Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so fed up with school making this my problem every time?

373 replies

velvetspoon · 11/06/2015 08:17

DS is in yr12. They completed AS exams last week and are now back to a normal timetable starting their A2 work.

DS was late in on Monday. The subject teacher of his first lesson is away this week, so DS decided it didn't matter if he was late in as would just be a cover teacher.

But of course the school then phone me. Again. Do I not appreciate DS needs to be at school at 0830 daily? Do I not know where he is? And then I explain that when I left the house to go to work, he was preparing to leave so no I didn't know he wasn't there. Etc.

I don't object to them letting me know he's not turned up. What I do object to is that the whole tone of the conversation, every time, is that it's my fault. My responsibility to make sure he's there. Even though he's 16, and I (unlike most mums in this area) do actually have a proper job to go to, so I don't have time to be ferrying him to school, or even dealing with their calls when I should be in meetings.

I already do my level best to get him to school including waking him up every morning - I only do that because otherwise he wouldn't get up in time for school and then I'd be the one getting yet another call from the school and yet again it would be my fault.

I'm trying my best to instil some kind of personal responsibility in my son, and get him to realise he can't just do what he wants but the fact the school only ever have a go at me really doesn't help!

He has a study period first lesson today so is refusing to go in at usual time so I expect another call from the school sometime this morning Sad

OP posts:
Marynary · 12/06/2015 22:09

OP, you are obviously doing the your best.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/06/2015 22:10

The question is whether missing a lesson involving a supply teacher straight after exams will make any difference to A levels results. The answer is very probably not.

I suppose if you're the kind of student who always chooses the route involving the least effort on your part, then missing lessons on the offchance they won't be important or useful is of course the way to go.

If, on the other hand, you want to maximise your chances of getting the highest grades you're capable of at A level, best not to take the risk, IMO.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/06/2015 22:14

Is an emergency contact really essential for a person old enough to be married? The school system is seriously screwed IMO.

RTFT. The OP was talking about when her DCs were younger.

Janethegirl · 12/06/2015 22:15

I always worked on 60 - 70% pass rate as being adequate. There's more to life than qualifications Smile

SuburbanRhonda · 12/06/2015 22:18

I always worked on 60 - 70% pass rate as being adequate.

Well, if you aim low in life, you're less likely to be disappointed.

Not a teacher, btw, mary.

Janethegirl · 12/06/2015 22:20

I had read TFT, Rhonda

Janethegirl · 12/06/2015 22:23

Rhonda, I do not agree with your views on life. 60 - 70% success rate has worked very well for me, and I'm still very successful in what I do.

There is much more to living than academically qualifications, although I do have plenty of them too Grin

ilovesooty · 12/06/2015 22:29

Jane I have to provide an emergency contact to my employer.

paulapantsdown · 12/06/2015 22:29

Speaking as a cover supervisor who covers lessons, I get to work at 8.15 to read the lesson instructions left by the absent teachers, make sure I know the students by name of each of the five periods of the day, make sure I have the correct resources and speak to the subject head if I feel it's necessary. I do this after getting my teenagers out the door and to school by 7.45am.

If I can make the effort as "just a cover", then your lazy arsed son can make the effort to get to school. If he can't be bothered then withdraw him from the course and let tje teachers concentrate on the other students instead of wasting your time and theirs by calling you.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/06/2015 22:32

You clearly didn't RTFT if you thought the OP was talking about emergency contacts for 16-year-olds.

It's not about whether qualifications are the be-all and end-all.

It's about the fact that while you may be happy to aim for "adequate", others may wish to aim higher than that.

And for today's young people, aiming for "adequate" is a very poor life plan.

CamelHump · 12/06/2015 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Janethegirl · 12/06/2015 22:45

I have to give an emergency contact to my employer too, I just hope when they need to use it, it works :)

Janethegirl · 12/06/2015 22:46

60-70% is generally better than most unless the exam system is so skewed to be worth bugger all!!

SuburbanRhonda · 12/06/2015 22:52

60-70% is generally better than most

And yet you describe it as "adequate".

ProudAS · 12/06/2015 22:57

Employees may have to give an emergency contact but don't think the person is expected to be constantly contactable. I assume students in FE college (same age as OP's DS) are the same. He is 16 and old enough to consent to medical treatment as well as leave home or get married.

He is the one who should be taking responsibility for his attendance. I'm not saying the OP should not be informed but school need to remember that he is 16 not 6!

Janethegirl · 12/06/2015 22:57

Yes, I'm quite happy with a 60-70% pass rate for everything.
You don't like my approach, not my problem, but it works for me and my family.
Semantics aside Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 12/06/2015 23:07

I don't give a fig about your approach, jane, except for when you advocate it as a guiding principle to an OP whose son is in danger of pissing his future up the wall because he can't be bothered to make the effort.

Marynary · 12/06/2015 23:31

I suppose if you're the kind of student who always chooses the route involving the least effort on your part, then missing lessons on the offchance they won't be important or useful is of course the way to go.
If, on the other hand, you want to maximise your chances of getting the highest grades you're capable of at A level, best not to take the risk, IMO.

I probably wouldn't have gone to the first lesson in OPs son's situation though and I got all As at A level 30 years ago. At that age, I found it more productive to sleep or work at home than to go to lessons with no teacher straight after exams. I'm not saying that everyone should do that but I'm just making the point that missing a lesson in OP's son situation doesn't necessarily mean you are the kind of student that won't do well academically.

MrsV2012 · 13/06/2015 01:22

and I (unlike most mums in this area) do actually have a proper job to go to, so I don't have time to be ferrying him to school, or even dealing with their calls when I should be in meetings Hmm

Your attitude has rubbed off on your Son I think?!

TwinkieTwinkle · 13/06/2015 01:36

I will point out again the mixed messages you send your son. 'School is your responsibility, you're effectively an adult you can look after yourself' yet you wake him up in the morning and run him a bath. You need to make up your mind about whys parenting style you actually want to conform to. You also have to stop blaming the school for trying to look after your son when he clearly can't get into school when he should.

Head meet brick wall with you, though.

Nettymaniaa · 13/06/2015 06:09

It is your problem.

echt · 13/06/2015 07:43

Is an emergency contact really essential for a person old enough to be married? The school system is seriously screwed IMO.

Sooo, let's try this one.

The 17 year-old student is injured and hospitalised, but hey, they're old enough to be married, so fuck it.

It's called duty of care, Jane. They're in the building, so yes. it matters.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/06/2015 08:51

I don't give a fig about your approach, jane, except for when you advocate it as a guiding principle to an OP whose son is in danger of pissing his future up the wall because he can't be bothered to make the effort

No, he's in danger of being kicked out of school,the school his mother wants him to go to.

This is his right and his choice. He can leave home if he wants and never have to listen to her again and nobody can stop him

Marynary · 13/06/2015 10:03

My work have emergency contact names and numbers for me but there is no requirement for those contacts to be immediately available and at the end of the phone in all circumstances.

Janethegirl · 13/06/2015 10:03

Qualifications can be achieved in later life. I agree it's easier to get when at school though.
Forcing schooling on an individual who does not want to be there, rarely works.