to be so fed up with school making this my problem every time?

[velvetspoon]

DS is in yr12. They completed AS exams last week and are now back to a normal timetable starting their A2 work.

DS was late in on Monday. The subject teacher of his first lesson is away this week, so DS decided it didn't matter if he was late in as would just be a cover teacher.

But of course the school then phone me. Again. Do I not appreciate DS needs to be at school at 0830 daily? Do I not know where he is? And then I explain that when I left the house to go to work, he was preparing to leave so no I didn't know he wasn't there. Etc.

I don't object to them letting me know he's not turned up. What I do object to is that the whole tone of the conversation, every time, is that it's my fault. My responsibility to make sure he's there. Even though he's 16, and I (unlike most mums in this area) do actually have a proper job to go to, so I don't have time to be ferrying him to school, or even dealing with their calls when I should be in meetings.

I already do my level best to get him to school including waking him up every morning - I only do that because otherwise he wouldn't get up in time for school and then I'd be the one getting yet another call from the school and yet again it would be my fault.

I'm trying my best to instil some kind of personal responsibility in my son, and get him to realise he can't just do what he wants but the fact the school only ever have a go at me really doesn't help!

He has a study period first lesson today so is refusing to go in at usual time so I expect another call from the school sometime this morning

Cut back working hours to make sure a 16 year old gets to school on time??

my ds is at that stage. he's going back next week. your ds is probably out of routine and he will probably settle in again. I work in a college and it's much worse.

It's difficult when you are in work.

In 15 months time, all being well, he will be at uni, 100s of miles away.

Not at this rate he won't.

Course he will - nothing to stop him (exam results allowing). Being treated like an adult and held responsible for his own attendance at lectures without his parents being phoned will do him the world of good.

held accountable

I think that 16 year olds are old enough to get themselves to school on time. Those who suggest that you give up your job to make sure he gets there are being ridiculous. The main issue should surely be whether or not he does well in his exams.

There is another DS as well, 14, who seems to be left alone for long periods. I'm sorry but it's not ideal.

Are you late for your meetings? Do you sometimes show up late to your meetings because you don't think it matters so much? He's your child, your responsibility.

The mixed messages you are sending your son are unbelievable! 'School is solely your responsibility, you need to take responsibility for your life.' 'Time to get up dear, I've run your bath for you.'

Yes, and so are plenty of other teenagers owl - it does them no harm.

Interestingly enough, if my son is late for work then we don't get a phone call from his employer. They deal with him - the result being that he's only been late once, because he's treated like an adult and the consequences of another late start were spelled out to him - as opposed to DH or me.

I don't think people are suggesting she reduces her hours long term solely to get her DS to school on time, but these DC have been and still are left on their own for extended periods with no supervision or guidance and I think this has contributed to the problems Velvet is experiencing.

As for moaning about having to be contactable in case of emergencies involving DC during the day...it baffles me. The fact that the school have even raised the issue of SS and safeguarding, is a bit of an alert. With a history of previous issues about attendence etc, and it would make me think that the school have been concerned for a time, especially as velvet says she has been "getting grief" for a decade!

It's just hard to reconcile the running a bath and getting clothes out for an older teen (which seems like babying them to me), with leaving them alone so much and abstaining from responsibility for them on the grounds you work, and they are older!

Sorry to speak "about" you rather than "to" you velvet, that looked wrong when it had posted.

There is another DS as well, 14, who seems to be left alone for long periods. I'm sorry but it's not ideal

What do you mean by "long periods". Is the 14 year old with the 16 year old? If so I don't see the problem as long as it's not overnight.

I do have teenagers (and adults and a couple of toddlers)

It's quite clear in any attendance enforcement post 16 that it is the young persons responsibility as they cannot take action against the parent all attendance enforcement should be taken against the young person.

2 of mine have ECHP plans and during the entire process it was made very clear to me that whilst having welfare responsibilities I cannot and shouldn't prevent them making bad decisions that forbidding certain things would be perceived as abusive and that at 16 it's there own responsibility. I think the phrase used was "your nothing but a safety net"

Course he will - nothing to stop him (exam results allowing). Being treated like an adult and held responsible for his own attendance at lectures without his parents being phoned will do him the world of good.

Really? Nothing to stop him? How about the fact that he can't be bothered to be on time for lessons - in subjects he needs to pass to get to university - if there's a supply?

He's been taking himself to school since he was 10/11

Dragged himself up then, clearly. Poor lad.

Inhear you OP that's not to mention the 'your child has a headache can you come down now to give him a paracetamol?' 'Can you not give him one?' 'No we can't do that.. Can you come now please?' or he can you come down and bring the correct colour whatever he's worn that's a shade out of school regulations type shit.

hes 15 he can take the punishments on the chin. I dot believe in wiping their arses after a certain age... They'll never learn anything if their parents are held accountable for literally everything and expected
To drop everything and rush down there for small reasons.

OP, one of the main problems here is that your DSs know full well that YOU don't take seriously the schools complaints, so why should they. You regard some of their rules (no doubt part of a home-school agreement) as derisory and an inconvenient waste of your precious time. You are not too important or too busy to take responsibility for your kids. It is your own children and not their teachers/schools who are causing you this dreadful inconvenience, so what are you doing about it?
Maybe you have been too soft all along and now they are big and strong and have minds of their own, you are fidning it hard to regain control?
Sanctions - zero tolerance all the way till they start complying with the rules and stop making life more difficult for you.

But this isn't a recent thing is it? There's years of a back story here and you can't possibly reverse it overnight.

Your job is the problem in part. Now I KNOW that you can't just give up work and that life doesn't work like that BUT you are failing your children by doing what you're doing. You've been told this countless times before for years.

In your shoes I'd either go part time, look for a another job with better hours, take sick leave or reduce my hours for a period of time. Of course you will say that you can't do this because you're a SP etc etc... But what else realistically can you do? Your sons disrespect you, don't behave for you, eat all your food and can't be arsed to go to school. They do all of this because you are never there. And that would be fine at the ages they are now, if it was a recent thing, but you've left them alone for years. And therefore you are suffering the consequences of that.

The answer lies in you being at home more. How you achieve that is worth exploring

Heh I've even had the I must send my teen into school even if Ill where they will assess them and if they are too poorly to be at school I must travel down there to collect them in person.

Sometimes I think they're on some big power trip.

And OF COURSE you have to collect your child if he's sick . OF COURSE they'll call you if you've forgotten to supply something and yes OF COURSE they'll expect you to be contactable when they have your child. It's not paid childcare and you are are not the only woman who works

Velvet, I do feel for you - it's hard bringing up kids on your own and working hard to keep the show on the road without any help.
At 16 I was much worse than your son - dossing school, drinking, smoking - basically rebelling big time. My mum desperately wanted me to go to uni.
The day she stopped nagging (doesn't work) and put the ball firmly in my court and said 'I've got my house, my job and my life and it won't affect me if you go work in the local factory or go to uni - it's up to you", I grew up and realised it was my future at stake. He needs to take responsibility for himself. If you give him an ultimatum and he ends up
Working in local factory for a year it might do him the world of good.

and yes I do have teens and know its not a bed of roses

I've also taught at secondary level for 5 years and punctuality was one of the things that I had to bang on to my tutor group about all the time. And yes, a full print out of their atendance and punctuality would be included as part of their record of achivement folder and with any reference I wrote for them.

how would it be if the staff came in whenever they felt like it because they fancied a lie in or wanted to do something else on their way to school?

Really? Nothing to stop him? How about the fact that he can't be bothered to be on time for lessons - in subjects he needs to pass to get to university - if there's a supply?

I presume he thought (probably correctly) that the supply teacher wouldn't be teaching anything though especially considering they only did their exams last week. As long as he is at lessons when a teacher is teaching I doubt that his exam results will be effected by not being at school when nothing is happening.

Sometimes I think they're on some big power trip.

Yes, we all really get off on wasting our time phoning parents about pointless things instead of doing our job educating and caring for your child.

I'm guessing you're not on the PTA, then, gamerchick?