Ds friend spends his bday money on them and friends parents want money back

[brownpaperbag2]

This time of year there are lots of summer fares - one for the primary school, one for the secondary school, one for the village, one for the football club, one for the scout group, etc. as a family we spend a lot at the fares we go to, about £60 at each. For this reason I pick the fares we want to support, primary and secondary schools in the main.

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park and the friend took his £90 birthday money and between them they spent it in 3 hours. Friends mum wasn't aware her son had taken his birthday money or that the recreation ground had a fare on. They went on the bouncy castle that is like an obstacle course which was 50p a go, a bungee game, and had burgers, tattoos, drinks etc

She just called to ask me for £45!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to say no?

I wonder if the friend is saying your son 'made' him spend it on him. It's amazing how even the most honest of children bend the truth if their parents seem annoyed at what they've done!

I think YANBU. It's a gentle lesson to the friend to be a bit more careful with money. Obviously the parent thinks otherwise. I guess it depends how much you want to deal with the fall-out as to what you do next!

It was her responsibility to put that money somewhere safe letting an 8 year old have access to £90 is crazy and stupid parenting.

I would want to know EXACTLY how that £90 got spent first and I wouldn't give her £45 but I would probably give something maybe £20 and my son would get a severe punishment for going somewhere he shouldn't.

Mine would not be let out unsupervised for quite a while, "little village" or not, he obviously isn't sensible enough.

As your DS had the benefit of the money I think you have to contribute something., I would be taking half of what you contribute from his pocket money though.

I think all parties are a bit responsible really. The boys should both know better as they are trusted to be unsupervised usually. An error of judgement on parents side too, as clearly they are too young to be unsupervised away from the house. A "little village" doesn't bestow magical protection!

I'd say no. it's tough, but the child has to learn taking money and spending it recklessly will result in no money! as for your DS he would be in major trouble for wandering off at 8. you knew he was going to the park, that's where you thought he was, he should have stayed there. if you had gone looking for him that would have caused some serious trouble as possibly police would have to get involved etc. (and I would really drill that home, how you could have thought he had been taken, or run over etc) and he would be punished.

How long were they gone for?

To be honest, at 8yrs old he should know better than to allow a friend to spend his money on him...let alone to go off to the event when you've categorically told him no.

I would definitely be paying half back, and finding a way for your son to cover it. Even if you have to sell something of his.

I'm questioning how £90 could be spent at a fare, how long were they gone for?

DD called at 12 to ask if her and her friend could go to the school fare, I took her £10 to share between them and they are still there!

The words "fuck" and "off" equal £45.

Give her those.

Several have mentioned that the other boy needs to learn the value of money, etc. but doesn't the OP's son also need to learn the same and that it's not on to spend another person's money??

He was told no going to the fate, sneaked off to it with a friend and allowed the friend to spend a lot of money on him.

OP do the right thing and reimburse the other boy for what he spent on your DS.

I don't think I would punish my son particularly over the money though, they're 8 years old. I don't know many 8 year olds that would turn down some burgers, games and bouncy castles that a friend was offering up.

I am very angry at my son. He knew I had said no to the fare.

One of the reasons for saying no is that it is much more expensive than other community groups fares. £4.50 for a burger, £4.00 for face painting, 50p for a go on the bouncy obstacle course that takes 1 min at most!

They used to charge an entrance dee of £5 per family and you got nothing for it! Then they were told they couldn't charge entry as the recreation ground was community property.

I am going to say to my sons friends parents, who are not my friends, we just say hello at the play ground kind of thing. That my son doesn't have that money. He has £20 from his grand pa, which they can have straight off, but the rest he has to earn through chores.

I will make him work and as he earns each £5 he can give it to he parents. They can also make him work for it too.

Both boys can learn the lesson.

I think his friend was acting the big I am with his wad of cash - Loads a money!

So two eight year olds each spent £15 an hour on bouncy castles and burgers for 3 hours and no adult knew what they were doing?
I can't believe the other parents asked you for the money tbh, it probably didn't even occur to your son to think about the cost. He would have just gone along with his friend without giving it a thought.
It would be very decent of you to make the contribution, but they should have had better control of what was going on.

I assumed temporary tattoos - even so, how does anyone spend £90 at a fair?
I would be inclined to pay if I could afford the money. Both boys are old enough to know better.

I wouldn't pay I'm afraid. Your son's friend may have told your son that he had permission to spend the money.

Also, I would not have left £90 in the control of an 8yo but would have kept it until he found something he really wanted.

Hopefully the two boys will learn a valuable lesson.

Local fête, £90! Between just the two of them? Yeah right. I suspect that birthday boy was treating other friends too. Or some notes fell out of his pocket. That would be my initial reaction.

But then thinking about it... 2 boys, 3 hours unsupervised, could get through £15 an hour each. Say if its £2 bouncy castle, £4 for a burger etc.

I would be having a talk to my ds about this. Find out what he went on and did. What he ate and drank etc. Then I would total up a rough estimate. I would then tell fs that we need to find a way to come up with some cash to pay it back.

I would use this as an opportunity to teach your ds more about the value of money and not accepting cash gifts.

Am I understanding this right- your son asked you whether he could go to the fair prior to his friend coming over and you said no?

Whilst I think the other mother shouldn't be asking for money and that her son shouldn't have been able to lay his hands on that amount of money without her knowing, your son must have known he was doing something wrong as you'd already told him he couldn't go. I would be making him earn some money doing jobs to repay some of the money. Maybe not half, but enough to make him understand the value of money and the consequences of disobeying you.

I am really struggling to understand how they managed to spend so much money though

Ah, I posted before you put the prices. £4.50 for a burger, Holy crap!

I think I'd offer £20 because, well because it's a decent thing to do.

Your son couldnt have spent anything if it hadn't been for his friend. However, your ds did spend it with him. I imagine he knows this is wrong at 8? I wouldn't stump up half though.

And yy to the other posters who are wondering wtf 2 8 yo boys are doing unknown to any adults for hours and why the other boy had access to his £90 to spend like that! Mind boggling tbh!

I'd make sure they actually spent £90 first, the friend might still have a few tenners in his back pocket!

I think with regard to the fair it does depend where you live, the children seem to be somewhat more free range here than is normal for Mumsnet.

When I was a child 80s/90s we often used to go of to local parks on our own disappearing off for several hours at a time and if there had been a fair or fete on we would have gone to it. From what I can observe of local primary school aged children not much seems to have changed, I often see young children out on their own.

When the funfair is on there is often groups of young children attending on their own, it is just normal where we are. I suppose it depends where you live and what is normal where you are but here I wouldn't think anything of an eight year old going out to play for a few hours. My mother works at the local supermarket and says she sees primary school aged children coming in alone to get some shopping for their parents.

We aren't a small village, it is a small town but everything is pretty safe.

I think the other family should get their £45 back and that your approach - i.e your DS works for the money to give it back in dribs and drabs - is reasonable. At 8 he's old enough to appreciate that you don't just burn through that sort of amount of someone else's money, whatever the friend is saying.

Well I'm surprised by the amount spent, I would guess to pay £5 on one burger, £2.50 on an ice cream. I guess they could get through £5 each on games. Maybe a £10 each on tat or general rubbish - the toys sold at fairs are plastic crap and not that cheap.

So I can see how they could spend £50 but £90 is a lot.

If your ds knew it was his friends birthday money then I would try and work out how much was his true spend and give that back, although you don't have too and working out what each child spent will be tricky.

I have an 8 yr old dd and she goes off to the village hall and events with friends but we are always accompany her there and are at the events even if she is off on her own and we are in a small village, it's safe but you have to hope they have the maturity to police themselves.

So I wouldnt give your son free reign for a week or so just to make sure he gets how much he let himself down.

Sounds like your ds got swept along having fun and probably didn't think about who was paying for it.

Unless the friend actually said 'This is my money, you must pay me back' I don't think your ds can be blamed.

If my dd was the child with the money I'd be cross at her, not the friend.

I wouldn't give the full half - so the boy misbehaves, spends his money then gets £45 back? life doesn't work like that....

lessons all round - don't give a small child £90 (and don't leave it where he can get it at it!)

a severe bollocking for the OPs son for disobedience and wandering off. And for wasting so much money.

some contribution (not half) for what the OPs son wasted. If the other child had not had all that money, they could not have spent it.

that's why you don't let small children have access to money.

And consider it a lesson learned