Ds friend spends his bday money on them and friends parents want money back

[brownpaperbag2]

This time of year there are lots of summer fares - one for the primary school, one for the secondary school, one for the village, one for the football club, one for the scout group, etc. as a family we spend a lot at the fares we go to, about £60 at each. For this reason I pick the fares we want to support, primary and secondary schools in the main.

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park and the friend took his £90 birthday money and between them they spent it in 3 hours. Friends mum wasn't aware her son had taken his birthday money or that the recreation ground had a fare on. They went on the bouncy castle that is like an obstacle course which was 50p a go, a bungee game, and had burgers, tattoos, drinks etc

She just called to ask me for £45!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to say no?

That post wasn't in response to you keith.

I think that if a friend wanted to treat a friend, then that's ok. I wouldnt punish my child for that.

I would offer some, your child enjoyed his fair share.

Yabu and need to cough up.

You're son knew he shouldn't have been doing what he was doing.

Why on earth should the op's son be entitled to spend half his friends birthday money, at a fayre he'd been specifically told he wasn't allowed to go to, with no consequences?

Exactly, Keith.

oooooh LOVE Switch's idea of treating the other boy at the next fayre.

Ooh I think switch has a great solution

I agree Slithy, but £90 is a lot of money when you are 8. Presumably that is what the other childs mother is upset about. I rather suspect that if it had been £30 (which is still a lot of meoney to an 8yo) she might have told her son to suck it up, but £90 is bloody excessive.

I agree with pp's that I would be trying to find out exactly what they had spent it on. fags

Dd2 almost did this when she was 8 with dd1s money. I was helping at the fete and a teacher kindly drew my attention to her about to hand over £20 to buy all her mates raffle tickets! She had already spent £15 on them, various bits of tat, cakes etc. She hadn't meant to take dd1s money I like to think, but thought it was her own.

It did spur me on to open bank accounts for them both.

I wouldn't have expected other parents to pay if she had managed to spend it all though.

However £90 is a huge amount of money for two 8 year olds to have on them, I'm surprised none of the fete workers challenged/intervened.

The other parents should have stopped their DS taking the £90. They didn't and that's their look out. I might offer a smaller amount £10 to £20 as goodwill gesture but I think the fault is mostly with the other boy's parents.

My ds is 8 and would be absolutely delighted to be treated to a few hours at a fayre by a mate.
He has some appreciation of what money is worth, but if someone just said "let's go on this" and "let's have burgers and ice cream" etc, I doubt he would think to keep a tally.
Not saying "no" isn't the same as taking advantage of someone, and I would be asking lots of questions before I decided if or how much money to give the friend's parents.

I would, however, be bloody furious if he left somewhere he told me would be and went somewhere he knew he wasn't allowed.

omg
i would mostly be bollocking my child if they did this, and teaching them about freeloading off friends. and yes, i'd probably give some money back - based on what my child said about how it was spent (just to check it was 50:50)

'It doesn't sound like the boys had an issue tbh'

No, it doesn't. If they do, when the other boy realises he's spent all his money, they'll be able to find a solution that suits them. If it was my 8 year old it would come up next time there was a fair/event, 'last time I shared my money with you and this time you can share your money with me', problem solved. IME children are quite skilled at compromise and negotiation when left to their own devices. The fact that one child spent £90 and the other one may only have £10 won't matter to them, half is half and therefore a fair deal!

I think you should pay the $45 and make your son pay you back. He went after you told him not to.

Everyone has learned a lesson here.

The birthday child has learned a hard lesson. he knew he was not supposed to do what he did, and I would not mind betting he was enjoying having a mate to show off to, saying it was OK, that his mum knew, he was enjoying treating his friend. That said, I am staggered that they managed to spend that amount in the time, and I would certainly be demanding a breakdown of what they had eaten/done! Has the boy been done by someone not giving the right change? Have they lost some of the money but rather than admit that, foolishly said they spent it all ? Have they bumped into other friends and bought a whole round of ice creams? £90 is a heck of a lot!
I would feel responsible though and if satisfied that the money had been equally spent, would pay the money back. But DS would be in big trouble for lying and being so silly and would be doing extra chores and losing treats.
I think mine would have had a better grasp of value etc. at that age though. £2 a week DS (10) gets for pocket money and he saves and saves to buy second hand lego on ebay or whetever, pays for his own 'charity' days at school and no way would he waste £45 at a fair!! (I would normally say a £5 each to spend on what games/rides they like, plus chips OR an ice cream bought buy us!)

I'd be livid with my DS. I think I would offer to pay his half back but would take his own birthday money to cover it.

I think 'freeloading' is a bit strong, in his eyes his mate could've just been 'sharing.' They're only 8.

I'd say the only issue here is the disobedience on behalf of op son.

I'm with Slithy here. I would be cross with my son for going against my wishes here, however he wouldn't have been allowed out for so long in the first place, village or not.

However as far as the money was concerned , it belonged to the CHILD not the parents. They probably had the best day of their lives, until it was ruined by the parents. He will have learned a very valuable lesson and actually I think it was lovely of him to treat the OP's son. Aren't kids allowed to be naughty anymore, they weren't hurting anyone afterall.

OP I think your son should contribute his £20 and that is all.

Give her £45. They are equally responsible as are both set parents for allowing 8 years to do what they want with anything they want!

I think you need to unite with friend's mum in reading the riot act to both boys who have taken advantage of your trust to go to a fair you had said no to, lied about where they were going (to play with a friend doesn't mean going to the fair) and spent £90 they shouldn't have taken out of the house. Grounding and withdrawal of pocket money should cover it. And yes, maybe a contribution to friend's savings account. By cheque. As an advance on ds's pocket money.

Difficult to figure out if OP's DS knew he wasn't allowed to the fair.
"No we can't go to the fair DS. We went to one last week/month".
Friend comes along. Friend says:let's go play, we could go to park where we normally go, there's a fair on. DS says good idea, my mum said she doesn't want to go to this one as she went to the last one.

I don't think there's anything too odd about 8 year olds down at the park by themselves. Fairly common here.

Having £90 lying about the house is not unusual either. My 8 year would store birthday money up because "I don't trust banks" - difficult to disagree with that!

I think your DS's son should be punished by losing out on the money. Otherwise, as a PP said up thread, he sneaks of with the money, spends it all....and gets it handed back to him - there's nothing to deter him from doing it again.

I hope the OP comes back soon. I want more info because it's hard to know what to think without some more information.

Yeah totally depends where you live as to whether 8 year olds can go to the park. Ds definitely was as he was walking to and from school at 9.

Yeah totally depends where you live as to whether 8 year olds can go to the park

I completely agree. Mine were going to the park at that age, but I knew they were in the park. This morning the OP had no clue where her DS was which I think is really odd, tbh.