Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so pissed off that yet again I have been mugged off

174 replies

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 08:57

I'm probably being a selfish twat but I am just so pissed off right now and I cannot see any other point of view except mine. I am also nursing a sore head from last night.

we were due to collect dsc today at 1pm. This is the normal arrangement and we have them week on week off. dd is at her dads so Sunday morning lie in after a night out. you'd think wouldn't you. .

exw calls dp asking can we have dsc from 07.00am this morning as she has arranged something to do with her hobby. so he jumps out of bed shoves clothes on and goes off to collect them this is all very well and good.

I stay in bed, boys come home get settled then dp comes in to bedroom with tea, telling me that he is needed at his hobby today and is leaving to go at 08.30am.

I have been mugged off haven't I?

so the boys mother gets to go off and do her thing, boys father gets to go off and do his thing and here's me, nursing a mild hangover, being dragged out of bed to look after 3 dss (3,5,7 )

this is not the first time either.
Tell me I am BU to feel pissed off about this situation.

disclaimer: this thread is no reflection on how I feel about these boys

OP posts:
Bellebella · 14/06/2015 12:21

I don't understand why people are blaming the exw in this situation. She asked their father if he would pick up the kids early and he agreed. Completely reasonable and not a problem. It is 100% the fault of the op's partner who then decided to dump the kids on her.

Op I would take yourself off this afternoon and do something for yourself.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 12:22

Yeap, off you go until your DD is due back. Can you collect DD, and take her off to costa, Starbucks, anywhere you can pass an hour or two?

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 12:30

But the 'I've already apologised, I'm not going to keep apologising' is not anuncommon male response. Whereas many women will be apologising over and over and over again.

Just in case knowing that gives you any bit of comfort.

Inertia · 14/06/2015 12:34

He's being utterly unreasonable.

In your shoes I'd be busy every Sunday morning for the next few weeks, whether that's with your daughter or with friends. You and your stepchildren are a family , but that doesn't mean that you have to pick up the fallout from both birth parents deciding to put their hobbies before their children.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 12:35

I'm not interested in the 'im sorry but I meant it' kind of apology.

I want the im sorry, in future I will take kids with me regardless of whether they want to or not and I will stop assuming that you will step in when I make plans kind of apology

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 12:36

I think I might just be busy every Sunday from now on.
he can take all 3 boys every sunday regardless

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 14/06/2015 12:49

Shock what a twatface. And hiding behind the children so you won't lay into him. How cowardly.

sleeponeday · 14/06/2015 12:54

Honestly, his boys should have had to go, whatever they wanted. If you weren't around they would, and you are not a free nanny for their parents.

You sound a lovely stepmum, by the way. Lucky boys to have you.

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2015 12:54

If this is going to be a problem in the future then the Sunday pick up/drop off times should probably be changed anyway. It does cut up Sunday, doesn't it?

sleeponeday · 14/06/2015 12:56

just tried speaking to him about feeling upset at being played in this way and how I felt he had taken advantage....before I even had a chance to finish he said that he had already apologised and he wasn't going over it again. its done now. then he walked off and refused to discuss further.

How fucking dare he? He exploits someone, then thinks he gets to decide how they react? Is he often a selfish and controlling knobjockey, or was this just a special occasion?

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 13:18

Sorry, somewhere along the way I thought you had dd together, after rereading thread I seem to be mistaken.

While you didn't the apology you looked for, when you both calm down, just make it clear to him if he makes arrangements for you without agreeing them with you in advance, that he will have to take kids
With him, that you won't be minding them. That its non negotiable.

redshoeblueshoe · 14/06/2015 13:24

Is he going back later to help clear up after the tournament ? (sorry to add that to the mix - but that's what my DH does). If he is you should go out and stay out. (till much later)

enviro300 · 14/06/2015 13:36

Hi I joined to say I know how you feel Angry divorced my ex due to him and his ex wife using me like this. From the first night I stayed over at his, he lay in bed all day as it was " my job now if I was in his family " to care for the kids. The ex wife was unemployed and had several boyfriends so I had the kids weeks at a time! Exh gave up work to be in a band so I worked 60 hours a week, while his ex went partying and he played gigs, smoked weed and rehearsed, I picked kids up and done all the childcare for them, free! Wised up after 2 years and booted him out. Sorry for hijacking, just know how frustrating it is when their decision to have kids is suddenly YOUR responsibility!

gamerchick · 14/06/2015 13:39

I really think I would go out for the day and in future spend those saturday nights elsewhere and come back when it's time to collect my child until a message has been received.

Get yourself out for a bit and don't do any good shopping today.

Tryharder · 14/06/2015 13:53

YABU. It's 2-3 hours. Put them in front of a DVD and get back to bed.

clam · 14/06/2015 13:54

You're completely missing the point, Tryharder.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 14:22

I'm a pushover.
I try to live my life with the motto...dont give anyone any ammunition to use against me.

so I did do the food shopping and now ive come home and am cleaning the bathroom.

I feel I have conducted myself well so nothing can be said about my behaviour.

I do this in most situations. time for a change in tact I think.

he has given the boys lunch at least. im still waitinh for dd to come home but do you know what...he can do dinner and all the other shit that comes with it.

I am refusing to look after his children on training night this week too...and whenever else until he gets the message.

I would love to go out all day and would if I had the money/fuel/friend to do so with.

I expect you will all be banging your keyboard in frustration at me right now. I actually feel sick at myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 14:25

enviro. thanks for coming on to comment, you are well versed in dealing with the shit that comea with having a selfish fella Grin

maybe I will get to the end of my tether.

although this is just a tiny snapshot of my life...in general we are a team with the odd bouts of selfishness and entitlement on his part.

I have been given food for thought on this thread which I am mulling over.

OP posts:
enviro300 · 14/06/2015 15:08

Hello! Yes I was exhausted. I let the little things go and it snowballed into the situation I posted. Nip it in the bud. My gorgeous dd and I have a great life now, few years on, just back from a lovely holiday with my DP of a year who is shockingly amazing! My point is he can only take advantage if you allow it. My ex actually had a shouting tantrum if I asked him to get up with the kids ( I worked some nights in my job. Odd industry ) as I was the woman and I should WANT to and I must not love his kids blah blah. So not as bad as yours! But do put your foot down. You're the stepmum. Not a convenient addition to their lives. Nice to meet you all btw Grin

RandomMess · 14/06/2015 15:14

Your DD free time - mark it on the calendar as busy/unavailable/going out.

I would be so angry if that is the only "me" time you get how dare he just assume you will look after his dc without being ASKED.

googoodolly · 14/06/2015 15:20

You don't need to go anywhere expensive OP, just make yourself unavailable - even if that means locking yourself in the bathroom for a bath or going for a walk or the library or to a coffee shop with a book!

So long as you stay home and do stuff for him, he'll keep making plans and dumping the children on you. They're his DC, if he's busy HE needs to arrange childcare, not automatically assume that you'll step in.

enviro300 · 14/06/2015 15:23

Googoodolly well said. I'm ( divorced ) proof of that ??

redshoeblueshoe · 14/06/2015 15:24

So you need a hobby that keeps you busy - training evening, and all football sessions - I've no idea what but I bet someone here has one Smile

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 15:25

I have to laugh.
he has just posted a status on facebook thanking me publicly for my support in order for him to do x,y,z...not possible without me etc etc.

he has never posted a status on facebook the whole time we have been together! laughable really.

so I went downstairs and we had a full and frank discussion.

the morning footie and early collection was planned and he apologised for not checking with me first.

regarding the dsc, they didn't want to go and he didn't want to force them. it was genuinely his plan to take them with him.

he said that he understands my irritation and is sorry, won't happen again blah blah.
promises to check with me in future blah blah blah.

we will see

OP posts:
googoodolly · 14/06/2015 15:27

He's only apologised because you're pissed off!

Swipe left for the next trending thread