To object to strippers on stag do

[Ahardmanisgoodtofind]

Starting to plan our wedding and the topic of hen and stag dos has cropped up already.
This is my second and his first marriage.
I've always disagreed with strip clubs/strippers on stag (or hen) dos. To me it feels disrespectful and ALMOST like cheating some how. I've made it clear to my friends i won't want a stripper and if one turns up I'd walk out, and I expect the same for fiance. Aibu? He's not all that fussed but I know his brothers/mates will see things differently.

"My apologies apeman.

Lucee wrote that the woman who object to strip clubs are jealous- you wrote that she is probably right. I therefore came to the conclusion that you agreed that the woman who object to strip clubs are jealous.
Crazy I know!"

Nah, you accused me of saying I could think it because I am a big important man, but if a woman thought it she must be jealous, because you didn't pay attention to what you were replying to at all.

Subtitles for the comment you responded to, but one time only: "You're probably right and some people probably are jealous of strippers, but what does that actually matter if you object to it on principle anyway? It's disrespectful and grubby."

I did - because that's how it came across! You originally agreed with Luce, no? And Luce didn't say 'some people' are jealous she suggested that 'those women who hate their DHs going to strip club because they "objectify women" are actually, really, just a bit jealous.'

You agreed with someone who thinks women don't really care about objectification, they just are saying that because actually, they get the hump if their fellas find other women attractive.

That's totally crap. And it is insulting.

Nevertheless, I am prepared to accept this was not your intention, Apeman. ;)

Apeman, I got the same impression of what you wrote too, so if that was not your intention you might want to pay attention to your phraseology

In my younger days, we had about 5 trips to Amsterdam for various stag do's, at least half the group on every trip paid for a prostitute, I just think a lot of women are very naïve on what happens on these trips..

My own thoughts are, that hen and stag do's are a tradition that have now got out of hand and any man who pays to have a woman pretend either to have sex or dance in a seductive manner is a bit a of a muppet..

And women are just as tacky with bloody lycra, l plates, penis straws and those bloody sashes, what a set of divs, definitely not wife or mother material and neither are the men good father/husband material..

I just had a few shandies and went home, the rest stayed out, my bro ended up trying to drive home after a full 24 hr sesh, wrote my dads car off and two others, they also got into a fight earlier on in the night.. These are all grown men over 30...

There are two lines that seem to frequently crop up on discussions about strippers / prostitutes:
a) you're just jealous
b) you have no idea what your partner gets up to - you're being naïve

Them seem designed to shut up women who disagree, to make them feel insecure and to avoid having to deal with the actual problem - some men and women think its fine to rent another person's body for sexual gratification. I do not think it is fine.

I can answer those points though.

a) I fully admit I'm not comfortable with DP looking at other women naked. Part of it may well be fear that he'd rather be with someone else. I don't think I'm particularly abnormal in that, and I don't really care if it is abnormal. Its how I feel and I have every right to feel that way. It also doesn't take away from my considered argument that renting women for the purpose of sex is harmful to society as a whole, and to many women on an individual level.

b) I don't know for certain what DP gets up to (because I don't follow him around), but I trust him. I am perfectly capable of saying no to a stripper and have never cheated, so I'm only really expecting (and assuming) that he has the same standards of behaviour as me. I don't really understand why its so shocking to suggest that some (I'd say probably most) men are capable of controlling their sexual urges. That some (again probably most) men have a decent amount of respect for their partners and wouldn't want to hurt them or risk ruining their relationship.

Your missing the factors of peer pressure, bravado and the fact that hen and stag do's are now a massive industry..

One only has to take a brief look at the kind of packages available for men and women to see that pushing the boundaries and testing the relationship by actual or simulation of infidelity especially when judgement may be impaired by alcohol/drugs is now an accepted part of the marriage celebrations..

"I did - because that's how it came across! You originally agreed with Luce, no? And Luce didn't say 'some people' are jealous she suggested that 'those women who hate their DHs going to strip club because they "objectify women" are actually, really, just a bit jealous.'

You agreed with someone who thinks women don't really care about objectification, they just are saying that because actually, they get the hump if their fellas find other women attractive.

That's totally crap. And it is insulting.

Nevertheless, I am prepared to accept this was not your intention, Apeman. ;)"

Well as an exercise in calculating how many shits are given, try not accepting that, and stick with your bizarre and moronic interpretation that I was "telling women" something, ignoring both the comment I made and the simplified explanation I furnished you with because you got the wrong end of the stick.

Carry on.

Apeman - johnfarley and AF are spot on as how you phrased it and how it came across - i thought so too at the time but didn't comment. It's no biggie but no point in denying it.

Apeman, I am sure you will dismiss my comments as "moronic" but like I say, I got the same impression from your post. I didn't pick up on it because a) I couldn't really be bothered at the time and b) you otherwise come across as a decent chap.

Now, stop getting annoyed about some uppity women pointing out that your phraseology, even if you mean it one way, came out another. A simple "shit, I didn't mean it like that...this is what I meant" would suffice.

Do people "misunderstand" you a lot ?

MummyLuce Thu 11-Jun-15 17:19:38
Can I suggest that those women who hate their DHs going to strip club because they "objectify women" are actually, really, just a bit jealous. They're worried that their DP will see a lovely pretty naked girl, think they are lovely and sexy and hot, and that hurts them and makes them feel jealous and upset. Totally understandably. But not the end of the world.

ApeMan Thu 11-Jun-15 17:51:10
@Luce - you're probably right, but does it matter that much? I'm sure we are all happy if our principles and our emotions point in roughly the same direction, aren't we?

JohnFarleysRuskin Thu 11-Jun-15 18:02:23
Er ape man, are you saying that YOU can feel strip clubs are disrespectful to women and grubby but a woman who thinks that is just a bit jealous?

ApeMan Fri 12-Jun-15 00:16:58

I have literally no idea how you could possibly have read that into my comment. What the fuck.

ApeMan Is it any clearer now how some of us could have thought you were agreeing that those women who hate their DHs going to strip clubs because they "objectify women" are actually, really, just a bit jealous?