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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

so pissed off that yet again I have been mugged off

174 replies

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 08:57

I'm probably being a selfish twat but I am just so pissed off right now and I cannot see any other point of view except mine. I am also nursing a sore head from last night.

we were due to collect dsc today at 1pm. This is the normal arrangement and we have them week on week off. dd is at her dads so Sunday morning lie in after a night out. you'd think wouldn't you. .

exw calls dp asking can we have dsc from 07.00am this morning as she has arranged something to do with her hobby. so he jumps out of bed shoves clothes on and goes off to collect them this is all very well and good.

I stay in bed, boys come home get settled then dp comes in to bedroom with tea, telling me that he is needed at his hobby today and is leaving to go at 08.30am.

I have been mugged off haven't I?

so the boys mother gets to go off and do her thing, boys father gets to go off and do his thing and here's me, nursing a mild hangover, being dragged out of bed to look after 3 dss (3,5,7 )

this is not the first time either.
Tell me I am BU to feel pissed off about this situation.

disclaimer: this thread is no reflection on how I feel about these boys

OP posts:

Finola1step · 14/06/2015 10:37

Hmmm... I think you are a kind and generous person who is being taken advantage of.

Anyone else wondering why the dp was so keen to help out the exw with her childcare problem? Even though he knew he had plans?

Why didn't he just say "No sorry, can't help this time. I'll pick them up at 1pm as agreed".

SuburbanRhonda · 14/06/2015 10:38

Why not make your own regular arrangement for your child-free Sunday mornings? Sure, the temptation is to lie in bed, but if you make yourself unavailable, this particular piss-take won't happen again.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 10:38

finola..see my last comment which cross posted.

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 14/06/2015 10:39

She can't take his kids away.

She has marathons to run

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 10:39

Not very nice to be the one person a people pleaser can't be arsed pleasing.

He's already walking all over you.

He and his ex wife have collaborated to steal your Sunday lie in on your childfree Sunday.

This is why men with children always get a new partner ASAP - childcare. That's what you are to him.

Finola1step · 14/06/2015 10:41

X post. Ah, so you then get caught in the middle.

If I were you, tonight after the dc are in bed, sit your dp down and tell him straight.

Question for you...your DD is at her Dad's. I'm assuming she is due back today. What would happen if you arranged an activity for yourself? Would you call your ex and arrange for your ex's gf to have your DD for a few hours so you can do your own thing? If the answer is no, then you know full well that you are being taken for granted.

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2015 10:43

Not only would she never let him stop seeing the children (marathons to run, men to shag) she wouldn't legally be allowed to do it, either. If the situation works for everyone at the moment then she wouldn't have a leg to stand on if her reason for stopping him seeing the children was that he wouldn't let her leave them with him for longer than expected! It's about as poor a reason as you could find!

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 10:43

rhonda
I have tried to tell him this.
she will need him.
she is going away for two weeks over xmas and new year so needs us to have boys for full festive period - which is great on our part

the point I try to make is that he needs to stand up to her and weather the storm effectively until she calms.

but dp doesn't want to go any more than one week without his boys so he would never chance it

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 14/06/2015 10:47

But he's quite happy to "chance" pissing you off so much that you leave.

I guess he figures it's not that hard to find a live in babysitter with benefits.

Some women just love being needed.

Bit shit for your daughter if this kind of shit happens a lot and her time with her mother is constantly turned into shepherding her mum's boyfriend's 3 sons around.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 10:49

ouch Bathtime

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2015 10:50

If he wants them there so much then he has to put the effort into looking after them himself. It's completely unfair that you have to look after his three when your own child isn't there.

grapejuicerocks · 14/06/2015 10:54

Oh, he so owes you now. Keep that banked for a long time. You can benefit from this a lot.

It is a difficult position to be in - always feeling she has the power, but he has to understand he has to consider you too.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 11:02

11am. no call. no sign of him

OP posts:

FlappertyFlippers · 14/06/2015 11:02

Have a chat with him when he gets home. Say you are no longer willing to babysit dc for the sake of his hobby. You're fine looking after them when you've both agreed the arrangements prior to this, you're happy to be with them and merge your family units but be clear that you feel pretty used when he knows you have a hangover and he still abandons you with the dc for his hobby.

RB68 · 14/06/2015 11:04

I would get them tent building in the living room, baking in the kitchen, playing in the mud making mud pies and traipsing through the house and when he gets back say - oh just off out shopping - can you do the clear up as I did the entertainment - ta, back for tea, can we have roast dinner??? Chicken in the fridge. I'll get something for dessert, don't worry about that.

Original poster

CoolAs10Fonzies · 14/06/2015 11:06

RB. I like your style, that made me laugh.

OP posts:

afterthought2 · 14/06/2015 11:06

I would imagine he has said yes to both people, before realising there was a clash. Maybe I am being swayed because of the nature of his hobby (rather than it being something completely self-indulgent). I also run a club for children (Guides) in my spare time and if I've agreed to something I can't just drop out as although it is my hobby, it is also a commitment.

I spent hours as a child on the side lines of a football pitch as my stepmother refused to look after me. I hated it as it was so boring. I wouldn't have minded being left at home with her, but being forced to go with him really made me feel like I wasn't part of the family.

I realise my comments probably aren't helpful. Unless he is usually like this I think it is possibly just one of those things, he has tried to please everyone then realised he's messed up. I can understand why you would feel annoyed though, as I would be too if my precious alone time was taken away.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 14/06/2015 11:07

But you are in fact providing childcare for the ex wife, not your dp. Will she be offering the same in return next Sunday?

Seriously? Cos children are always the responsibility of whoever has a vagina? Exwife asked her childrens other parent to have them. He agreed, and took them. HE dumped them on OP. That has nothing at all to do with the ex-wife.

And all the nonsense about "he needs to stand up to her, he needs to say no to her". Bollocks. He needs to look after his own 3 children properly and stop being such a tool.

LIZS · 14/06/2015 11:08

Hmm ex didn't suddenly wake up this morning and decide to do a run, it was planned well ahead. P should have said no - to either her or the club - otherwise could he not have taken his Ds with him. You are a soft touch and need to be given the option to refuse and respected.

differentnameforthis · 14/06/2015 11:10

I don't blame you..that's why the I am MNing, so am not criticising!

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/06/2015 11:12

He should have taken them or football. That they didn't want to go doesn't come into it.

Failing that's, I'd have told him stick 3yo I front of tv and the older ones on the laptops etc, and warn them to be good and quiet until you get up. And give them their breakfast and necessary bribed for the plan to work.
At 3+5, my DDs would go down stairs together, get their cereal and either play or watch TV. have to say though that they were placid little girls.

AlternativeTentacles · 14/06/2015 11:17

I would imagine he has said yes to both people, before realising there was a clash.

Nah - he knew it was coming, and planned and executed it well. The domestic appliance just needed a cup of tea in bed to work properly.

ImperialBlether · 14/06/2015 11:18

No, Winter, but they weren't meant to be having the children until 1pm today, so until that point they were his ex's responsibility.

AlternativeTentacles · 14/06/2015 11:20

I'm betting they don't go back at 7am next Sunday ;)

MythicalKings · 14/06/2015 11:20

It's gone 11 - is he back?

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