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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting my 5yr old to go on school trip

151 replies

mumtoaninja · 11/06/2015 14:20

DS (2nd child so not a case of pfb) has not long turned 5 and is in reception.
School do a seaside trip (80 miles away) every 3 yrs with all EYFS & KS1 classes, about 90 kids in total.
When DD went on this trip 3yrs ago, I was on edge all day, watching the clock and waiting for her safe return. I suffer with anxiety which is much worse now than it was then so I know I will be a nervous wreck for the entire day DS is away...I already am just thinking about it!
AIBU to not sign the consent form and just keep him home that day? Going with the school as a volunteer isn't an option as they no longer have parents accompanying on trips.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 11/06/2015 14:22

Your response imo is disproportionate. Seek help for your anxiety as ime it usually at some point transfers from parent to child.

MarthaMonkeynuts · 11/06/2015 14:22

May I ask, what in particular your concerns are? If you can identify specific concerns perhaps school can address them?

TagineKaput · 11/06/2015 14:22

What are you worried about? It seems a bit unfair for him to miss out when all his classmates will be going, and probably excited about it and talking about it before and after.

Why don't you make plans for that day so you're busy and not constantly thinking about him.

TwinkieTwinkle · 11/06/2015 14:24

Can you not volunteer to help on the trip? It seems like such a shame for your DS to miss it.

GobblersKnob · 11/06/2015 14:24

I wouldn't want a just turned five year old to be that far away form me, (unless with grandparent or similar close person) especially not in a group that big. YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 14:25

What have you done to get your anxiety under control?

Are you getting any help for it?

I'm afraid it's not fair to curtail your DCs activities because if it.

MothershipG · 11/06/2015 14:26

Sorry but YABU, you admit that this is all about your anxiety. It's not really fair to deprive your DS of a fun day out because of it. That's not to belittle how you feel, but can you see that if your anxieties are affecting your DC then you need to get help with them?

MrsHathaway · 11/06/2015 14:26

That would be an unauthorised absence. More likely he would be expected to go to school and sit in an older class, or be looked after with any other children not going.

Can you identify the focus of your anxiety? Do you think a dose of diazepam on the day would help? Are you currently on treatment.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/06/2015 14:27

I don't think. It's fair your child misses out because of your anxiety. It's up to you to deal with it, not your children to miss out to prevent it.

It sounds tough but please seek help Flowers

CatsCantTwerk · 11/06/2015 14:28

It seems extremely unfair that your child should miss out due to your anxiety.

Let your ds go and book an appointment with your gp.

Wolfiefan · 11/06/2015 14:30

I'm sorry but I agree with the posters who say you need to deal with your anxiety. You can't let your anxiety stop your child enjoying a day out.

Soduthen116 · 11/06/2015 14:31

No op you are not being unreasonable. He's 5. He's a baby. I think some of these school trips are bloody stupid to he honest.

Look my dd was very badly injured on a school trip at 12. She's has been away again since and that was bloody hard to let her but I did.

So I understand your anxiety and I have stopped my kids going on trips at 4/5 I considered too far away or too much for them before dds accident.

It's your call. Honestly what on earth are they missing out on at 5? They won't even remember it.

However op you know he will have to go away at some point so think how you can overcome your anxieties for the future.

And people please don't tell the op to just basically 'man up' belive me anxiety is a real issue that affects lives and not a case of just getting on with things.

CatsCantTwerk · 11/06/2015 14:34

Soduthen116

Telling op your child was injured on a school trip will help her anxiety how? Hmm

whereismagic · 11/06/2015 14:35

So if you allowed your older child to go on a rip and now that your anxiety is worse you don't want the younger to go then their world is going to gradually shrink just as your anxiety keeps expanding. I don't think it's fair on your kids. Why don't you explore how you can deal with it without limiting your children's experiences?

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 14:35

He's not a baby, he's a five year old child.

School trips have the shit risk assessed out of them these days and the ratio of adults to children has never been higher than it is nowadays.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/06/2015 14:37

No one's told her to man up Hmm

It's been suggested kindly she seek some help so her children don't have opportunities taken away because she can't deal with it.

BarbarianMum · 11/06/2015 14:38

OK. Your ds will be gutted but he'll get over it.

But what next? What else will he have to miss out on to 'feed the beast'?

Yokohamajojo · 11/06/2015 14:41

I also think you should let him go, both mine have been on the seaside trip and loved it! as others have said, the staff/child ratio is probably higher than on a normal school day! so think of it that way. I can appreciate your anxiety but it's a bit unfair on your child tbh. Perhaps talk to one of the adults that are going and just say you are a bit nervous (no need to specify why) and I am sure they will keep an extra eye on him and reassure you

Floralnomad · 11/06/2015 14:42

It's VU for your child to miss a trip because of your anxiety issues ,if you are that worried get yourself to the place and observe from a reasonable distance - don't spoil your dcs childhoods with your irrational fears ,get help.

TRexingInAsda · 11/06/2015 14:43

Yes yabu. You know the problem is your anxiety, it's not fair to deal with your anxiety by restricting your children's opportunities. If your anxiety worsens even further, will you stop them going to school at all? Go to your GP, sort out your anxiety, you shouldn't let it affect decisions about your child's educational and social life.

PerspicaciaTick · 11/06/2015 14:46

I know several mothers who are very anxious about their DC going on school trips. Mostly they recognise that this is something they need to allow for their DCs benefit and find ways of managing their anxiety in public. I'm not saying they find it easy, but they do mostly cope and the DCs have as good a time as their classmates.

TwinkieTwinkle · 11/06/2015 14:52

Soduthen I really think you need to reread the comments hear. Everyone has been very understanding and kind to OP. No one has said, or even remotely implied, that she needs to 'man up'.

Hmm
Slippersmum · 11/06/2015 14:52

It can feel scary to leave your dcs in the care of other people especially on trips. I do feel for you. Why doesn't the school allow volunteer helpers? Never heard of that, normally its the more adults the better.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 11/06/2015 14:53

YABU. You seem to say that the issue is your anxiety rather than eg any concrete health and safety reason.

You should let DC go, and seek (further) help for your anxiety. I'm not trying to minimise your feelings, but it is not fair on DC to let your anxiety issues impact on their life (as far as is possible). FWIW I would feel exactly the same as you, but would let DC go because of the benefit to them.

PatriciaHolm · 11/06/2015 14:55

Honestly, the solution is to try and treat the anxiety, not to feed it by giving into it. Your child will have a fab time with all his friends, and the trip will have been planned to the nth degree by the school.

What kind of treatment have you had so far?