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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting my 5yr old to go on school trip

151 replies

mumtoaninja · 11/06/2015 14:20

DS (2nd child so not a case of pfb) has not long turned 5 and is in reception.
School do a seaside trip (80 miles away) every 3 yrs with all EYFS & KS1 classes, about 90 kids in total.
When DD went on this trip 3yrs ago, I was on edge all day, watching the clock and waiting for her safe return. I suffer with anxiety which is much worse now than it was then so I know I will be a nervous wreck for the entire day DS is away...I already am just thinking about it!
AIBU to not sign the consent form and just keep him home that day? Going with the school as a volunteer isn't an option as they no longer have parents accompanying on trips.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 12/06/2015 09:20

They won't even remember it Really? I think they'll remember the fact that they sat in another classroom all day while their friends went off and had fun for a long time...

KatieLatie · 12/06/2015 10:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

KatieLatie · 12/06/2015 10:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 12/06/2015 10:11

Well done OP

That takes a lot of bravery on your part.

I'm sure he'll have a fantastic time Thanks

SophieHatters · 12/06/2015 10:22

Hi OP

I think obviously there is an anxiety issue to deal with here BUT it is important to try and separate that from your genuine concerns, which are probably valid.

If my child was this age and was going on a 2.5 hour coach trip each way, I would not want them to go. It isn't about anxiety, it's about caring that they may find it very difficult to manage this distance on a coach, they might feel sick, they might be scared, and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

I would be happy with it if they were a bit older, a bit more used to being in school full stop, trusting the people around them, in the swing of it with the other children. No problem.

Age just 5, no. It's too soon, too little and I would be uncomfortable with that. I personally think the school is being a bit cavalier taking reception children such a long way. Some of these children will be almost non verbal.

Anyway do what you think is right, with your sensible head on, and it will be fine Smile there'll be another chance in a couple of years anyway and I doubt your child will register any sense of loss if they miss this one.

Strawberryshakes · 12/06/2015 10:32

Well done OP Smile

My 2 year old is going on a nursery trip 8-3, I found it so hard signing the consent form!

coffeetasteslikeshit · 12/06/2015 10:44

Nice one OP. I was coming on to say that you would BU to keep him off, but no need now :)

loveareadingthanks · 12/06/2015 11:07

Some of these children will be almost non verbal.

eH? You must have a very different type of 5 year olds where you live (barring special needs of course).

SophieHatters · 12/06/2015 11:12

Oh are they barring special needs children from the trip?

SophieHatters · 12/06/2015 11:14

What I mean is, yes, some will be unable to communicate their needs due to SN, and I imagine they have taken this into account so perhaps that isn't relevant, but some will be unable to communicate their needs due to being little, and shy, and a bit sideswiped by the whole context.

Some children really do not speak very much in school. Even if they do at home.

cardibach · 12/06/2015 12:58

It isn't about anxiety, it's about caring that they may find it very difficult to manage this distance on a coach, they might feel sick, they might be scared, and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
That sounds a bit as though it's about anxiety to me, tbh. Why would they be scared, with all their friends and the teachers they know well and trust? What about a coach journey won't they 'manage'? They may well feel sick, but that's not very major really, is it?
Well done OP. Anxiety is tough to face.

Bonsoir · 12/06/2015 13:49

I wouldn't be remotely anxious on my own behalf if such an outing were offered to my DC but I would be anxious on theirs, and quite rightly so. Crazy mad waste of time/energy/money.

SophieHatters · 12/06/2015 13:55

Cardi, there is anxiety where you are irrationally worried about something, and there is rational anxiety which would cover the possibility that a very small child won't enjoy a very long trip.

I don't think this situation is clear cut. It very much depends on the child and his character and his feelings about long journeys and so on.

Why would they be scared, with all their friends and the teachers they know well and trust?

Can you remember being four, five? I can, and a lot of things that were new to me, freaked me the hell out.

I certainly didn't feel I knew or trusted my teachers or friends at school. Everyone seemed extremely tall, rather frightening, and sometimes a bit mad. I felt very powerless.

I wouldn't want to put one of my children in this position if I felt that they may feel the way I did. At that age I would have hated to go on a long trip away from home. I didn't even want to be at school - quite a lot of children cry every morning in reception.

I think the OP needs to decide based on her knowledge of her own child and the likelihood that he will enjoy it, or not. Not on the arbitrary call of a load of strangers who have never met him.

Mrsjayy · 12/06/2015 14:36

Tbf posters were trying to encourage her to let him go for him obviously she knows whather son can manage but her anxiety was crippiling and that isnt really fair for her son

oddfodd · 12/06/2015 14:40

Well done OP :)

Topseyt · 12/06/2015 15:14

Just skimmed through.

Well done OP. I am sure your DS will be fine.

My three DDs all did a seaside trip with school when they were that age. They still remember them now. I also have fond memories of taking them to school on those days, very excited and brandishing their buckets and spades.

My youngest is nearly 13 now, and has just this morning gone on a three day school history trip abroad. She was very excited.

It can feel like a leap of faith, but it is one you have to take in the end. It does get easier, although I should add that I don't suffer from anxiety as you do. I hope you can get help.

You know you are doing the right thing. Think how disappointed he would be if he had found himself amongst the small number not going. That would be equally hard, I would have thought.

SayThisOnlyOnce · 12/06/2015 15:18

Well done OP. Your DS WILL have a great time.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 12/06/2015 16:59

Well done, OP. Flowers

SomethingFunny · 12/06/2015 17:24

mumtoaninja - well done on signing consent form even though you are very anxious about it. I understand that- I worry about my children on school trips- MOST parents do (and not unusual to have a mum shedding a tear before the reception trip).

To help with your anxiety, how about having a meeting with the teacher and having a chat to him/her about it. I am sure they will be completely understanding- especially if you tell them you know you are being a bit irrational, but you have anxiety and talking to them about it will help you. You can ask to see the risk assessment for the trip- this should reassure you as they consider every little eventuality (probably far more than you could ever imagine- I saw a risk assessment for a walk down the pavement which involved the danger of children walking into lampposts!). I know one of the parents at my school who was worried about their child on the school trip was phoned by the teachers at lunchtime to reassure her (the school offered to do this to help the mum with her worries, the mum did not ask for it).

My just five year old is my baby too. I hated the day of his school trip, but he loved it.

89 miles to take 90 very young children to the beach is a ridiculous school trip though.

NHSmadam · 12/06/2015 17:34

I am really impressed with you OP. Well done. Good luck with working on your anxiety some more.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 12/06/2015 17:59

Op, you've done the right thing!

I can still remember the school trip I went on aged 5 (and I'm well into my 50s now!). We visited a farm and I particularly remember a hungry goat trying to eat our teachers handbag and some very cute piglets. I'd never been to a farm before and it made a huge impression on me.

Your DS will have a lovely time at the seaside and you are being a wonderful parent to be able to get past your anxiety sufficiently to give your consent.

Original poster
mumtoaninja · 12/06/2015 18:57

Thank you all for your kind words. You've def helped making the decision that bit easier.
Felt sick handing the form over this morning, but spoke to school. They were very reassuring and have promised to update with emails/tweets/texts about the day and have 1:10 ratio and a couple of extra pairs of hands.
My stomach knots every time I think of the trip, which isn't for another 2 weeks but hearing DS chatter excitedly to his mates about digging for shells and having ice cream on the beach made me smile.
I have an appointment next week with the gp and have shared worries with another worried mum.

Here's hoping I won't be back with a similar thread when DD goes on her residential next year!! Smile

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 12/06/2015 19:46

Oh the residential you will just need to start athread we are all here for you good luck at the Gp Smile

ImSoCoolNow · 12/06/2015 19:51

YABU and excluding your DS from his school activity because of YOUR needs. Seek help for the anxiety. It's only one day

ImSoCoolNow · 12/06/2015 19:53

Apologies, well done OP you've done the right thing. While he's away on the trip try and use distraction techniques. Do things you enjoy. Arrange to meet with a friend. Have your day planned out so that it goes in quick for you