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Original poster

To ask what's the most tactless thing anyone has ever said to you?

456 replies

Squirrel78 · 15/06/2015 19:42

I've had someone come up to me today gushing "I didn't know you were expecting again?!" I'm not. Don't know who was more mortified - her or me! My stomach has grown over the last few months probably because I don't exercise enough. Now I'm tearful, depressed and embarking on a diet and the only thing that can cheer me up is s bit of shared misery!!

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 16/06/2015 22:49

My boss when I was expecting my second child, 'put your feet up this Christmas, next year it will be all about the baby.'

Having lost my first child at 3 days old, really wanted to tell him I'd much rather be watching her open her presents.

But it was thoughtless not mean.

emms1981 · 16/06/2015 23:01

Me and my husband were going to an engagement party but I was taken ill and ended up in hospital, I had given birth 2 weeks before and they think I had an infection. I asked my dh if he could phone his mum to pass on the message that we couldnt make it.
Her reply was "you should have phoned earlier" Confused

DopeyDawg · 16/06/2015 23:19

spancake - I can relate to the stupid remarks about how you look after a C-Section.

My H, whom I had gone through IVF for, came back on morning after I had had C-Sec and said: 'god, you look like rubbish'. Sad

CornChips · 17/06/2015 05:39

Well-- I have been on the receiving end of people asking me if I am pg.But at least I was not as unfortunate as poor Zara Tindall Phillips who is on the (online version) of the cover of the Daily Fail today with lots of photos and questions about her stomach and is she pregnant again. She has a young child, and a tight dress, and looks basically how I look myself. Most definitely NOT pregnant, just not quite toned in that area.

FFS. Poor girl.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/06/2015 06:25

On a boat trip with DD. man comes over to us and says ' she's a pretty girl, it's such a shame she is 'like that'. In front of DD

Hmm
Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 17/06/2015 06:26

In for scan-twins discovered. I'm in tears of shock. Little student nurse sat there. "Oh that's nice"
On birth of twins, fil, "oh more boys" in a Mardy tone, I believe the words off and fuck were uttered.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 17/06/2015 06:29

I'm currently pregnant with twins- total shock. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks just before Christmas. When I told a colleague that there are two babies in my tummy, she said "Oh! How weird! It's like the other one came back!"

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/06/2015 06:31

bIL laughing to us about a friend who got a job 'driving the spazzy bus'

Then when I looked shocked, as DD has SN, he said 'oh don't worry, they're adults'.

Hmm
Pepperonipeteczar · 17/06/2015 06:33

My auntie had died of a pulmonary embolism whilst wrapping xmas presents 2 days before Christmas, a disabled friend said "shit happens, I'm in a wheelchair" he had been in one for over 20 years so I found his comment tactless and irrelevant.

My mom regularly tells everyone who will listen that "three kids was too many, we were heartbroken when we conceived a third" I am the third child.

Pepperonipeteczar · 17/06/2015 06:36

Oh and my old fave when we announced pregnancy to MIL

"Are you getting rid of it? I can help"

And when I thought I had lost my second child early in pregnancy.

"Has it come out yet? It will soon" in the middle of NEXT!

CornChips · 17/06/2015 06:40

We recently had a friend to stay. He has always been someone who makes little digs about this and that, and you never see it coming. Anyway, I am a freelancer and have no contracts lined up for a while. DH is a consultant, and is about to finish his latest one, also with no jobs lined up until Christmas. Both these things we are a little worried about, and had talked about a bit during 'friend's' stay. Anyway, when he left, DS asked 'why do you have to go?' and 'Friend' replied; 'Because I have to go to work tomorrow. Some adults work you know'. It was not a silly throwaway comment, it was a comment made with intent.

Anyway, it won't be convenient any of the next times he rings and asks to stay.

BeaufortBelle · 17/06/2015 07:00

Oh endless ones about pregnancy and miscarriage:

"Do you want it" (GP when I was pg for the second time)
"Are you crying because you wanted it" (recovery room after an ERPC)
Could you tell me what ERPC stands for please earlier that afternoon "Evacuation of the remaining product of conception" Oh, my baby, thanks for packaging that so nicely.
"Did you think about leaving a bigger gap between your babies?" There were 51 weeks between DS2 and DD (DS2 died when he was a few hours old).

All those tactless comments were made by health care professionals involved in caring for women at their most vulnerable. Comments made about 20 years ago and I'd like to think things have improved.

Idontseeanydragons · 17/06/2015 07:57

I have a slightly funnier one:
While 7 months pg with third child we went away for the weekend and my ex neighbour (genuinely lovely bloke) saw me as I was getting out of the car when we returned.
His first words to me were 'bloody hell Idont you weren't that big on Friday!' Yes. Yes I was. The only reply I could make was the middle finger while 'D'H sniggered away to himself in the doorway!
In his defence as soon as he finished the sentence his face dropped - he knew very well he had put his foot in it and spent 10 minutes apologising Grin

CatsCantTwerk · 17/06/2015 08:07

I think the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me was 'No wonder your step dad fucked you and your mother put you in care'. This came from my Boyfriends mother, I was 17 and was wearing a short (ish) dress, we were dressed to go into town on a night out. I will never forget those words for as long as I live.

I was in care from the age of 13 after being sexually abused by my sd. But apparently it was all my own fault in her eyes.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/06/2015 08:26

My mum had one of those staggeringly unthinking/uncaring HCP moments. She had to have an emCS under full GA for her 2nd child, who died hours after birth (terrible problems, poor baby). She was put onto the maternity ward, in a separate room thankfully but still. The matron came by at "feeding time" and said crossly to her "why aren't you feeding your baby?" Mum said "my baby died" and she just turned on her heel and walked out, no apology, nothing. Disgusting. :(

Thanks to all who've had such awful comments made to them.

I had my first MC just before Christmas a few years ago, hadn't even registered properly with the GP surgery. Went to hospital and they sent notes through to the surgery, so I thought I'd better go and see the GP so they could assign the notes, as it were. I saw him 2 weeks after the MC, was still fairly raw about it, and he said "oh well. you've already got one child, you're too old to have more really, you should just stop trying now". Thanks bastard. Had DS2 3y later and have made sure I never see that GP ever again.

WizardOfToss · 17/06/2015 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Archer26 · 17/06/2015 08:50

Mine feel very insignificant after reading some of these.Thanks To you all, some of the comments made me gasp.

We have an aunt in the family who is known to be hard work. Back story, my dsil is a model so is understandably very attractive. (Family gatherings are always fun for me!)

On my wedding day, in the welcoming line after the ceremony, everyone congratulating us and saying how they like my dress etc and my aunt kisses me on the cheek and says 'isn't sil gorgeous? She looks stunning today' and moved on! I smiled sweetly but wanted to poke aunt in the eye.

Same aunt, just after having ds, 'Oh he's so handsome! But then your dh is handsome isn't he and with sil in family he's bound to have good looks. And archer you're so...level headed' I took it on the chin and laugh about it now, it's an in joke in the family now.

Dh's gran who is lovely but clearly doesn't think said whilst I was pregnant. 'Oh you have got a big bump...but you are a big girl so you carry it well'. I was a size 12 through pregnancy! I think there's a compliment in there somewhere

Same lady 2 days after I'd given birth to her great grandchild asked ' will you lose the weight now?'. Even my mil winced at that one!

Costacoffeeplease · 17/06/2015 09:16

MIL to DIL - I would have thought you'd be an aunt by now

This was the first time MiL had seen DIL since she'd come out of hospital having had an ERPC for an MMC - other DIL was pregnant and had been to hospital the previous day mistakenly thinking she was in labour.

That was over 20 years ago, and although still married, the DIL doesn't see or speak to her MiL now, and I'm not surprised

BettyCatKitten · 17/06/2015 09:54

When I found out I was expecting twins during a scan, I was very shocked and even cried. Sonographer said to me "don't worry, we can terminate one of them if you want us to."
When my uncle was very ill in hospital having tests, Dr was looking through his notes and said to him "I bet you've got cancer!" he didn't.
HCP's seem to say the most inappropriate and tactless things.
Flowers for all of you who have lost loved ones.

TheMotherOfAllDilemmas · 17/06/2015 09:57

My mother is the least supporting parent I know, I don't remember any single time I told her of a problem when she didn't replied "you are so stupid, just look at how good your sister is at.... "

She said the same to the 3 of us. The only good comments we heard about any of us, happened while she was putting one of us down.

TheMotherOfAllDilemmas · 17/06/2015 10:00

I had an old uncle who had three heart attacks, he always repeated with anger what a paramedic told him while in the ambulance heading to the hospital:

  • You know nobody survives the third, don't you?
ladymalfoy · 17/06/2015 10:02

You've had a couple of days to get over it(mmc). Pull yourself together and focus on your DH.

Said by SIL. DH is her DB

Lambbone · 17/06/2015 13:39

Pretty trivial in comparison with some, but still made me Shock

I have a genetic condition, one of the symptoms of which is that the skin on my neck looks a bit like the skin of a raw chicken. It doesn't actually bother me.

Years ago my GP asked me if I'd be prepared to attend a dermatology conference, so that the delegates would have the opportunity to see someone with the condition for real (it's quite rare). There were a number of people there with this that and the other, all in our own booth so that the docs could come and look at us and ask us questions. It was a hoot actually, being an exhibit, and I enjoyed it very much.

However one woman who came with her little group to see me took one look, sucked her teeth and said "ooh that is nasty"

Bloody cheek! As it was, I just thought it was funny, but I bet some patients would be upset.

And even I've never forgotten it.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 17/06/2015 13:47

Gosh, so many of these are downright cruel!

Mine is tiny in comparison (though lingers): DH's GM telling me that the first grandchild "is always the most special". I am a second child / grand child (which she knew). Angry To be fair to her, because she was lovely, it was a genuinely tactless comment rather than anything more

Waywarddaughter · 17/06/2015 13:52

Oh squirrel...I had my twins two years ago and three people last week asked when I was due.....I'm thinking of burning my wardrobe (because of course that is to blame.....)

SnapesCapes, I cannot imagine how awful that was for you. I lost two pregnancies before I had my twins and all the way through the pregnancy I never failed to be surprised at how many people thought it was perfectly ok to say 'oh such and such had twins, well of course one died' or some other awful tale of high risk pregnancy gone wrong. What are people thinking? hug