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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds friend spends his bday money on them and friends parents want money back

333 replies

brownpaperbag2 · 06/06/2015 13:12

This time of year there are lots of summer fares - one for the primary school, one for the secondary school, one for the village, one for the football club, one for the scout group, etc. as a family we spend a lot at the fares we go to, about £60 at each. For this reason I pick the fares we want to support, primary and secondary schools in the main.

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park and the friend took his £90 birthday money and between them they spent it in 3 hours. Friends mum wasn't aware her son had taken his birthday money or that the recreation ground had a fare on. They went on the bouncy castle that is like an obstacle course which was 50p a go, a bungee game, and had burgers, tattoos, drinks etc

She just called to ask me for £45!!!!!

Am I being unreasonable to say no?

OP posts:
Andylion · 07/06/2015 16:49

He has £20 from his grand pa, which they can have straight off,

How about a compromise that:

  1. recognizes your DS should not have gone to the fair when he was told they couldn't. (Although I think the DS, perhaps rightly, interpreted that as the OP saying that they, as a family, weren't going to the fair.)

but that

  1. reflects doubt that the whole £90 was spent or that half of it was spent on your DS
  2. recognizes that your DS's friends was the one who took his own money

Have you DS give half his £20.

Or maybe not. Hmm

BeCool · 07/06/2015 19:25

I do agree the boys probably had a dream come true afternoon & I hope they remember it when they are older. They must have worked hard to spend all£90 though.

Catsize · 08/06/2015 06:36

I think it is a nice way to spend it, and presumably for a good cause.
Much better than spending it on toys/computer games.
Well done to the friend, and it shows a lovely generous spirit.
I would be proud of my son.

Why not say to the mum that, as a thank you, you will take both boys out somewhere nice?

Catsize · 08/06/2015 06:46

And it is a bit odd that she is asking you to pay for her son's gift.
That would be a bad lesson to teach her son!

Weebirdie · 08/06/2015 08:43

I told my now grown up children about this thread and we've had quite a trip down memory lane remembering their adventures.

As for what they thought about the lads in this story? Well they laughed and said it sounded like a great day out.

I also asked my 8 year old grandson where he keeps his savings and and he told me if I need any of it its in a shoebox in his cupboard. Seemingly its the best place to keep it Smile

Marcipex · 08/06/2015 13:58

Awww, weebirdie, what a darling GS.

chickenfuckingpox · 08/06/2015 19:52

several years ago my four year old had over thirty pounds in her purse my mom wanted to take her Christmas present shopping i gave them ten pounds but she insisted in taking the lot Hmm i told my mom to take care of the money she lost it and refused to replace it no reason given just said accidents happen she gave a whole new meaning to the words brass neck

if i was this boys mom i would go mental at him but she has some responsibility too why was she leaving him in charge of all that money and not looking after it herself? ive literally only just given my daughter back control of her money and she has just turned 15 slightly excessive i know but she does fritter every penny on sweets and junk so this year im letting her if she wants to save for anything its up to her

i still dont think you should pay a penny

sashh · 08/06/2015 20:06

When does your son have his birthday? When he does then he should treat this other boy to something fun with his birthday money. If your ds only gets £10 then so be it.

youareallbonkers · 08/06/2015 23:30

Of course your son must pay back his friend. If you went out with a friend, didn't have money and your friend paid then you would pay it back. Well anyone decent would, from these answers some of you would be "free stuff, grab grab grab" Get him to go through what he spent, you'll probably have to prompt then add it up and he can pay it back. Not as punishment, but because it's the right thing to do. Then have a word with yourself for not offering the money as soon as you heard

MokunMokun · 08/06/2015 23:56

youarerealbonkers imagine if a friend invited you out for dinner and you declined saying you had no money but the friend insisted saying it was their treat. Then after dinner the friend asked you to pay half. How would you feel?

Not everyone has 45 pounds lying around.

Did the OP ever come back?

MokunMokun · 08/06/2015 23:57

Sorry youareallbonkers

CamelHump · 09/06/2015 06:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keeptothewhiteline · 09/06/2015 06:22

OP- perhaps you should have taken him yourself- how can an 8 yo gp to a fair without your permission?

You say that you can't afford to go to all the fairs you would like to- well spending £60 a pop I am not surprised.

It is possible to enjoy these events at a fraction of the cost.

muminhants1 · 09/06/2015 13:33

your son disobeyed you as you said he couldn't go

I don't read it like this. He wanted to go to the fayre/fair and mum said no we're not going as we go to lots of others.

But then he had the chance to go with his friend. It's not quite the same.

I don't really know what I'd do in this instance. But I don't believe they could have got through £90.

sadwidow28 · 09/06/2015 18:49

Today is the football fare and it is held in the local recreation ground. My ds doesn't play football, but he wanted to go. There is a bouncy castle and he is 8. I said no. He was called on by his friend who asked if he wanted to play and I said yes.

Unknown to me they went to the Park

--------------------

I assume that the local recreation ground and park are the same place.

You live in a small village, so children (aged 8 yrs) are allowed to play out alone without parental supervision and regular checks.

A travelling fair came to visit with children's rides and bouncy castles.

The 2 children, aged 8 yrs, managed to visit the fair (with £90 in their possession), played for over 3 hours and returned home unscathed.

Well, I think ALL the parents (not just the Mums) should thank their lucky stars that we are only discussing £90 birthday money on this thread!

Sarah Payne: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sarah_Payne

Children hurt on fairground rides: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sarah_Payne

Fairgrounds were/are a place for enticing young children, and paedophiles will follow the tour: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sidney_Cooke

sadwidow28 · 09/06/2015 18:51

Sorry - my 2nd link (children hurt in fairground) should be this link: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3096124/Two-children-aged-nine-ten-hurt-fairground-ride-sign-comes-loose-falls-them.html

AyMamita · 09/06/2015 18:52

sadwidow that is ridiculous. Paedophiles and death do not lurk around every corner.

Mangolimes · 09/06/2015 18:55

Mm, it's true that they are more likely to be found at playgrounds and fairs, though.

That said, nothing untoward happened - two boys having an adventure

Noneedtoworryatall · 09/06/2015 19:12

I would pay.

jokinnear · 09/06/2015 19:17

not paying it back would teach his friend a valuable lesson about the value of money, whilst also inadvertently teaching your own son an unpleasant lesson

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 09/06/2015 19:19

Oh piss off with the paedo nonsense. If you can't be reasonable then don't post.

sadwidow28 · 10/06/2015 12:16

I am being entirely reasonable. I certainly don't see paedos round every corner, but I am cautious and conscious about such acts when I mind children.

And don't tell me to 'piss off' - that sort of aggressive 'put down' is the sort of verbal response that child abuse victims couldn't respond to when they were being raped. Please don't patronise me, nor other CSA victims who have learned to speak up.

I wanted the OP to see that £90 wasn't really the most important issue. There are other issues potentially in play which are much, much more important IMO.

The OP and the other Mum need to speak to both of the boys and explain the rules about going to places from which they have been banned. Also, 'flashing the cash' could entice other anti-social behaviour (e.g. mugging).

olympicsrock · 10/06/2015 13:01

Where is the OP? I vote no more posts until they return...

19lottie82 · 10/06/2015 13:15

sadwidow, so children shouldn't be allowed to go to fairgrounds alone because they're ripe with paedophiles? You're coming across as hysterical.

I'm sorry if you suffered things you shouldn't have had to as a child, but you're being very over cautious here. Dragging up a case of a child molester who worked at a fair ground in the sixties isn't really proving a point I'm afraid.

Soduthen116 · 10/06/2015 13:17

Still think £90 at a village fete is utter bollocks. Someone's lying here. Bollocks.

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