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Original poster

so pissed off that yet again I have been mugged off

174 replies

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 08:57

I'm probably being a selfish twat but I am just so pissed off right now and I cannot see any other point of view except mine. I am also nursing a sore head from last night.

we were due to collect dsc today at 1pm. This is the normal arrangement and we have them week on week off. dd is at her dads so Sunday morning lie in after a night out. you'd think wouldn't you. .

exw calls dp asking can we have dsc from 07.00am this morning as she has arranged something to do with her hobby. so he jumps out of bed shoves clothes on and goes off to collect them this is all very well and good.

I stay in bed, boys come home get settled then dp comes in to bedroom with tea, telling me that he is needed at his hobby today and is leaving to go at 08.30am.

I have been mugged off haven't I?

so the boys mother gets to go off and do her thing, boys father gets to go off and do his thing and here's me, nursing a mild hangover, being dragged out of bed to look after 3 dss (3,5,7 )

this is not the first time either.
Tell me I am BU to feel pissed off about this situation.

disclaimer: this thread is no reflection on how I feel about these boys

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 11:24

just back.

kiss on the cheek and a thank you
I am silent.
I know there is no point arguing over what's been done but I am still pissed off especially now that I think he has played me.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 14/06/2015 11:25

OP, go out for the rest of the day and leave him to it.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 14/06/2015 11:26

I can read thanks Imperial. ExW called and asked himself to have them early and he said yes, and picked them up. So at that point they were HIS responsibility, not exs. She did nothing wrong, if he couldn;t do it he should have said no. He then passed it over, so OP is doing the childcare for HIM, not for EXW.

NickiFury · 14/06/2015 11:28

It doesn't really matter what time they were supposed to get them. Ex asked, he agreed so at that point they become his, as their other equal parent's responsibility. It's zip all to do with ex. He's their equal parent, he agreed to provide childcare then dumped them on OP. It's all on him.

NickiFury · 14/06/2015 11:28

Cross post winter, couldn't agree more.

RandomMess · 14/06/2015 11:30

Would actually be easier all around if switch days were changed to a week day so there can be no more weekend favours pulled?

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 11:33

I'm not blaming exw at all for this situation. I sincerely hope that's not how I've come across.

I'm now doing the PA take myself off upstairs out the way (huff)
aaargh...im such an arsehole.

I need to grab my shit and get out don't I?

only thing I need to do today is go food shopping, but feel like that's just playing the role of wifey...I want to seem like I have got interesting plans...someone hand me a grip

OP posts:
Charley50 · 14/06/2015 11:33

Are you sure he was at football?

Charley50 · 14/06/2015 11:35

Tell him you've had a last minute invite and he has to do the food shopping.. With his three in tow.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 11:37

yes I am sure he was at football

why would you say that

OP posts:
googoodolly · 14/06/2015 11:38

How does it help to say things like that, Charley?

Nowhere does the OP say she doubts his story.

CrapBag · 14/06/2015 11:40

I was going to say same as charlie. Tell him to do the food shopping with kids in tow. Tough shit on him.

Find something, anything else to do. Out for a quiet coffee, shopping for you.

Charley50 · 14/06/2015 11:42

Sorry. I dunno why I asked really. But yeah get him to do the food shop and go back to bed.

LIZS · 14/06/2015 11:44

You deserve the quiet time you had expected, even if you just stay at home and chill without any children around . When is dd due back?

Finola1step · 14/06/2015 11:51

Winter, if I've read the situation correctly, the two parents involved have 50:50 responsibility for their 3 dc. The arrangements in place were for the dc to be with their mother until 1pm at which time the father would take responsibility until handover at 1pm the following Sunday. Therefore, if for whatever reason the father has increased his hours today, it is a reasonable question to ask if the mother would be following suit next week. Some people do have such flexible arrangements.

The OP then subsequently gave more details about the background to her dp's decision. As well as her thoughts on my question.

It has nothing to do with who does or does not have a vagina. If there really is a 50:50 split and one parent does the other a favour, why shouldn't that time be paid back? Perhaps my thinking is somewhat clinical but is has nothing to do with gender or indeed, genitals.

MythicalKings · 14/06/2015 11:52

I would find out exactly when he knew he was expected to pick the DCs up that early. I think he knew already but didn't say because then you wouldn't want him to go to his hobby.

Also if the DCs don't want to go he should still have taken them.

Viviennemary · 14/06/2015 12:01

This is absolutely wrong. He should have looked after his children himself if he made other arrangements with his ex. It's really difficult but I don't think I'd be prepared to look after three children on a Sunday morning while both their parents were doing their own thing. HI think I'd be seriously considering a separation.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 12:08

Getting him to do the food shopping with kids in tow sounds a great. Maybe they might get And we just got the txt cancelling 5:15 gym class. to eat on way home as a reward for being good. Can he set off shortly so you get a hour before your DD is back home ?

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 12:08

I am furious now.
just tried speaking to him about feeling upset at being played in this way and how I felt he had taken advantage....before I even had a chance to finish he said that he had already apologised and he wasn't going over it again. its done now. then he walked off and refused to discuss further.

I am livid. typing here because I will not argue in front of kids (he is sticking to them like glue now)

how dare he! instead of being fucking grateful he is making me feel bad for having my say.

Angry Angry Angry

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 14/06/2015 12:11

Finola, none of that matters. Childcare arrangements are between the 2 parents, and are not the responsibility of the OP. And if the 2 parents choose to make changes to arrangements, that is between them, and he needs to ask OP properly if he needs her to help him out.

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2015 12:15

Oh I'd get myself out of the house until my child returned, then. Go to the cinema, go shopping or go to see a friend, but get out of the house and leave him to it. And tell him to do the shopping for the week, too. Fuck him.

googoodolly · 14/06/2015 12:18

Go out and leave him to it. He can deal with them on his own.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 12:20

yep just messaged a friend. cant be arsed with this shit

OP posts:
Ragwort · 14/06/2015 12:20

Just go out for the rest of the day, it doesn't matter where - go and sit in Costa with a book.

And think about this relationship - presumably you haven't been together for that long if his youngest is only 3? Do you want this to be the pattern of the rest of your life?

Have you committed to buying a house together? Can you live on your own with your DD and just 'date' this man if you really want to carry on seeing him?

I think it must be hard on the boys, they are very young to have to adapt to a 'step mother' in their life and two parents who seem to want to palm them off on each other. Sad.

Perhaps it is best for you to get out of this relationship?

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 12:20

He's not very nice to you, is he?

And he clearly feels entitled to treat you as staff.

He just butters you up so you don't notice you're being used.

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