents and health care workers.

Martintheamazingdesigner · 18/06/2015 11:47

Tiny bit of light relief, if I may...

My usual (cheekily catty) hairdresser couldn't fit me in so I missed seeing him for a couple of months. When I went back, he looked at my hair and sucked his teeth and said
"Who's been doing your hair?"
"My friend" I said.

And he said "well she doesn't know what a good friend you are..."

(Took me a while to process then I laughed at his evilness!)

thatsforsure · 18/06/2015 14:27

Cleaner at work asked me if I had felt the baby move yet. When I said I hadnt (early days in pregnancy) she said ' oh well it doesnt necessarily mean its dead'

paulapompom · 18/06/2015 17:00

Wtf! Much love to people on here who have been hurt by terrible comments. Bloody Hell some people are twats.

Mine are mostly funny:

Being measured for a bridesmaids dress the dressmaker screeched "oh my God What big hips you've got" then called over her assistant to guess my hip size. To make me feel better the assistant said a lot of it was bum! I was 19 and quite slim.

Woman at a swimming pool to me; do you mind me asking if your boobs are real

Before I could reply that they were, her friend chimed in with "of course they are, no one would pay to look like THAT! "

When pg with my Dds (twins) my fiance dumped me and kept our house (long story ). I moved into a tatty council flat in an area I didn't know with two new born babies and my mum in hospital recovering from a triple heart bypass. My ex asked my friend if I seemed a bit down. No shit!

At that same time a friend of the family phoned to ask how DM was after her heart attack and op. And asked "do you think it was all the worry about you that gave her the heart attack? " Thanks for that. DM fully recovered and saw my Dds grow up, and never blamed me for giving her a heart attack.

SallyMcgally · 18/06/2015 18:05

Not mine - but one of my friends had a beautiful baby girl after several miscarriages. Her MIL was very disappointed that she hadn't had a boy. When the baby was born she peered in the cot and then said: 'Huh! We'll never know what the others would have been.'

ScorpioMermaid · 19/06/2015 04:58

I was stood next to one of dh cousins, I was around 6 months pregnant and it was clear to see. A woman came up and patted dh cousins gut, congratulated her and asked when she was due. she wasn't. We were all a bit she just blurted out 'I'm not pregnant, I'm fat ' which she isn't particularly either. We laugh about it now but it was very cringworthy.

HemlockStarglimmer · 19/06/2015 07:58

"Oh [name]! What happened? You used to be so thin"! Said by the mother of a friend of mine.

She then went on to say that she'd always hoped I'd get together with her son if he ever split up with his partner. She said this the day after his partner's funeral. His partner was my closest friend in the whole world.

CoteDAzur · 19/06/2015 08:14

Hemlock - The best answer to that imho is "Oh [name]! What happened? You used to be so young!"

(Used in RL by yours truly in reply to a rude cousin who of course wasn't aware that I was 10 weeks pregnant with DD )

GERTI · 19/06/2015 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meerka · 19/06/2015 08:45

a short time after my very much loved adoptive mother died when I was 11

"God needed her more than you did"

What, all-powerful god needed my mother more than a 11 year old left with an inadequate and rather indifferent father?

Fuck that.

Germgirl · 19/06/2015 08:52

My mum died when I was 13, unsurprisingly I was affected rather badly by this.
One day I was talking to my ex-mil about it.
She said "my mum died last year" (mil was about 60 at the time, her mum was 95 when she died), she continued "so that's worse than you isn't it? I had my mum for my whole life then she died, you only had yours for a little while so it didn't matter"
Yes, becaus losing a parent when you're 13 and that parent is 42 is so much easier than losing a 95 year old.
Obviously losing a parent at any time is hard but is it really 'easier' if you've 'only' had them around for a few years?

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