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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cashier... Am l being unreasonable?

198 replies

Feminine · 07/06/2015 18:53

This isn't the first time he has done it.
So, l shouldn't have returned to his till - but l thought he wouldn't do it again.
This particular chap enjoys hiding an item, if he knows the child is waiting/wanting it.
Today it was a packet of nasty frozen themed cup cakes....
As soon as he has scanned them, he hid them under his keypad.
My daughter is six and she was wanting to take them straight away.
For what must have been at least two minutes, he claimed they had disappeared!
Dd was confused and kept checking the conveyor belt, the basket... The belt.
I kept thinking "oh he will give them back in a moment" he made her wait an eternity...
Poor girl was going to cry....
I know l could have said something, but l wanted to also be kind to him.
It went on forever.
Him laughing ... And me looking confused with a weak smile on my face.
Plus, he has done it before. With some sweets of hers.
It was also quite apparent that dd was upset.
I'm not going to report him, l just wondered if anyone else finds this odd.
I know he is doing it to be 'funny' but l think he has (again) over done it.

OP posts:
chippednailvarnish · 07/06/2015 19:57

Lying you're completely right.

OP there is nothing spiteful in what Lying has said. The fact that two adults stood by and allowed a. very. young. six. year. old. to be nearly reduced to tears says far more about both of them, than the person serving or Lying.

CombineBananaFister · 07/06/2015 19:57

He's probably trying to 'engage' with you to make it a 'personal interaction' with the customer albeit very badly. I could just imagine my dad doing this Blush as he 'torments' DS all the time but genuinely thinks he's having a laugh/ribbing him.

Just ask him for the cakes next time as bewildering as it seems unless he seems to be malicious or dislike kids I bet he thinks you're having a great ole' time with the 'joke'.

Yellowbird54321 · 07/06/2015 20:00

I have been reading this puzzling the whole time over frozen cup cakes - I was about to post asking about frozen cupcakes as I've never heard of them and couldn't imagine a cup cake being freezable Confused

Anyway I re-read the op before posting and realised they were frozen themed cupcakes Blush

Sorry - as you were.

TiggerLillies · 07/06/2015 20:01

This is the second post I've read where people have complained about how someone interacted with their child and I can honestly not understand why the parents stood by and watched. Curious as to what you are thinking as you watched this scenario unfold?
You don't need confrontation to say 'oh the man is hiding it', to saying to the cashier 'my daughter is a bit tired for games right now' or roundtable's excellent suggestions of joining in the game.

Icimoi · 07/06/2015 20:03

Don't report him. He was playing a game with her, and simply not doing it well and failing to read the signals. The main reason your dd got upset is because you didn't stop it.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2015 20:04

I would have just told my child the silly man was hiding them and told him to give them to me now.

InstitutionCode · 07/06/2015 20:06

He was playing.

The 2 most worrying things here are a 6yo who gets "distressed" by missing cupcakes and a mother who doesn't just say "I wonder where the silly nice man has hidden them" if DD hasn't got the game.

He might have misjudged things but he was just trying to engage.

Shakey1500 · 07/06/2015 20:08

I don't understand reporting him Hmm He's obviously misjudged customer interaction (badly) but honestly I'd have told him the first time it was inappropriate. I certainly wouldn't have returned a second time (I actively avoid one cashier at the supermarket because she take an AGE) and if I HAD to use him I certainly wouldn't have stood for it a second time.

SaucyJack · 07/06/2015 20:09

He overstepped the mark. Tease your own kids to the point of tears if that's really your idea of a good time :-S, but you don't do it to other people's.

Having said that, YWBtotallyU to play along with it. Why did you not just ask for your cakes?

expatinscotland · 07/06/2015 20:12

YABU, for not telling him to stop doing that.

ttc2015 · 07/06/2015 20:12

Some people think they are being really funny and not at all unprofessional and annoying, I have a friend that acts this way with all of us until we pull him up on it. He's not a unpleasant person, he's just such a fucking idiot and would have liked it to happen to him and so can't understand that others wouldn't.

I would be firm with him next time and say, "Can you stop that, you are upsetting my daughter and putting me off shopping here." Husband hating confrontation, I can understand because I've family like that and they are very easily embarrassed but you can nip this behaviour in the bud for all your sakes including an unprofessional man who may well get mystery shopped and, if pulling the same trick, will be in trouble.

Gabilan · 07/06/2015 20:14

"I don't understand reporting him"

I think it depends on how it's done. You could just describe the incident and make it clear that you see it as a training issue, not a disciplinary issue. True it might be fairer if the OP had said something the first time and then only complained if it had happened a second time though.

Bluetonic123 · 07/06/2015 20:15

I think he probably misjudged but my 5 year old nephew would have found it quite funny. I think you would have been within your rights to say something but as you stood by and said nothing he probably thought you were going along with it.

Some people just aren't naturally good with children and get it wrong sometimes. Your daughter didn't come to any harm. I think reporting him would be overreacting.

InstitutionCode · 07/06/2015 20:18

I think most 4/5/6 yo's I know would have enjoyed it too Bluetonic. This one didn't but she had both parents with her to make it all ok and they didn't Confused

GatoradeMeBitch · 07/06/2015 20:20

He may have been playing, or he may have been an arsehole who enjoys making kids cry, or playing power games with the mums who come through. If he's done it before, presumably he didn't get a rapturous response the first time?

Report him. He can explain his thought process to his boss, or at least they can hopefully keep an eye on him. And if you get him again, put the thing he's likely to hide at the end so he doesn't have time to dick around.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 07/06/2015 20:28

And then others complain when cashiers don't say a word except to ask for payment...

OP YABU - if your DD was really upset you could easily have said something there and then. I can't believe some people are seriously suggesting that you should complain about him!

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 20:36

We did make it okay, once we returned to our car.
I'm not on trial here.
I asked if he should have done that?
How l handled it, wasn't my question.
I wanted to be polite to him, and give him a chance. It was only when we left, that l suddenly realised the tornado of stupidity he'd put us through.
All teeny details that add to our behaviour today, are very difficult to convey here.
I've always thought that.
Anyway, my 'smile'. There was no Cheshire cat about it. It was a typical supermarket smile, shopping... Packing the remaining shopping etc...
My daughter genuinely fell for his trick, and l was hoping it would end quickly.
lying
I'm no doormat.
My nature (to my detriment) is kind

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 20:38

cham no it wasn't.
Supermarket with an M, in the West Country :)

OP posts:
TwinkieTwinkle · 07/06/2015 20:40

It sounds to me like he's just trying to play. My DS would have got it but I can understand that a lot of kids might not. We have that kind of jokey attitude at home. Why not just explain to your daughter that he's trying have a bit of fun with her? That she will get her treat at the end.

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 20:42

He is young.
During my experiences with him, he has told me all about himself.
(when l'm alone, he doesn't hide anything)
He had told me about his family, his interests ... His girlfriend blah blah.
He is a character, that is for sure.
I've remembered why we normally have it delivered...

OP posts:
InstitutionCode · 07/06/2015 20:44

I really can't see what he did wrong. Most kids would have enjoyed it. He's probably been doing it a dozen or more times a day since your last visit and getting a great response.

Your DD didn't enjoy it but it woudln't have been hard to stop it.

My DS1 used to hate those mascots where an adult dresses as a bear etc and would get distressed if one approached. It was my job to prevent it. I'm not about to suggest all the DC who love them should be deprived though.

It was a game that most DC would enjoy. IMO people like him make life just that little bit more pleasant, most of the time.

TheFairyCaravan · 07/06/2015 20:51

I can't see what he did wrong either. My kids would have found it funny, at 5/6, and would have played along with it.

You knew your DD was getting upset and didn't get the job, so you should have told her what was happening. You are the one at fault here.

TheFairyCaravan · 07/06/2015 20:52

*get the joke, not the job! Damn autocorrect!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/06/2015 21:00

You didn't ask if HE was being unreasonable, Feminine, you asked if you were. Given that later in the thread you said your other two children would have found it amusing to varying degrees, clearly you are.

I don't think that your default is 'kind', I think it's 'avoid confrontation at all costs'. It certainly isn't kind to report somebody without having ever told them that you don't like their behaviour. Still, I expect he'll get the message when his manager tells him and you'll be able to look forward to a sterile shopping experience from that point on. I think far from being kind, you're doing this man a disservice.

A question... what were you teaching your daughter about supermarket shopping? How to talk to people? The right way of handling things, etc.?

My posting style is what it is. I don't modify it depending on who is posting. I can disagree with somebody on one thread and be in complete agreement on another. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sorry if you think it is harsh.

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 21:07

lying l can't help but think you sound overly invested in how l handled it. You don't know enough about me (obviously) to claim l "avoid confrontation at all costs" if you did, you'd choke on your words.
I can assure you, l'm a good mum my eldest is 16 and perfectly well adjusted.
You are correct about my title, l should have asked was he
What l wondered was if others might find it too much.
My daughter sleeps soundly tonight. Wink

OP posts: