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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cashier... Am l being unreasonable?

198 replies

Feminine · 07/06/2015 18:53

This isn't the first time he has done it.
So, l shouldn't have returned to his till - but l thought he wouldn't do it again.
This particular chap enjoys hiding an item, if he knows the child is waiting/wanting it.
Today it was a packet of nasty frozen themed cup cakes....
As soon as he has scanned them, he hid them under his keypad.
My daughter is six and she was wanting to take them straight away.
For what must have been at least two minutes, he claimed they had disappeared!
Dd was confused and kept checking the conveyor belt, the basket... The belt.
I kept thinking "oh he will give them back in a moment" he made her wait an eternity...
Poor girl was going to cry....
I know l could have said something, but l wanted to also be kind to him.
It went on forever.
Him laughing ... And me looking confused with a weak smile on my face.
Plus, he has done it before. With some sweets of hers.
It was also quite apparent that dd was upset.
I'm not going to report him, l just wondered if anyone else finds this odd.
I know he is doing it to be 'funny' but l think he has (again) over done it.

OP posts:
DeidreChambersWhatACoincidence · 07/06/2015 19:09

That would annoy me. I'm getting pretty sick of my shopping being analysed at the checkout, now they're hiding it too? Confused

I guess he was teasing/trying to be funny, but it sounds tiresome.

WoonerismSpit · 07/06/2015 19:09

yours I would be distressed if someone hid my cupcakes, and I'm nearly 30!

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:10

jaffa cake
Yes, we get it delivered normally. From somewhere else.
Only Dh wanted dental floss, and one thing led to another.... Wink

OP posts:
Bannerstaying · 07/06/2015 19:11

Surely he us just trying to be friendly jokey but is one of hose who doesn't get how to - probably not good with kids or adults. As the mum I would have been pre- warned after the last time and just told my child in as pleasant a voice as possible where he was hiding them.

TheRoseAndTheFire · 07/06/2015 19:12

I do think you should have said something. He was being a twat but you were in on the 'joke' in that you knew where they were too. Even if it was something like 'the silly man has hidden them DD'. Why would you go along with it until your DD was so upset she was nearly crying?

EloiseSharpe · 07/06/2015 19:13

I work in a supermarket.

I'd strongly advise you to formally report him, and take the name of the manager and follow up

(I don't know which chain it is but I know at mine it would be taken seriously- not like a formal warning but in terms of him being talked to about it - it's a training issue).

We are encouraged to engage with children for good customer service but to take the parent's lead on it.

The reason is not to get "revenge" or to punish him.

But he is being unprofessional and overstepping a boundary, and could potentially do this on the wrong person/child/in the wrong situation one day and it could really backfire.

(imagine him trying this on another family, and then a bolshy male DP coming back in and going "oi mate you been making my little princess cry". Not good for anyone)

So you need to do this for his sake as much as anyone else's.

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:13

Oh, dd didn't think they were hidden .
In her six year old mind, she thought they were gone...
deidre that made me laugh. Although it isn't really funny is it?
I suppose he took the 'interact with your customers' bit, slightly too far!

OP posts:
Hygge · 07/06/2015 19:14

Six isn't that old. Certainly not too old to cry over mean behaviour from an adult.

Jakadaal · 07/06/2015 19:15

Or ..... Maybe he was trying to play a little game with a customers child to offer a bit of friendly (sounds like misguided) customer service. Might have misfired but for her to be nearly in tears and you to be annoyed is a bit of an over reaction.

A simple 'oh where are the cakes?' To him and am sure he would of realised his mistake and handed them over

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:16

rose true...
It escalated quite quickly....
For a while you smile through gritted teeth and then you realise the one man show has been going on a fair bit...
Supermarkets...sucking all rational from us l suppose. :)

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 07/06/2015 19:19

Report him. An autistic child could have a meltdown because of his actions!

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:20

Yes, six is young.
Especially compared to an adult in a position of 'power'
I may just let the supermarket know. If that us for the best...
We were able to explain to dd in the car that it was a joke... A weird one... But a joke nonetheless.
Someone dose may get a bit more disgruntled.

OP posts:
chippednailvarnish · 07/06/2015 19:20

He's a knob, but you could have simply asked him to give you the cakes Confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/06/2015 19:21

I really can't believe the number of people who, having done and said nothing, are encouraging OP reporting this man. What about:

OP:

Clown:

OP: tells clown "Stop that please".

This has happened before and OP stood by. I don't think it's reasonable of a six year old to cry about something like this but that was down to OP, she had complete control of this non-event.

OP... This was on YOU. Don't do it again. If you can't bring yourself to tell the Clown to stop mucking about then go through self-service or find.another.checkout.

Silly. Hmm

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:31

lying
I think you are being harsh.
In most of your points.
It isn't really fair to lay the whole incident at my door.
My nature is of fairness. Even though he was being a tit, l still wanted to remain polite.
I'm sure this will be considered a 'drip feed' but l was also shopping with a husband who avoids (due to personal reasons) public scenes at all costs.
I needed to be mindful of that.
That information wasn't included originally, but l know that is always my starting point internally.
I'll remind you again.
Six. is. still. very. young ;)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/06/2015 19:39

Feminine... You said this isn't the first time. It's neither fair or polite to report somebody when you haven't even ever told them to stop their silly game. This man sounds like one of those uncles who does ridiculous and unfunny 'magic' tricks to make kids laugh.

Where would a public scene happen whereby you say, quietly - "Stop that please". Is that aggressive?

I don't know why you keep saying 'Six is still very young'. It doesn't matter; you think it's young yet your daughter was on the verge of tears and you stood by. That is on you, whether you like or accept it or not.

I hate the word 'mindful', it's a ridiculously excusing word.

Nobody else is going to stand up for your daughter except you and your husband and that is both of your jobs. If you don't then you don't but please don't feign fairness and politeness when you nod your head at reporting somebody when you did nothing to stop it... more than once. You could have prevented this.

Suefla62 · 07/06/2015 19:39

As you've said numerous times Six. Is. Still. Very. Young. Now you've told us DH was there as well and neither of you stood up to him on your daughters behalf, what a pathetic pair you are.

abigamarone · 07/06/2015 19:40

I don't think standing there smiling helped matters.

FretYeNotAllIsShiny · 07/06/2015 19:41

That's a bit twattish. I'm the opposite, i ask the parents if the child wants back the item they were holding onto at the till. Most do. Some want their own bag to put "their items" in. I think you should treat even the littlest customers with courtesy.

I've had several very young customers today buying summer toys with pocket money. I've not managed to distress any of them. It should be a good experience for children to buy their own things, it's a terrible thing to upset customers, no matter how old they are.

roundtable · 07/06/2015 19:49

It's a slightly odd thing to do but some of my oddest interactions with people have been a supermarket so I'm not surprised.

He sounds, from the information you've given us, that he has good intentions but the delivery is off for you.

I think I probably would have joined in the 'game' giving dc clues as to where he's hidden it. Maybe that's what his customers normally do and so he thinks they like it? My eldest ds would think it was great fun.

Avoid him in the future though for your own peace of mind.

Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:49

lying
It isn't really up to you to decide what words l use to explain things.
You sound spiteful today.
That is unfortunate, as l normally enjoy your responses - you normally sound quite measured.
I pondered for a while, before posting today.
I knew it would be difficult to convey the strangeness of the incident here
I gave the cashier a second chance.
My daughter got over it.
I just wanted to know if it was an odd situation.
It is not for me to own his mistake/adapt me. We all think of better wats to cope after an odd situation.
I coped as well as l could, in that moment.

Thank you all for your responses.
The harsh ones too. Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:51

abi
I wouldn't say it was a warm smile.
It was the perfect one for the time though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 07/06/2015 19:53

round
I think it might have been funny for a younger child even...
My 16 year old would have been livid, but my eleven year old might have rustled up some amusement.
So, l agree with you. :)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/06/2015 19:55

I'm not spiteful, Feminine, I don't like doormats. My dad always used to stand there and smile when people would push us around in the name of 'fun'. It wasn't. He didn't like confrontation either, even when there was none. A quick "Please give my daughter her cakes" in your scenario would have done the trick.

Use whatever words you like, if you post them then expect comments.

One last question, did you by thought, word or deed convey to this cashier the last time that you didn't like his method? If not, then how was he supposed to know? Can you honestly say that he would, given that you smiled?

ChameleonCircuit · 07/06/2015 19:57

OP was this in a Tesco in town starting with B? Because if not there are two of these plonkers.