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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so fed up with school making this my problem every time?

373 replies

velvetspoon · 11/06/2015 08:17

DS is in yr12. They completed AS exams last week and are now back to a normal timetable starting their A2 work.

DS was late in on Monday. The subject teacher of his first lesson is away this week, so DS decided it didn't matter if he was late in as would just be a cover teacher.

But of course the school then phone me. Again. Do I not appreciate DS needs to be at school at 0830 daily? Do I not know where he is? And then I explain that when I left the house to go to work, he was preparing to leave so no I didn't know he wasn't there. Etc.

I don't object to them letting me know he's not turned up. What I do object to is that the whole tone of the conversation, every time, is that it's my fault. My responsibility to make sure he's there. Even though he's 16, and I (unlike most mums in this area) do actually have a proper job to go to, so I don't have time to be ferrying him to school, or even dealing with their calls when I should be in meetings.

I already do my level best to get him to school including waking him up every morning - I only do that because otherwise he wouldn't get up in time for school and then I'd be the one getting yet another call from the school and yet again it would be my fault.

I'm trying my best to instil some kind of personal responsibility in my son, and get him to realise he can't just do what he wants but the fact the school only ever have a go at me really doesn't help!

He has a study period first lesson today so is refusing to go in at usual time so I expect another call from the school sometime this morning Sad

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 13/06/2015 20:22

Mary, I think you are wasting your time, Rhonda will never agree with you.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:22

Is there such a thing as a "very selective" grammar?

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:23

"They all think he's incompetent" You have interviewed all the students taught by this member of staff? Observed a day's lessons?
Or you are going on hearsay?

I have discussed the issue with dd and quite a few other pupils and parents because I am very concerned. Obviously haven't observed his lessons but I trust DD and her friends when they say they are awful.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:23

I agree with people if I think they're right Grin

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:24

Also should say that DH asked him a few questions at parents evening (he is an academic and this is his subject) and was very unimpressed.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:24

Hey, jane, I agreed with you upthread! Just the one post, mind.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:25

Is there such a thing as a "very selective" grammar?

Probably not officially but I've heard them called that on here.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:26

DH asked him a few questions at parents evening (he is an academic and this is his subject) and was very unimpressed.

Your DH quizzed a teacher about his subject at parents evening? What kind of ego trip is your DH on?

Wolfiefan · 13/06/2015 20:27

Hmmm. Still sounds like hearsay.
If you have actual grounds for complaint then contact the school. Or you could home educate.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:28

He was asking about what the children were learning and he seemed incapable of explaining. Is that an "ego trip"Hmm

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:29

Wolfiefan I will be complaining and I intend teach her this subject if she gets him next year (but obviously hoping she won't).

Janethegirl · 13/06/2015 20:30

yes Rhonda once, will it happen again?? Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:30

He was asking about what the children were learning and he seemed incapable of explaining. Is that an "ego trip"

Yes it is. Parents evening is for discussing your child's progress, not to show off in front of teachers. I was going to say your DD was probably mortified, but no doubt you'll say she was egging him on.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:30

Just keep hoping, jane Smile

Janethegirl · 13/06/2015 20:33

Rhonda Grin

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:33

Yes it is. Parents evening is for discussing your child's progress, not to show off in front of teachers. I was going to say your DD was probably mortified, but no doubt you'll say she was egging him on.

Her progress was discussed. That is why he was asking about what they were learning. DD didn't say that she was mortified (and she would if she was).

PHANTOMnamechanger · 13/06/2015 20:34

Is there such a thing as a "very selective" grammar?

yes, there absolutely are, this is not just some kind of parental brag on MN!
they are called superselectors and instead of creaming off the top 20-25 % of pupils (those who pass the 11+), they take perhaps only the top 6%, favouring children from further away rather than kids who live nearer but did not score as highly in the 11+

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:37

If he genuinely wanted to know what the students were learning, rather than showing off how much he knew about the subject, why didn't he ask your DD?

Hmm
Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:44

SuburbanRhonda I don't know why he asked questions about what they were doing or the specific questions because I wasn't there. I do know that DH is not interested in "showing off."

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:46

So he came back and told you how he showed up the teacher.

How very mature.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:50

SuburbanRhonda Funnily enough he didn't come back and tell me he "showed up the teacher" as that isn't what he did.Hmm He just wasn't impressed by him at all.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:55

Don't tell me - he doesn't suffer fools gladly Grin

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:59

SuburbanRhonda I didn't say that. I think your responses are a bit immature now and as this is way off topic and boring, I'm off.

rogueantimatter · 14/06/2015 12:20

Mary and Suburban there are teachers who don't seem very capable. There was a maths teacher at one of my DC's schools who apparently couldn't always explain how to do some of the problems. She'd work it out and then come back with the answer but no workings. At parents evening she appeared to not be very interested. And her voice was so quiet I could hardly make her out. Everyone commiserated if you were given that particular teacher. The children complained about her to her head of dept and the headmaster but I don't know if parents did.

A friend of one of the DC told me that he was only going to choose a particular subject in sixth form if he didn't get one particular teacher as he felt they would jeopardise his chance of getting a good grade.

PeruvianFoodLover · 14/06/2015 12:38

OP Why are you letting the schools response get to you so much?

So, they phone you and imply its your responsibility to get your DS to school, despite not enforcing sanctions themselves. So what?

Shrug, say "heyho, they don't know their arse from their elbow", continue to parent your DS in the way you believe is right and don't allow the school to undermine your confidence in your own parenting.

There will always be differing views on who, and how, responsibility should be distributed for 16+ year olds. The school your DS has chosen won't hold their students accountable, and you can't change that. But you can change how you respond to their telephone calls. Don't let it bother you. Smile, shrug and ignore.