Cashier... Am l being unreasonable?

[Feminine]

This isn't the first time he has done it.
So, l shouldn't have returned to his till - but l thought he wouldn't do it again.
This particular chap enjoys hiding an item, if he knows the child is waiting/wanting it.
Today it was a packet of nasty frozen themed cup cakes....
As soon as he has scanned them, he hid them under his keypad.
My daughter is six and she was wanting to take them straight away.
For what must have been at least two minutes, he claimed they had disappeared!
Dd was confused and kept checking the conveyor belt, the basket... The belt.
I kept thinking "oh he will give them back in a moment" he made her wait an eternity...
Poor girl was going to cry....
I know l could have said something, but l wanted to also be kind to him.
It went on forever.
Him laughing ... And me looking confused with a weak smile on my face.
Plus, he has done it before. With some sweets of hers.
It was also quite apparent that dd was upset.
I'm not going to report him, l just wondered if anyone else finds this odd.
I know he is doing it to be 'funny' but l think he has (again) over done it.

For me the issue here is that the second it became apparent that OPs DD didn't realise it was a joke, and began running back to the basket etc, the cashier should have gave up on his stupid prank.

Or either or both of her parents could have soothed her by saying "Look, it's hidden under the keypad".

Either way OP, I would just hide the thread and move on. It's not worth getting upset about the thoughts of random strangers on the internet

I agree. OP hide the thread and forget about it. It's beyond daft.

Those of us who work/ have worked in retail know what would happen if the cashier was reported.

Manager: 'X we had a complaint about someone who sounds like you. The customer didn't think you treated her child very nicely. Something about hiding some shopping.'
Cashier: 'What? Really? I was just trying to spice up my day, it's boring on the tills.'
Manager: Yeah, oh well. The child obviously didn't enjoy it so could you not do it again please?'
Cashier: 'Oh yeah, of course. Sorry.'

A report was have precisely no effect on his job other than him not playing the 'game'. None.

Even if the OP reported, it is not a crime and does not warrant a tenth of what has been said here. I say this as someone who has worked in a large chain store on customer services and been complained about at least twenty times.

The cashier sounds like a prick. Report him.

You should've said 'give me the hidden cakes you've secreted, I want to pack my shopping thanks.'

There is a difference between having an interaction with a child while on the till and hiding treats. If my children had this done to them at that age DS2 would have thought he was a stupid man, DC3 (asd) would have been confused and then very upset.
I would have said something, perhaps the op was bemused or shy. I wouldn't report him but I would avoid his till, in future if I HAD to go on his till then I would say something the second he hid another treat. Usually my death stare and resting bitch face stops shenanigans before they happen.

Feminine, putting aside this particular incident, what stood out to me is your and your DH's dislike of confrontation, which is perfectly understandable, but not good if it's at all costs. I wonder if you think that by standing up for yourself (and others) that it's going to backfire and you'll be on the receiving end of abuse? Like a fear of a backlash, and that your annoyance with the cashier is more diverted annoyance at yourself and DH for not handling it how you wanted at the time? I do think women in particular are conditioned to be "nice" and non-confrontational, but it also means we can be prone to not saying what we want to say. What I used to think was confrontation is actually just calm assertiveness, which I've thankfully managed to develop over the years. No-one has verbally attacked me when I've been assertive, yet that's what I used to fear. Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick, just thinking out loud.

I know how you feel about leaving MN (I've been pummelled on AIBU and was so bruised by it I left for a few weeks, before returning with a new name), so chin up

I would report such behaviour.

I'd find it odd, but he probably has no idea he is being odd. From his history of giving you his life story he sounds like someone who has no filter. I always find this sort of situation uncomfortable and like you would have probably smiled and hoped it would end before I said anything. I suspect you'll avoid him in future...maybe other shoppers will too!

Aside from this, this thread has escalated quickly. I wouldn't take it personally at all as I think people generally say things on forums they wouldn't say in rl and no-one really knows you or your situation. I don't think people have intended to upset you, but rather dissected the situation to work out the 'reasonableness' of what happened. I can understand how it has upset you tho, but please don't take it to heart.

Op you change your posts when you dont get what you want to hear.
People haven't insulted you, they just don't agree and are fed up of the patronising replies.

You're very good at playing the victim OP.

Agreed. OP is flouncing because she's been quite rightly called out on patronising and insulting other posters, and people are defending that

OP you do sound as if you struggle with confrontation, both on here and IRL. That's fine, it isn't easy and plenty of people don't actively like it. I do think that some of the responses on here have been brusque bordering on rude. Try just to shrug it off, these are not people you know and tone can be difficult on the internet. (I'd wink, but it might seem PA.)

If I were you what I would perhaps try to take away from this is the sense that amongst what might seem like rude responses, some of the criticism is quite valid. My mother, like you, tries to be kind to everyone. The result is that she can seem to her family to be putting them second. In situations where I would rather she had stuck up for me, she has given in to the other person because she was brought up to be polite and unassuming and if she weren't my mother I'd say a doormat . As an adult I can understand this, as a child I felt rather let down by it.

Practice just being a bit more assertive. And it is just assertiveness. You want to be kind but sometimes being kind actually takes a lot of strength, it's not just gritting your teeth and letting things be. Go over scenarios in your head and how you might deal with them. In future, if someone is upsetting your daughter, just say "my child is upset now" and ratchet it up from there if that doesn't stop them. That way your daughter can see you deal with situations you don't like calmly, politely BUT assertively so that as she gets older she can speak up for herself.

Echoing what Gabilan says about assertiveness - OP, you sound like you find it difficult to be confident at times - you can be clear and assertive without being rude or confrontational. If you'd looked him straight in the eye the first time he'd hid the shopping and said Can you not do that, please? the chances are that he would have just cut out the behaviour. You need to have confidence in yourself that what you're asking someone to do is not rude, stay calm, and just ask them to stop. Otherwise you're giving them the message that it's fine and you're enjoying the 'joke'.

He sounds like he's trying to engage with the kids, but taking it too far and ending up being an annoying twat.
To those all saying 'at 6, don't be a baby' have you got or had a 6 year old?! They're still young at that age, and an adult annoying git cashier could upset them!
If it was me and could see my child getting upset I'd say something like "don't worry, he's just being silly and hiding them.'
That way your dd is reassured, the man knows he's being a bit daft and should stop without being too confrontational.
How's he supposed to know you don't like it if you stand and smile at him?

So what your saying, is: you would rather your child be upset, than the cashier.

Our local supermarket has a long history of employing adults with learning difficulties. Usually, they collect the trolleys etc. but a few have graduated to the tills. It does sound like this "unusual" young man might have some issues, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be working there or doing what he does.

The best part of life is that it takes all sorts. Learning to deal with situations like OP and her DD were in is part of life's rich tapestry and he can't harm a child while her parents are both there to make sure she's happy.

The cashier might have been having some fun, but how long until he does it to the wrong child?

my ds is autistic, he's high functioning, but what that cashier did would have had him in a complete meltdown in an instant and i wouldnt have been dealing with a puzzled, distressed child, i'd have been having to run after him while he screamed and bolted.

He needs to stop it, its not funny.

Feminine... I was going to leave this thread because you were upset but you're coming across now as a bit disingenuous.

You said you weren't a doormat. I said I hated doormats and referred to my dad who is a lifelong doormat.

You said you don't 'avoid conflict' but what would you call 'not tackling' something that was really easy to tackle, ie. 'Stop that now please', smile, get on with your day. That's not 'conflict', lots of posters have suggested really nice ways of dealing with this.

You've mentioned that you've had long conversations with this chap about his personal life. Is it surprising that he sees you as some kind of 'friendly face'? Possibly why he bothers to interact with your daughter? I expect he would be quite sad to know that he upset her and you.

If you are as kind as you say you are then please, find another till to use. Don't set this person up to fail you again.

Again, I'm sorry if you were upset by any comment that I made but I'm not spiteful generally, nor towards you as a person, I'm not invested in your threads or with you as a poster, honestly I'm not and, if you stay, I expect I'll be agreeing with you on a thread very soon.

ASorcerer, your situation must be unimaginably hard but do you really want everyone to live in a world where no-one jokes with a stranger just in case they can't deal with it?

Most children would have enjoyed that and most children need more, not less adult interaction.

Yoursfan your post is childish too. Why are you going for the jugular when the OP has (quite rightly) bowed out after receiving a number of very personal and petty insults rather than criticism of her handling of the situation?

This thread is very nasty, and the OP does not deserve the personal criticism, regardless of your take on the situation. It is bullying.

yours there is no need to be so vicious.

yours it's incredibly vicious. The OP hasn't flounced because people are disagreeing with her, she has flounced due to some horrible personal remarks. Have you forgotten what 6 year olds can be like? I see plenty of them every day throwing tantrums. That's what children do.

The things you are writing are taking small details out of context and I see that as bullying.

Actually yoursfan your post wasn't an "astute observation" as you have arrogantly labelled it yourself, it was an insulting, bitchy outburst with no basis to it, other than to be horrible to the OP about her 6 yr old daughter.

Get back in your box will you? Your 'observations' are not required today.

We don't need to bring the OP's DD into it or call her names like crybaby.

She's six, possibly only just six, she's a little girl, and some children take things very seriously. But still, six is only little, only young.

I agree that the OP or her DH should have either said to their DD at the time that the man was playing a game or told him to stop hiding their shopping and let them get on with packing it.

And I think if people had said that more reasonably to the OP she would have been the first to agree.

yours I looked back over the thread to get an idea of why it's taken such a bad turn and I do think that the OP has reacted to unpleasant comments made to her first. But while I was reading back I noticed all of your posts so far (unless we've cross posted as I typed this, but certainly your first four posts) have made a reference to the OP's daughter being a baby or a crybaby. There's no need.

Perhaps the OP doesn't handle things like this as well as some others on here might manage to. Perhaps she is over thinking where other people would have just spoken up and then forgotten about it. If that's how she is then that's how she is, I can't see that it's helping for people to keep berating her. But it's certainly not helping to keep calling her child a crybaby when she's made it clear she's finding that type of reply upsetting.