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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

so pissed off that yet again I have been mugged off

174 replies

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 08:57

I'm probably being a selfish twat but I am just so pissed off right now and I cannot see any other point of view except mine. I am also nursing a sore head from last night.

we were due to collect dsc today at 1pm. This is the normal arrangement and we have them week on week off. dd is at her dads so Sunday morning lie in after a night out. you'd think wouldn't you. .

exw calls dp asking can we have dsc from 07.00am this morning as she has arranged something to do with her hobby. so he jumps out of bed shoves clothes on and goes off to collect them this is all very well and good.

I stay in bed, boys come home get settled then dp comes in to bedroom with tea, telling me that he is needed at his hobby today and is leaving to go at 08.30am.

I have been mugged off haven't I?

so the boys mother gets to go off and do her thing, boys father gets to go off and do his thing and here's me, nursing a mild hangover, being dragged out of bed to look after 3 dss (3,5,7 )

this is not the first time either.
Tell me I am BU to feel pissed off about this situation.

disclaimer: this thread is no reflection on how I feel about these boys

OP posts:

enviro300 · 14/06/2015 15:29

My ex did that too.....ate you his new partner by any chance
Sorry. Just kidding! It all sounds familiar. Hope it works out. You sound tougher than I was by a mile!

MythicalKings · 14/06/2015 15:29

Don't weaken, OP. Hold him to every promise. And never have the DSCs without him until he's learned not to take you for granted

enviro300 · 14/06/2015 15:30

*are you. Sorry, on phone in the bath hence mistake

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 15:31

I told him to advertise on facebook for his next member of staff...he seemed suitably embarrassed

OP posts:

Inertia · 14/06/2015 15:32

I don't even think he's apologised because you're pissed off- I reckon he's apologised because he's got you lined up to do some more childcare later on today or during the week.

I'd be tempted to go out with DD once she gets back.

googoodolly · 14/06/2015 15:34

I don't even think he's apologised because you're pissed off- I reckon he's apologised because he's got you lined up to do some more childcare later on today or during the week.

sadly, you're probably right. He sounds arrogant enough that he would continue to do what he's doing. He doesn't seem to give much of a shit about you if he's happy to just swan off doing his own thing regardless of what you want. You're not their parent or even their step-parent, why should you automatically take responsibility?

gamerchick · 14/06/2015 15:35

Yup I thought that ^^

gamerchick · 14/06/2015 15:35

Xpost

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/06/2015 15:36

What Inertia said.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 15:57

to the pp who mentioned about going back to help clear up after the tournament. absolutely spot on.

dp told them no. he is doing dinner while I take a bath

OP posts:

redshoeblueshoe · 14/06/2015 16:03

That was me, so glad he has the sense to get someone else to clear up - now I've written that it actually still seems wrong. (I think I'm confusing myself now )

textfan · 14/06/2015 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 16:31

That Facebook stunt was a real dick move.

Passive aggressive, manipulative, patronising shite.

RebootYourEngine · 14/06/2015 16:47

I wouldnt be looking after or doing anything for the dsc until he realises how much of a piss taker he is.

sykadelic · 14/06/2015 17:47

It's good that he's finally admitted that it was all planned.

Now ask him what he would have done if you had plans? He would have, of course, taken the kids with him whether they wanted to go or not. He shouldn't ASSUME you're free to look after his kids without first asking (and asking with the knowledge that you are perfectly entitled to say no, whether you have plans or not).

They are HIS children and thus his responsibility. If you choose to help it's because it's your choice, not because you're their baby sitter and his slave. Even if they were your children as well you would want to be consulted (and so would he) before plans were made for you.

I think a deeper discussion is needed. Including that you don't hate or resent his children, you hate and resent his attitude towards you and his lack of consideration.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 18:01

sykadelic. that's exactly how the conversation went tbh.

I was like 'I am a person, I have a voice and I do not appreciate plans being made for me'

cheeky fucker said I didn't have any plans so I corrected him and said that 'my plan was to lie in bed on MN with a flannel on my forehead' 'doesn't matter what the plans were, they were mine and should have been respected'

in all honesty I kinda went to town on him, and I do believe he listened and is suitably remorseful

once that conversation was had and I was happy with him taking my point on board it's just business as usual in the household.

I hope he realises. only time will tell

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 18:15

It seems a bit shit to have to explain to someone who is supposed to love you that they shouldn't tell lies so that they can take advantage of you.

Did his ex wife know that you weren't in on the plan? Is that why she conveniently rang?

If he was planning to bring the boys with him, why didn't he tell you about his new plan?

The truth is that he knew they wouldn't want to come and he planned to leave them with you.

He knew that when he watched you drink those extra shots and didn't mention that you would need to be up at 8.30.

Because he knew damn well that if he asked you, you might say no.

He sprung this on you last minute as an act of blatant manipulation.

And then when you dared to kick off he made a show of you by putting that crap on Facebook that everyone who knows you will have read as him making a point during a row. How embarrassing.

This guy totally has your number. And you just stuck around all day doing housework like a good little (non) wifey.

You didn't even reclaim the childfree hours he stole from you.

You are a pushover. He will have learnt from this. But not to actually respect you. Just how to play it better next time.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 18:27

I did reclaim the hours.
I went for a bath and painted my nails etc (ok it wasn't out the house) but while I was doing this he fed the children, kept them entertained and I had a good two hours to myself behind a closed door in my bedroom.
and he also said no to a request to go back to footie to help clear up.

too little too late maybe but I know the drill and I can be a pushover. but I am the only one placed to gauge the situation and act accordingly.

I take on board your commenta though

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 18:37

while I was doing this he fed the children, kept them entertained

They're not "the" children, they're his children.

Of course he fed and entertained them. That's what parents do on Sundays.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 18:40

sorry Bathtime, meant to say that my dd was home by that point too.

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 18:44

OK, fair enough. Although I think having three children when you should have none is a much bigger deal than having four when you would have three anyway.

He still owes you a full lie in.

What's his explanation for not telling you the boys were coming back at 7am?

And the phonecall?

Was that staged?

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 18:50

the phone call wasn't staged, she rang him to find out where he was as he was late. hence him getting up immediately and going out.

he did say yes to both, thinking that he would take dc with him as this was always his plan apparently. just that when they said they didn't want to go he thought he would go and as they were already here didn't think I'd have a problem with it.
he knows differently now.

his exw would not have been in on anything im certain of it

OP posts:

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 18:51

collecting boys early was written on calendar.
he assumed I had seen it

OP posts:

textfan · 14/06/2015 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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