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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so fed up with school making this my problem every time?

373 replies

velvetspoon · 11/06/2015 08:17

DS is in yr12. They completed AS exams last week and are now back to a normal timetable starting their A2 work.

DS was late in on Monday. The subject teacher of his first lesson is away this week, so DS decided it didn't matter if he was late in as would just be a cover teacher.

But of course the school then phone me. Again. Do I not appreciate DS needs to be at school at 0830 daily? Do I not know where he is? And then I explain that when I left the house to go to work, he was preparing to leave so no I didn't know he wasn't there. Etc.

I don't object to them letting me know he's not turned up. What I do object to is that the whole tone of the conversation, every time, is that it's my fault. My responsibility to make sure he's there. Even though he's 16, and I (unlike most mums in this area) do actually have a proper job to go to, so I don't have time to be ferrying him to school, or even dealing with their calls when I should be in meetings.

I already do my level best to get him to school including waking him up every morning - I only do that because otherwise he wouldn't get up in time for school and then I'd be the one getting yet another call from the school and yet again it would be my fault.

I'm trying my best to instil some kind of personal responsibility in my son, and get him to realise he can't just do what he wants but the fact the school only ever have a go at me really doesn't help!

He has a study period first lesson today so is refusing to go in at usual time so I expect another call from the school sometime this morning Sad

OP posts:
NoIsNotACompleteSentence · 13/06/2015 14:35

This is one thread where it would be very interesting to hear the school's "side of the story".

Certainly it sounds from the school's attitude, and OP's previous threads, that this is part of a bigger problem.

The threads seem to go the same way, where OP posts about a problem with her DS/S and then absolves herself from all responsibility on the grounds she works and has no family support. I'm fully sympathetic to both of these issues but it seems as though OP has been working extremely long hours for years, leaving the DSs without supervision, in an endeavour to keep them in the house they grew up in/a certain standard of living, and turning a blind eye to how her DSs were developing.

At 17, I was living with DH so didn't expect my parents to be responsible for me, but this was because my parents had spent the preceding years installing responsibilities and life skills in me.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 16:46

SuburbanRhonda I'm not supporting OP's son's attitude as I don't know him and I don't know what his attitude is. I just don't agree with your argument that any pupil who doesn't bother to attend a lesson run by a supply teacher straight after exams is automatically not going to get good A levels. Even if he does have a bad attitude, I don't think OP can do anything about now that he is nearly aged 17 and I think the suggestion that she should cut down her hours/change her job etc to "support her son" is ridiculous considering his age.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 17:22

SuburbanRhonda I'm not supporting OP's son's attitude as I don't know him and I don't know what his attitude is.

The OP has described this in some detail on this and other threads.

I just don't agree with your argument that any pupil who doesn't bother to attend a lesson run by a supply teacher straight after exams is automatically not going to get good A levels.

I've never said this. I've said I believe his chances of achieving good grades will be hampered if he prefers to stay in bed rather than attend a scheduled lesson, regardless of who is teaching it.

And for the last time, the fact that his AS exams ended last week is not relevant. He will now have started the A2 part of his A levels. If he thinks he should have a break after exams, there's a big fat six-week one just around the corner.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 17:28

I've never said this. I've said I believe his chances of achieving good grades will be hampered if he prefers to stay in bed rather than attend a scheduled lesson, regardless of who is teaching it.

That is because you are a teacher and you hate to think that some lessons are a waste of time. I certainly did less work the first week after exams and my children also do now (both at secondary school).

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 17:31

That is because you are a teacher

Wrong!

But I am the parent of a DS who has just done AS levels and is now doing four weeks of A2 before his six-week holiday in which he can stay in bed as long as he wants to.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/06/2015 17:44

The op's responsibility to actually get him to school does diminish when he's 16.

Given than no enforcement or action can be taken against her for anything to do with education post 16

Marynary · 13/06/2015 17:48

SuburbanRhonda You may not be a teacher but I bet you work for a school or LEA in some capacity.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 18:25

mary, I work in a community primary school, not in a teaching role.

I'm very flattered you thought I was a teacher, though Smile

Marynary · 13/06/2015 18:40

SuburbanRhonda Don't be flattered. I only thought you were a teacher because you seem determined to believe that all lessons are useful and none are a waste of time. The fact that you work in a school explains your bias.

ilovesooty · 13/06/2015 18:54

Marynary many teachers are being sacked on capability grounds now. Sometimes they're not even incapable. Changes brought in over the last couple of years mean the process can last as little as 12 weeks.
I wonder whether the attitude you seem to have to the profession is communicated to your children.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 18:58

Don't be flattered

I can't help it Smile

I only thought you were a teacher because you seem determined to believe that all lessons are useful and none are a waste of time.

No, I've never said that and I wouldn't say it because I don't believe it. My viewpoint on this thread is that a 16-year-old student whose attendance is already a cause for concern is unlikely to make the right decision about whether he should attend a lesson or not. And that if there is an issue about the quality of lessons, he should address this with the school or the board of governors, rather than use it as an excuse to bunk off.

ilovesooty · 13/06/2015 19:05

I agree Rhonda. If there are issues( and of course in some schools there are) the pupil is quite old enough to raise them through the appropriate channels rather than opting out.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 19:11

ilovesooty That doesn't seem to happen in my experience. One of DD's teachers seems totally incapable but despite numerous complaints over many years he is still there.
As for my attitude- some teachers are good and some aren't. My children are old enough and intelligent enough to realise that for themselves and I'm not going to tell them otherwise.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 19:28

mary, as ilovesooty said, a "totally incapable" teacher would not last for years and years under the current system. Perhaps there was a clash of personalities or he taught a subject unpopular with some. Who knows? Not the subject of this thread.

There are good and bad in every profession. Want to do something about it? Go through the correct channels. Don't expect people to believe you're lying in bed as a protest against perceived poor teaching.

rogueantimatter · 13/06/2015 19:36

I used to get texts from one school to tell me that my DC had been late.

Another school issues detentions for latecoming - it wasn't first thing - DS didn't do them as they were unavoidable in his opinion and therefore 'unjust'. I told him it would be much worse if the school discovered he wasn't going to detention. There have been no official sanctions!

DD was late so many times that her sixth-form privileges were withdrawn. She reduced the number of times she was late while I sweated over the possibility of the school imposing heavier sanctions. Nothing seemed to get her ready on time. It was awful. When she went to uni she suddenly became much more conscientious and responsible.

I sympathise.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 19:38

mary, as ilovesooty said, a "totally incapable" teacher would not last for years and years under the current system. Perhaps there was a clash of personalities or he taught a subject unpopular with some. Who knows? Not the subject of this thread.

You are wrong. There have been many complaints over the years but he is still there. His subject is not unpopular and there is no clash of personalities. I don't think the pupils particularly dislike him. They just think he is useless. I think you are quite naive if you think that all pupils have to do is "go though the proper channels" to sort out the issue.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 19:46

As I said, mary, not the subject of this thread.

However, do you think you might be a little biased about the most effective way to complain about teaching standards because in your case, it didn't work for you? Wink

Surely you would agree that going through the correct channels is the most sensible first step, rather than not even trying because someone once told you it didn't work for them?

Marynary · 13/06/2015 19:52

However, do you think you might be a little biased about the most effective way to complain about teaching standards because in your case, it didn't work for you?

I didn't give an opinion on the most effective way to complain. I just said that not all lessons are useful and that complaining about it doesn't result in improvement or the teacher being sacked in my experience.

Wolfiefan · 13/06/2015 20:02

Teachers are monitored. They have their marking examined and their lessons observed. Just because a few kids don't like the way the lesson is run doesn't make the teacher incompetent.

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:08

Teachers are monitored. They have their marking examined and their lessons observed. Just because a few kids don't like the way the lesson is run doesn't make the teacher incompetent.

So you are saying the system is perfect and that there are no incompetent teachers. Hmm In the case of this teacher it is certainly not true that "only a few kids don't like the way the lesson run" . They all think he is incompetent as do the parents who know the subject well (including me). There have been many complaints but he is still there.

NinkyNonkers · 13/06/2015 20:12

Capability is a tough process to go through, but it exists and is used regularly. It isn't that hard to get rid of a shit teacher, if the school wants to go through the process. Maybe your school feel that he is worth keeping?

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:15

I didn't give an opinion on the most effective way to complain.

But you did post this:

As for complaining about the quality of lessons- what a joke. Did you try doing that when you were at school? I did and it made no difference to the quality of the lessons, it just made me unpopular with the teacher.

Wolfiefan · 13/06/2015 20:18

"They all think he's incompetent" You have interviewed all the students taught by this member of staff? Observed a day's lessons?
Or you are going on hearsay?

SuburbanRhonda · 13/06/2015 20:19

I'll go for hearsay Grin

Marynary · 13/06/2015 20:20

NinkyNonkers It seems to be hard to get rid of this shit teacher. How does the capability process work? I doubt that the school does think he is worth keeping considering the complaints. The pupils pretty much have to teach themselves the subject with text books. They can do that because they are all academic (very selective grammar) but they shouldn't have to.