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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so pissed off that yet again I have been mugged off

174 replies

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 08:57

I'm probably being a selfish twat but I am just so pissed off right now and I cannot see any other point of view except mine. I am also nursing a sore head from last night.

we were due to collect dsc today at 1pm. This is the normal arrangement and we have them week on week off. dd is at her dads so Sunday morning lie in after a night out. you'd think wouldn't you. .

exw calls dp asking can we have dsc from 07.00am this morning as she has arranged something to do with her hobby. so he jumps out of bed shoves clothes on and goes off to collect them this is all very well and good.

I stay in bed, boys come home get settled then dp comes in to bedroom with tea, telling me that he is needed at his hobby today and is leaving to go at 08.30am.

I have been mugged off haven't I?

so the boys mother gets to go off and do her thing, boys father gets to go off and do his thing and here's me, nursing a mild hangover, being dragged out of bed to look after 3 dss (3,5,7 )

this is not the first time either.
Tell me I am BU to feel pissed off about this situation.

disclaimer: this thread is no reflection on how I feel about these boys

OP posts:
googoodolly · 14/06/2015 09:19

Oh, my bad. I thought your OP meant you just had them Sunday afternoons! Sorry.

Was his hobby time pre-arranged before he collected the boys? Because if so, he should have checked with you before agreeing the early start with the ex. If it wasn't pre-arranged, he shouldn't have gone!

CombineBananaFister · 14/06/2015 09:19

I was just thinking that tssdncop HAHA! What could it possibly be.

Op, it's only 1.5 hrs, put a dvd on for them and you have a chillout. He should have asked first then maybe you wouldn't have minded instead of it being assumed?

TwartFaceBeetj · 14/06/2015 09:21

TSS yes me too,

I also wanted to ask if ex does the same hobby

googoodolly · 14/06/2015 09:22

X-post. Sounds like maybe ex's childcare fell through if she didn't get in touch until the last minute? In which case it's only reasonable that their dad picks up the slack, although he should have stayed home with them and not left without checking first.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 14/06/2015 09:22

Yes, I'd be really pissed off, and have also been in the same position.

And who phones at 7am changing their plans? Would DP's ex be ok if he did that to her? My husband's ex used to change her plans/not tell us until last minute about things she'd organised for DSS on our weekend with him/ask DH's mum to babysit while she went out for night with new husband. But on rare occasion DH tried to change anything she refused and said it was "his responsibility as a parent".

(I also get on really well with DSS.)

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 09:22

haha Twart. Grin

I knew one of you would come out with that!

I would wonder the exact same

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 14/06/2015 09:24

just seen update. All a bit unfortunate then, picked kids up then asked to step in so not preplanned and expecting you to pick up pieces, that makes it less arseholish. What would you have said op if he'd asked you to mind them so the football went ahead, would you have been okay then?

TwartFaceBeetj · 14/06/2015 09:25

Grin I didn’t want to be so suspicious. think I read to much mn Grin

GlitzAndGigglesx · 14/06/2015 09:26

I agree with MyPelvic it's not fair on you especially not with a hangover!

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 09:26

Normally he would take the kids with him, what I also expected (as its kids footie afterall and two eldest play for the club)
but dp said they didn't want to go..

OP posts:
NickiFury · 14/06/2015 09:27

I don't think the ex did anything wrong by asking. Who better to ask when childcare plans have fallen through than the other parent? He, on the other hand should either have said no or stayed at home with HIS children. I would be pissed off too.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 09:28

so how do I act when he comes home. I don't want this ruining our day.

what is reasonable of me to do/say?

OP posts:
TwartFaceBeetj · 14/06/2015 09:29

the situation now sounds like it's just one of those things.

But yanbu to feel pissed off about it.

Altinkum · 14/06/2015 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

funchum8am · 14/06/2015 09:31

He should have taken them with him! Children don't get to dictate what is going on in that situation. Explain to him that he needs to ask you before a)changing plans to accommodate exw and b) changing plans to accommodate football.

C) you need a time consuming hobby!

Finola1step · 14/06/2015 09:32

In your position, once he's home at, I would slope back off to bed for a couple of hours. Then do something nice together after a late lunch.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 09:34

he sees it as his hobby Altinkum. he loves it (and he refers to it as his hobby)

OP posts:
Finola1step · 14/06/2015 09:34

Just spotted in your thread title "yet again". So does this kind of thing happen on a regular basis?

TwartFaceBeetj · 14/06/2015 09:35

If he's home at 11 then, maybe just reiterated, that in future he needs to think about it and ask you, Before making snap decisions.

Then just get on with the rest of your day.

but maybe if You have already had the same conversation in past. Then more seems to be needed to be talked about.

Sorry

crje · 14/06/2015 09:35

Yanbu but it's not too bad.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle · 14/06/2015 09:36

Why did ex only realise at 7am this morning that she was running a marathon?! (Or training.) Or was it prearranged? In which case not quite so bad.

Ragwort · 14/06/2015 09:39

Agree with funchum - he should have taken the children with him - why is he pandering to the children about what they do or don't want to do. Confused

All he needed to say was 'yes, I'll pick them up at 7am and they will come with me to the football'.

I think your DH is the one at fault here for just not taking the children with him.

But decide what you want to do for the rest of the day rather than seething about it - why don't you just go out on your own for a lovely, child free afternoon?

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 09:39

I think I'd be reminding him that I was an actual person and not just there to do work he didn't fancy.

The answer to the boys not wanting to go with him was "tough shit, you're going."

It sounds like you are bottom of the pile.

Original poster
CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 09:40

it has happened before.

and thinking about it more I reckon he knew about these things cropping up and didn't tell me.

phone call this morning was more like...ok sorry, I will be there now and he gets up and goes odf to get them.
There was no time for exw to ask/explain situ.
it is feasible that arragements were made for him to collect boys already and she was calling to find out where he was.

also, last night he was giving me all the chat about how he loves me and is so happy with how I support him with his footie commitments...

am I being overly suspicious or was he putting in some groundwork!

OP posts:
googoodolly · 14/06/2015 09:41

He should have taken them to football regardless - children often have to do things they don't want to do!

However, is minding them for a few hours really worth a massive row? Just say to him you'd appreciate being asked next time and that he should have taken them with him. Hopefully he'll just apologise and say he didn't think, and that'll be it.

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