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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cashier... Am l being unreasonable?

198 replies

Feminine · 07/06/2015 18:53

This isn't the first time he has done it.
So, l shouldn't have returned to his till - but l thought he wouldn't do it again.
This particular chap enjoys hiding an item, if he knows the child is waiting/wanting it.
Today it was a packet of nasty frozen themed cup cakes....
As soon as he has scanned them, he hid them under his keypad.
My daughter is six and she was wanting to take them straight away.
For what must have been at least two minutes, he claimed they had disappeared!
Dd was confused and kept checking the conveyor belt, the basket... The belt.
I kept thinking "oh he will give them back in a moment" he made her wait an eternity...
Poor girl was going to cry....
I know l could have said something, but l wanted to also be kind to him.
It went on forever.
Him laughing ... And me looking confused with a weak smile on my face.
Plus, he has done it before. With some sweets of hers.
It was also quite apparent that dd was upset.
I'm not going to report him, l just wondered if anyone else finds this odd.
I know he is doing it to be 'funny' but l think he has (again) over done it.

OP posts:

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/06/2015 23:09

I'd have leaned across the conveyor and screamed in his face "Give her the fucking cupcakes, you cunt."

Or in a normal frame of mind, I would have said "Please don't hide my daughter's treats again. I know you think it is funny, and are only having a joke, but she is six and it is distressing her."

Gabilan · 07/06/2015 23:10

"let's report a guy and potentially cost him his job "

I know supermarkets aren't the best employers but legally they aren't going to be able to sack someone over one very minor incident. It's far more likely that it would be taken up as a training issue to start with.

SpringInTheStep · 07/06/2015 23:13

I'm afraid I'm another one who agrees with everything lying has said. Apple, you're forgetting that the OP has encountered this cashier's unwanted behaviours before, and didn't learn from it. So yes, it crossed my mind that someone could be 'frozen' at the time, but a second time? Really? That's something I'd suggest needs looking at more closely than his behaviour to be honest. He might be an idiot but the poor man probably thinks he's scored a hit with you all, all those smiles and nods of approval.

Knowing how he was the last time, you should have put your guard up to protect your daughter - especially if he managed to upset her last time too.

So yeah, it's a game I'd give short shift to, but equally e can only be directed by the response he gets, and that part is YOUR complete responsibility. Not his.

WeAllHaveWings · 07/06/2015 23:13

You would be very unreasonable to report him for such a minor incident. Personally don't understand why you couldn't say 'she's getting upset now can you give her her cakes please".

That's not being unkind and definitely not causing a dh upsetting scene. being unkind is not saying anything but reporting him behind his back for trying to be funny. Think about how you would like to be treated if you unintentionally upset someone's child, would you rather they said something there and then or blew it out of proportion reported you to your boss?

Fairenuff · 07/06/2015 23:35

Don't report him. Some children would love this play. If your dd doesn't just tell him not to do it. He won't know unless you tell him.

kissmethere · 07/06/2015 23:35

Not read the whole thread. You need to report. It's a bit sadistic (harsh) to watch a child go through this for a little joke, really a pleasure. It's not funny.
Avoid using his till and report him. I hate it when adults think this kind of thing is light hearted, it's not!

kissmethere · 07/06/2015 23:37

And to add you should have spoken up. Either speak up or let him carry on I you can bare your dc having to deal with that.

kali110 · 08/06/2015 00:48

He isn't the unreasonable one here, you are.
He plays a trick on your daughter that you know he has played before, yet instead of saying anything at the time, when your daughter gets pissed off now you are annoyed??
Why would he not play the joke again when you never said anything the last time? Poor bloke, tries to engage with customer, has a smile from them then potentially is reported.
Your daughter is nearly crying at the till and you and your husband say nothing, yet you think he is the unreasonable one?
Everything lying said is right, not spiteful.

spillyobeans · 08/06/2015 01:02

One of those sort of people ythat think there being reaaaallyyyyy funny but just actually patronising and really annoying! I wouldn't say the intention was bad on his part, i wouldn't report it id just avoid him/his till in future!!

Original poster

Feminine · 08/06/2015 06:23

Typical.
Okay, l can't puck up on all points/questions.
I didn't "stand by" and watch him humiliate my daughter. My daughter didn't have a strop or a tantrum. (mentioned much earlier)
This guy has previously taken her sweets and done the same silly routine.
This was a while back, she wasn't particularly upset then (if at all) she was much younger /not so aware.
Yesterday, she was shopping, she placed her cakes on the belt, and was getting ready to pack them.
Again, difficult to convey here... But he isn't an engaging 'trying to interact' character. There isn't any vintage charm about him. He just likes doing it...
Before l moved toward his till, it crossed my mind (that maybe I shouldn't) l gave him another chance l suppose.

What l have noticed recently, is the piling in and insulting posts. Not just on mine, but in general.
Yesterday my parenting was called in to question.
I've been called "weak.. and a doormat"
"cruel"
So has my husband.
Does that really help educate and inform me?
I was asking if his antics were acceptable?
Afterall, l was just the customer.

OP posts:

kittycatz · 08/06/2015 06:40

You should have had a different thread title if you were asking if his antics were acceptable. You wrote "Cashier - am I being unreasonable?"
I don't think what he did is acceptable but that is not the question you originally asked so you cannot be surprised if people answer the question you asked.

I think he shouldn't be doing this but maybe he thought he knows you quite well because you seem to have chatted with him a lot.. or he has chatted to you about various things and you had to listen to him! Perhaps he thought you knew each other well enough to play a little joke on your DD (twice). However, I don't like people playing "jokes" like that on children. It isn't funny and I think some of these people do get a kick out of winding children up. I remember some people doing this to me as a child and it is very unpleasant. So yes I think he was being unreasonable.

Now you need a strategy for the next time this happens so that you can stop him straightaway before he plays another not-funny trick on your DD which he surely will because you have given him no indication that his behaviour is unacceptable.

You can avoid his check-out
You can tell him calmly and firmly as soon as he starts to give the items to your daughter. Tell him that your DD does not like this hiding game, it upsets her and he is to stop doing it.
If he does not stop when you have politely and calmly asked him to, then you could consider reporting it to management.

CamelHump · 08/06/2015 06:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 08/06/2015 06:57

You asked if you were being unreasonable, and yes I think you were. Why stand there smiling if you know your daughter is getting upset? Just tell her he's joking.

Original poster

Feminine · 08/06/2015 07:04

kitty Yes, l did say l should have changed my title.
It isn't a massive problem, like l said - normally we have our groceries delivered from another place.
camel
I wanted to see if others would be annoyed/offended.
I'm no stranger to this little nook on MN, what l had forgotten about... is the twisting and cruel comments that spew forth when one poster decides to rewrite the experience.
It isn't difficult to keep up with what the op is saying. Mine are in a different colour.

OP posts:

SoldierBear · 08/06/2015 07:05

Yes, your are unreasonable for not stepping in when you saw your DD was upset.
You could have sorted it there and then rather than posting on here

Original poster

Feminine · 08/06/2015 07:08

I wasn't a standing there grinning expression.
It was a gritted teeth, busy shopping face.

No chortling.

Just bewilderment that his stage show had moved on a notch!

My daughter was upset at the time.
After we explained he was being silly, she understood.
I don't think the experience was the end of the world for her
It, did, just upset her.

OP posts:

hullabaloo234 · 08/06/2015 07:09

I'm not sure if you realise quite how patronising and condescending you sound when you post OP, but you really do! And what is with the constant use of ..... after each (oddly short) line?! Makes for a really, really irritating read!
Your poor DD, getting wound up whilst BOTH her parents stood there and said nothing Out of interest, how bad would a situation need to get before you 'made a scene'??

MackerelOfFact · 08/06/2015 07:12

Maybe he'd been told to interact with the kids, but not knowing any kids didn't really know what to do. Maybe the store have been told not to let children have goods until they've been paid for. Maybe he's on the autistic spectrum and can't easily judge when a game isn't being well-received by the other person. Maybe he's a monster that likes upsetting children.

Whatever the reason, asking him to give the cakes back would've almost certainly resolved it immediately.

NerrSnerr · 08/06/2015 07:15

I'm sorry OP, you said she was getting upset and you could have easily resolved the situation. She is your daughter so your responsibility. I think it's sad that you and your husband will stand there letting your daughter get upset to avoid confrontation.

Mistigri · 08/06/2015 07:16

Cashier sounds like an idiot and if I were his employer I might like know about his idea of "customer service".

But why on earth didn't you just ask him politely for the cupcakes?

Pumpkinpositive · 08/06/2015 07:23

I'll remind you again.
Six. is. still. very. young ;)

Am I the only one to think this OP has a really unfortunate supercilious posting style? And what's with all the PA smilies?

To your question though, however you frame it, you are the one most at fault here, not the cashier. This was the second time he'd upset your daughter with an ill judged game. There was nothing "kind" about letting this happen.

hullabaloo234 · 08/06/2015 07:27

No, definitely not the only one pumpkin! it might be thst I am 39 weeks pregnant and unreasonable but gosh I find those PA smiles and .....'s irritating!

AmarettoSour · 08/06/2015 07:50

Me too Pumpkin, it's really odd isn't it?!

OP you clearly believe you couldn't have handled the situation any better, so why post at all?

SoldierBear · 08/06/2015 07:51

So your DD (who is very young for her age) was upset at the time.
And you stood their and did nothing.
Later you explained and she was fine.
So, either accept that she is very young and gets very upset or do something at the time.
Don't just stand there like a lemon and then have a moan

WanderingTrolley1 · 08/06/2015 08:07

Report his unprofessional behaviour - it's not big or clever.

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