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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting my 5yr old to go on school trip

151 replies

mumtoaninja · 11/06/2015 14:20

DS (2nd child so not a case of pfb) has not long turned 5 and is in reception.
School do a seaside trip (80 miles away) every 3 yrs with all EYFS & KS1 classes, about 90 kids in total.
When DD went on this trip 3yrs ago, I was on edge all day, watching the clock and waiting for her safe return. I suffer with anxiety which is much worse now than it was then so I know I will be a nervous wreck for the entire day DS is away...I already am just thinking about it!
AIBU to not sign the consent form and just keep him home that day? Going with the school as a volunteer isn't an option as they no longer have parents accompanying on trips.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 16:19

That's a long time on a coach for 2 hours at the seaside I agree OP.

But that's not the problem is it?

The problem is your anxiety so well done for deciding to go back to the doctor.

BlondeRoots · 11/06/2015 16:20

As others have said, this is a very high level of anxiety to have about a perfectly normal (and fun) day trip for your school age child. Are you generally anxious? I hope you can get some help. Anxiety is awful x

teatowel · 11/06/2015 16:25

I know I'm missing the point but two and a half hours each way with a group of 5-7 year olds -complete madness. It's not a safety issue OP don't be anxious about that it's just a boring horrible journey for two hours on a beach. I would want to talk to the staff about why they choose such a long way to go for an end of year outing. Maybe they have good reasons I would struggle to find one I think.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 11/06/2015 16:27

Hand in the form. Your child will remember the trip for years to come. The teachers will take care of your child.

Definitely see the GP and get some help.

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2015 16:29

How is it fair your child misses a trip so you feel safer you need to deal with your anxiety so your children dont feed of it what would you tell your 5 yr old when they wonder why they didnt go to the beach with their school. Go to the Drs deal with this let your child go and plan to do something with the time they are gone

ApeMan · 11/06/2015 16:34

This is absolutely horrible to have to do, OP, but you should probably really let the trip happen and try to get through the anxiety.

YANBU, anxiety is a horrible thing! Still, you might BU if you didn't ever get the support you need and try to let your children have fun, so get onto the doctor, perhaps get a friend or loved one in for support and most of all give yourself a number of thoroughly engrossing things to do on that day.

Good luck! Flowers

MrsHathaway · 11/06/2015 16:39

Five hours on a coach for two hours on the beach is nuts. IIRC eighty miles (as the crow flies) is the maximum distance anyone is in the UK from the sea so I'm going to guess that OP is in Oxon/Berks ish. There must be a hundred suitable destinations an hour closer to school. Could they save the beach for a residential in a later year when the distance would be worth it?

Good luck, OP.

Bonsoir · 11/06/2015 16:41

The travel time: activity ratio for this outing is appalling. Just say no.

Andrewofgg · 11/06/2015 16:45

Properly handled the travel time can be as much fun as the activity when you get there. The OP's son will feel left out if he does not go.

Soduthen116 · 11/06/2015 16:48

A 5 year old remembering a school trip for years to come? Seriously.?

As I said up thread these trips are not for the child's benefit they are for Ofsted.

It's fucking ridiculous to take 5 year olds that far for 2 hours beach.

Absolutely stupid. I would say no op.

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 16:51

Soduthen you really are coming across as a killjoy here.

A 5yr old remembering the trip for years to come is unlikely, I agree.

A 5yr old remembering their Mum stopped them from going while all their friends went, is rather more likely.

Either way this is not about whether trips are fun/necessary/there for the benefit of OFSTED.

It's about the OP preventing her child from going, due to the OP's anxiety problem.

TwinkieTwinkle · 11/06/2015 16:52

Soduthen You really need to stop. The OP has said she has signed the consent form. She is doing the right thing by her son by allowing him to go on a trip with all his friends. Whatever your issue is with the planning of the trip, it's not needed here. I suggest you just keep those opinions to yourself.

Well done OP, I understand it must be really difficult dealing with that level of anxiety but your son will thank you for in the future for allowing him to go on these trips. Book an appointment with your GP, explain everything and hopefully that will get the ball rolling to help you deal with your anxiety. Flowers

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2015 16:59

I think you should hand in the slip tomorrow and that is that yes the distance is an issue but who cars an hour and a half on a bus is fine. Schools up and down the country will be on their trip it has nothing to do with ofsted Hmm it is what primaries do

Soduthen116 · 11/06/2015 17:00

Twinkie that's actually a really patronising post to me and the op.

The op is not alone in here thinking 80 miiles and spending hours on a coach is daft for a 5 year old. You might think we are wrong but that's your opinion. It's not bloody fact is it.

As for my experiences with dd 'clouding my judgment' as I did say dd has been on other trips, that is the ones she can since her risk assessed school trip ended in death and injuries that is.

The issue is the age of the child and the trip.

That's why the op is anxious and that to he is natural and not at all ott or pfb.

Soduthen116 · 11/06/2015 17:02

I know the op has consented and that's her choice.

Until you become the site moderator twinkle I will carry on posting my views. Respectfully butt out.

Imnotbeingyourbestfriendanymor · 11/06/2015 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lozy79 · 11/06/2015 17:06

Yanbu as I wouldn't want my 5 to go, but then again it seems iabu by these replies!!

DixieNormas · 11/06/2015 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladygracie · 11/06/2015 17:13

I agree that is a ridiculously long way but they will remember it. Also lots sleep on the way back so it seems shorter.
My dd is 14 & still remembers her reception & y1 trips to the seaside.

TwinkieTwinkle · 11/06/2015 17:14

Sodu I fail to see how it is patronising. As for butting out, perhaps read the tone of the thread before posting. Your comments have offered zero support or helpful advice for someone suffering from anxiety.

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 17:14

The issue is the age of the child and the trip.

No it's not. The OPs DC1 has already been on this trip 3yrs ago.

The actual issue is the OP's anxiety.

XiCi · 11/06/2015 17:26

I would have serious reservations about a school that thought it was a good idea for 5 year olds to spend 5 hours on a coach for a 2 hr trip. I would think someone had seriously lost their mind.
There is no way my 5 yr old dd would be going on that trip. Ridiculous.

TurnOverTheTv · 11/06/2015 17:46

2.5 hours to drive 80 miles?? That's very slow going!

DixieNormas · 11/06/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoyScout · 11/06/2015 17:53

There was a thread a while back where the OP's 19 year old DD wanted to go to Thailand with her mates. She was reluctant and coming up with all sorts of negatives - the DD complained she was ruining it for her. She was right.

Sometimes as a parent you have to grit your teeth and cross your fingers and leap into the void. It's excruciatingly difficult but you have to do it.