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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting my 5yr old to go on school trip

151 replies

mumtoaninja · 11/06/2015 14:20

DS (2nd child so not a case of pfb) has not long turned 5 and is in reception.
School do a seaside trip (80 miles away) every 3 yrs with all EYFS & KS1 classes, about 90 kids in total.
When DD went on this trip 3yrs ago, I was on edge all day, watching the clock and waiting for her safe return. I suffer with anxiety which is much worse now than it was then so I know I will be a nervous wreck for the entire day DS is away...I already am just thinking about it!
AIBU to not sign the consent form and just keep him home that day? Going with the school as a volunteer isn't an option as they no longer have parents accompanying on trips.

OP posts:
googietheegg · 11/06/2015 15:32

I swear this site is populated by people who had babies then spend the next 14 years trying to find someone, anyone, to look after them.

Five is still young. 80 miles is a long way away.

It's up to you up. I wouldn't like it either. Take your child to the beach yourself

Strawberryshakes · 11/06/2015 15:33

My dd is off on a day trip with her nursery and she's only 2. It's from 8-3 and I'm a bit worried but I've sent in her forms and money because I don't want her to miss out. I can see where you're coming from and I wouldn't call myself a particularly anxious parent Smile

TwinkieTwinkle · 11/06/2015 15:36

I swear this site is populated by people who had babies then spend the next 14 years trying to find someone, anyone, to look after them.

What a completely ridiculous statement.

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 15:37

I swear this site is populated by people who had babies then spend the next 14 years trying to find someone, anyone, to look after them.

Do you know how weird you sound there? ^^

The school trip is during the school day...you know when most kids are 'being looked after' by errrr.... school staff.

rumbleinthrjungle · 11/06/2015 15:38

OP can you confide in the teacher? Can they share the risk assessment with you? Can she text you about a couple of key things that you feel most anxious about? What would help you to feel better about this?

rumbleinthrjungle · 11/06/2015 15:39

btw mumtoaninja just conjures up the best mental image ever Grin

BarbarianMum · 11/06/2015 15:39

Is a child magically protected by the force of your maternal love if they stay within a 20 mile radius, or something?

I wouldn't like mine to be so far away (actually I would hate it). But rationally I know it doesn't make the activity any more dangerous so I discount that fear when making a decision.

kali110 · 11/06/2015 15:52

I swear this site is populated by people who had babies then spend the next 14 years trying to find someone, anyone, to look after them.

Five is still young. 80 miles is a long way away.

Hilarious! You mean the children being looked at by the school??
I Swear this site is populated by people who don't read posts properly...

HellRunner · 11/06/2015 15:56

volunteer to help. You probably wont be allowed to look after your own child but at least you would be there if it makes you feel more comfortable. I quite enjoy helping on school trips when I can and when they want me to.

ItsTricky · 11/06/2015 16:00

I would have a chat with the teacher. He or she will probably be an old hand at putting worried parents minds at rest. You won't be the first parent asking for reassurance, I'm sure.

It is a long way for 5 year old IMO (are they fitting the trip into the school day?) but as others have said, schools plan these trips down to the tiniest detail so I'm sure everything will have been thought of.

Maybe you could do the trip yourself with him beforehand? It might help if you know exactly where they're going.

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 16:02

HellRunner, the OP said volunteers aren't allowed.

teatowel · 11/06/2015 16:02

I suffer from mild anxiety for which I take medication. I am also a teacher. If your child is in my class they are very safe:). I count them every 5 minutes. I am absolutely certain the trip will have risk assessed to the highest degree and your son will be very safe. Actually I do think if you mean 80 miles each way??? then that is too far for a day school trip just because of the amount of time being sat on a coach. However if everybody else is going I would let him go.

saoirse31 · 11/06/2015 16:04

yabu to consider letting the anxiety which you acknowledge you suffer from, affect your ds' s life and experiences.

You will be upset and worried till he comes home but really that's what you have to put up with - which you're doing so your ds will have lovely day and not be affected by your anxiety.

Biscuitsneeded · 11/06/2015 16:05

You know what, the issue isn't so much that the OP's child might miss out on a lovely day out (which ultimately he will forget about quite quickly at the age of 5), it's about the long-term psychological effect of unconsciously teaching your child that the world is a scary and bad place, to be feared. I'm a teacher, have taken kids on residential school trips. I can predict which children are going to be knocking on my door at night, saying they 'feel sick' and need to go home. It's the same ones whose parents have already texted me on the school phone several times on the first day to check that nothing untoward has happened to their child. Over-protective parents who are scared of the world create children who struggle to cope. OP, please don't set your DC up to suffer anxiety. I hope I don't sound unsympathetic. It must be horrible to worry so much. But if you know how bad it makes you feel, please do everything you can to avoid passing it on to your kids. If you prevent your child from going, the message you are giving him is "you will not cope. It will be scary. Bad things might happen. You will miss me. I will miss you". It's not fair to put that load on a small child. Let them embrace life.

TheOddity · 11/06/2015 16:09

Our infant school took us to a seaside for a whole weekend when I was that age. They were obviously nuts! I was five and I do still remember bits of it which means it is one of my very earliest memories. It obviously was a very special time so I think you do need to find a way to let him go. Surely you could just happen to be on the same beach on the same day no?!

Original poster
mumtoaninja · 11/06/2015 16:10

Thanks for all the replies! I understand this is completely my issue and I'm going to go back to see my gp regarding the anxiety.

I've signed the consent form, although am yet to hand it in.
I don't want to hold my children back from experiences so yes, I really need to get over my irrational fears that something bad will happen if I'm not there to protect them.

According to the letter, they're only going to be there for 2 hours! The other 5 hours is spent on the coach!!

I have considered following the coach and stalking them from a distance...

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 11/06/2015 16:13

You're being very unreasonable I'm afraid. Understandably so, but it can't control his school career. Be kind to yourself, and please think about seeking some help for your anxiety, though I know from personal experience how very hard that can be at times.

My three year old is going on a school trip in three weeks. He has chronic asthma, hayfever and is a bolt risk. I'm shitting myself, but I've signed the consent and made a donation towards costs.

This is about him. Not me. He's looking forward to going to the farm to see the pigs and the goats. He can't wait for the ride in the cart and the picnic in the hay barn.

I've turned down the offer to go as a volunteer. I'll be more of a hindrance than a help. I've made a hair appointment instead and I'm thinking of making a doctors appointment too.

I wish you well :)

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 11/06/2015 16:13

Cross posted, sorry!

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 16:13

Hand the form in OP Thanks

Don't stalk them from a distance and don't whatever you do, 'happen to be on the same beach on the same day', as a PP suggested.

Every single parent worries when they let their kids go off and have fun on a school trip.

I know the worry is far greater than you because of your anxiety problem, but please don't pass that on to your child.

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2015 16:14

far greater for you (not than you).

Graceymac · 11/06/2015 16:15

I don't think YABU, I would be a little anxious such a large group traveling such a long way and I am not an anxious person in general. I am not sure I would cancel but I don't think this would ever be an issue in my child's case. I think a 160 mile round trip is a crazy journey to take children of that age on even though they will have an amazing time once they get there. It's a shame there isn't an attraction a bit closer to home but they will love it for the time they are there. I know that kind of journey would be too much for my 5 yr old, she still has a sleep in the afternoon so would be wiped out by this. Her school only do local trips within a few miles radius.

saoirse31 · 11/06/2015 16:15

You're letting the long coach trip provide a reason to keep him home. Don't. what do you keep him home from next?

meglet · 11/06/2015 16:15

I swear this place is populated by people trying to gradually help their dc's find their own way in the world and become confident adults Wink .

anyway, i don't blame you for feeling anxious OP but it's way out of proportion. Please chat to the teachers and accept it's best if your dc goes on the trip.

lilivonshtupp · 11/06/2015 16:18

Well done OP. Flowers. To me, you just sound like a really caring mum.

It does seem a strangely long way to be going to the seaside though?!? Where on earth do you live, the middle of Russia?

Hope your DS has a wonderful day out and perhaps you should try and organise something yourself so that you can fret with a friend if you need to.

Reginafalangie · 11/06/2015 16:19

I must be a terrible mother.....all four of mine have done this trip with school ( also around 80 miles away) and I never once became anxious Shock

Truth is they never suffered any damage been that far away from home however PFB while playing in the garden has managed to

  1. get a 6 inch scar on his back from a tree branch ( aged 7)
  2. Slice of the top of his index finger while on a swing ( aged 10)
  3. Knock out his two adult front teeth after missing a header and hitting the shed ( aged 12).

I actually think he is safer 80 miles away from home Confused

Anxiety isn't easy to live with OP and getting it under control is even harder. Try and think of the positive experience your son will have and seek help for yourself.