Not wanting my 5yr old to go on school trip

[mumtoaninja]

DS (2nd child so not a case of pfb) has not long turned 5 and is in reception.
School do a seaside trip (80 miles away) every 3 yrs with all EYFS & KS1 classes, about 90 kids in total.
When DD went on this trip 3yrs ago, I was on edge all day, watching the clock and waiting for her safe return. I suffer with anxiety which is much worse now than it was then so I know I will be a nervous wreck for the entire day DS is away...I already am just thinking about it!
AIBU to not sign the consent form and just keep him home that day? Going with the school as a volunteer isn't an option as they no longer have parents accompanying on trips.

I remember going to the seaside on my reception trip, even though we lived close and we went regularly. I can tell you about the shell I found, and how we paddled in the edge of the sea, and collected drift wood...

I can also remember the misery of being the child not allowed to go because of what might happen.

I know what is a better memory.

It is completely unfair for your issues to impact on your child. Do not hold them back. This is your problem. It's not there's.

It's unlikely that it'll take 2.5 hours to drive 80 miles, even by coach - unless there is a traffic jam, which tbh you can't plan for.

Children of 5 will remember things. Of course they do.And tbh - even if they didn't - if they enjoy it and have a good time at that moment, then so what if they don't remember if in a year's time?! If we only ever did things with our children to create a long term memory, not much would get done, especially in their early years. It's okay to do things just for the moment's enjoyment.

Does your child want to go on the school trip? my own dd would have been definitely wanting to go. They'd have talked about it in school and would have built some excitement about it. She definitely wouldn't have wanted to miss out.

These are not strangers taking your child. They are adults you entrust to look after your child every day for a substantial length of time.

And you say this trip happens every so often - so it's tried and tested. The teachers know what works and if the children are able to cope.

What on earth do people think will happen to the children?

I missed out on quite a lot of stuff growing up as my mother was like you. I wasnt allowed to do stuff/go places and then later on, I chose not to go rather than have her suffer (and also suffer myself from her constant fretting and fussing). I reallly resent it now - it has always been, and still is, a real burden. I often lie to her telling her I am not doing things when I actually l am (and perfectly safely I might add). I am in my 40's. Sigh.

Get help with your anxiety and dont end up with resentful and curtailed children.

I have never planned a school trip to please Ofsted. Perhaps a school management might like them for this reason, but the people who do the nitty gritty work of a trip do it for the kids, every time.

Regardless of the trip, it is worth getting help for anxiety. I know how it feels to be caught up in it and found treatment that worked for me. In my case it was diazepam with sertraline and zolpidem, but you should be offered non medication forms of help too.

I have anxiety too OP, and it is terrible. Try to think of this as popping a spot (sorry!) - it'll be painful for the day, but once it's over and you see that everything was fine it'll be a huge step forward for dealing with the anxiety.

And although the coach ride seems long, if it's any consolation from what I remember the coach rides were often the best bits of the trips for me! Playing games, chatting with friends, etc. It might be different for a 5 year old but this trip will, in all likelihood, bring wonderful memories with it.

Good point about enjoying the coach journey.

Dd1 did a really fun trip in year R... And child after child wrote " the best bit was the coach"

Why doesn't the school allow volunteer helpers? Never heard of that, normally its the more adults the better.

Not when you've had adults turned up pissed and/or stoned!
I know schools that are reluctant to take parents as they only have room for 3 or so, who gets to decide who can go?

Talk to the teacher and ask them if your child can be assigned to their group. If the trips are anything like the ones I've done then each adult will have 3 to 5 children assigned to them. It makes it easier for head counts as each adult checks they have the children they are looking after and you know everyone is there.

Why doesn't the school allow volunteer helpers? Never heard of that, normally its the more adults the better.

• Coach space may be at a premium
• Not all parents make good parent helpers - I'm not sure an overly anxious parent would be the best parent helper tbh, not to mention other issues
• Additional costs involved
• Parent helpers often can't be used for toilet runs, supervision, etc so they are just extra watchers rather than needed for h&s etc.

Parent volunteers not allowed at DSs school either, except for one trip a year.
For the same reasons as Hulababy put down.

Soduthen116

What is wrong with a 5 year old remembering a trip?

I went to the Natural History Museum age 5 with the school. I can remember the whole day and what we did.

As for my experiences with dd 'clouding my judgment' as I did say dd has been on other trips, that is the ones she can since her risk assessed school trip ended in death and injuries that is.

Risk assessed does not mean risk free. It means the risk has been assessed and found to be either minimal or worth taking in order to reap the perceived benefit. Kids playing in the playground is a risk, kids being kept at home to avoid a school trip is a risk, as the house could burn down. Life is a risk.

If an activity carries a risk of death of one in a million, that means eventually someone will die doing it. But for every one death, circa 999,999 will have done it and enjoyed/benefited from it.

OP, I am glad you've acknowledged that it is your issue with anxiety that is the problem here and I hope you're able to seek help for it going forward.

My DC go to a tiny village school - DS is in Nursery and DD is in Year 3. My DC have done all sorts of trips - DS has only been in nursery since September and he has gone to Holyrood Palace (approx. 200 mile round trip), a local farm park (10 mile round trip) a wildlife park (50 mile round trip) and he will go to Edinburgh Zoo on Tuesday with the rest of the school - he only turned 4 last month and has absolutely adored the trips so far. He cannot wait to see the animals on Tuesday and has been chattering about it all week!

DD (7yo) is on the last night of a 5 day/4 night residential and is having the time of her life, according to the emails I've received from the teachers. Of course I miss her like crazy, but she is making memories that will last her a lifetime.

My 10 yo talks about the trip to the seaside they had in reception.

I have considered following the coach and stalking them from a distance...

Sorry, OP, that made me Bigtime LOL.

DD gets travel sickness, she'd teach 'em to stay local.

Would you be planning in doing this each time he has a school outing then? What if you're still worrying when he's 6, or 7 or 8....
You know you are unreasonable and you simply have to get help so your kids do not miss out.
Best of luck

Normally i'd say YABU, but this week a friend's child was on a kindergarten trip to the swimming pool and was user water 10-15 mins, now in life support and probable brain damage... Suddenly I bo longer want to send my son to summer swim classes where I can't be present... But, I have to. Sometimes we had to do things that scare us for our kids' sake. I will worry every day - but he will love it and at the end will be a swimmer. If say you need to Accept the fear as part of parenting and just let him go.

Jesus flying I'm really sorry to hear that but do you honestly think this was the right thread to say that on, given the OP's anxiety?

You've said, "you need to Accept the fear as part of parenting and just let him go"

And that you have to send your child to swim classes for your kid's sake.

So basically you're in agreement that the OP is being unreasonable to let her anxiety curtail her child's school trips.

I hope the poor child recovers and quickly, but I'm not sure why you thought the OP would want to hear that very rare horror story??

I can't put it better than this, from the first page

I don't think it's fair your child misses out because of your anxiety. It's up to you to deal with it, not your children to miss out to prevent it

Worrying about your child is part of being a parent - and it doesn't stop when they become adults and start living independently. But you need to find a way to cope with that anxiety, not stop your dc from having what will be the first of many, many wonderful experiences over many, many years.

One of my DSs went on a very similar trip in reception class, I was a mess, convinced something would go wrong etc etc - I was full on crying in hysterics at the poor staff!!

However, he went on said trip, I spent the day with a friend drinking far too much tea and he had an amazing time. It's hard, but we've just got to suck it up and let out kids off the reigns a bit.

Yanbu. 5 hours on a coach, 90 kids for the teachers to keep track of, and your ds is only 5 years old. I would bet that you're most worried about the coach having an accident on such a long trip, then secondly you're anxious about the young children being near the sea and the teachers not looking that one time with so many to watch...I get you!

That seems to be a crazy long time to be on a coach. You could meet up with other families at the beach sometime soon so ds can play w other kids at the seaside with you there. Nothing wrong with that. I don't think you'll keep him from every trip, this one does seem to have legitimate concerning aspects.

I'm surprised at how unconcerned many are. It is hard for a lot of people to empathize with others unless they are going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. It's an inability to see things from someone else's perspective. I understand where you're coming from.

Ultimately you are your ds's mother. Trust your intuition. Maybe you just need time to think it over and decide to let him go, or decide it's best this time to not. I think you're a caring mother. Good luck.

Thanks again for all the replies!

I have signed consent form and will hand it in today (which also happens to be the last day to do so!) DS id oblivious to my concerns, thankfully. I've only ever turned into a flapping mess once he's been tucked up in bed...
He's really looking forward to it so I'm not going to stop him going. It wouldn't be fair.
For those who've asked, we are in the Midlands and the seaside they're going to is in North Wales (actually 89 miles).

I am just about to start a new job, so hopefully that and anything the gp can give me should keep me occupied and less anxious for the day!

Incidentally, I started going on residentials with school from the age of 6/7...can remember every single one and loved them all!

I hope he has a lovely time, op. I remember my first school trip to Lee on Solent - the main memory is that my orange squash leaked all over my sandwiches!