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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 12/11/2015 12:23

He says he has sent his divorce off but won't show me because that's not how trust works

To be fair, he's right.

However, the very fact that he doesn't naturally share this with you is telling (understatement) and the fact that you are having to badger him on this means that your relationship is desperately broken.

I wouldn't require "proof" of similar because my husband has demonstrated himself to be trustworthy, honest and open. You do (and I understand why you do) and this means what?

You deserve better, you know that. A single question: what is stopping you?

DaggerEyes · 12/11/2015 12:39

Op. Do you think he's lying? I think he's lying. I think you do too, and maybe you like being lied to. At least he's making efforts to keep you about, right?? What next though, how long do you spend being kept at arms distance, lied to, hidden, second best??
I'd insist on seeing the divorce evidence, it's one of the things he's used to bait you into staying, this divorce, so why not see that he's as good as his word?

Kacie123 · 12/11/2015 15:40

Beginning to think this thread isn't for real ... Come on now. Not listening or replying whatsoever, why are you posting?

Fairenuff · 12/11/2015 16:29

I'm on his side OP. I can see how he doesn't want to be with you, you're annoying Grin

goodnightdarthvader1 · 12/11/2015 17:09

He says he says he says. This thread is ridiculous.

WatchingWaiting4 · 12/11/2015 18:47

Sorry I'm struggling that the last 2 years were not what I thought they were

OP posts:
lunar1 · 12/11/2015 19:03

Stop listening to his words and start paying attention to his actions before you a saying the last 3 years aren't what you thought.

Chippednailvarnish · 12/11/2015 19:11

Faire you just made me snort. Grin

NewLife4Me · 12/11/2015 19:17

Has he still not sent them off since June?
He is lying to you OP.

WatchingWaiting4 · 12/11/2015 19:21

He says he's sent them back to the online divorce company with the court fee.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 12/11/2015 19:26

Did he use flying pig couriers?

awaits the next single line installment, that completely ignores any advice

Littlegreyauditor · 12/11/2015 19:29

What got you to this stage OP? Your self esteem seems poor at best and you are willing to accept whatever crumbs he throws you, along with the bullshit about 'trust' and the mind games.

Don't you think you deserve better? Someone must have knocked the stuffing out of you entirely for you to be so compliant and accepting of this shitty treatment.

You are better than this. You deserve more. I really hope you can realise that and start to demand it. Cake

definitelybutter · 12/11/2015 19:34

He doesn't need to 'send anything off'. It's all done online. He just needs to pay - online.

WatchingWaiting4 · 12/11/2015 19:41

I get: It wasn't forced. I did want it. I want all of these things with you but because they haven't happened yet you'd rather tell yourself that it's all shit.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 12/11/2015 20:19

My dad walked out on my mum which devastated her, filed for divorce, then changed his mind and begged her to take him back. She told him to FRO. He dragged his heels on the divorce proceedings claiming lack of funds, so my mum paid his court costs (which I totally didn't agree with). She just wanted it over. OP your partner obviously doesn't feel the same way, in spite of his relationship with you. You deserve better.

ThisOldFool · 12/11/2015 23:03

WW4 - for God's sake stop this nonsense, dump this loser and recover the real WW4. Why you're torturing yourself in this way with this man is beyond me and most posters. Sure, there'll be some pain, but it'll pass. The current situation has been going on for 2+ years and will continue until he caves in and GOES BACK TO HIS WIFE! There's nothing but misery in this thread, no hope, no love, no future worth having. I'm out of here!

MistressDeeCee · 13/11/2015 05:48

How many posts are you going to create about this man?

Honestly he must be hewn from solid gold or there's a rumour going he's the last man on earth

I don't know how you have the energy tbh

PageStillNotFound404 · 13/11/2015 07:48

Watching, this is not a nice man.

He doesn't care about your feelings or priorities.

He denies your reality.

He makes excuses at every turn for not doing the things that are important to you.

He wants you to distance yourself from your mother. (FWIW, I think your mother has him sussed, he's recognised that and he doesn't like it.)

He turns his failings into your problems.

He may well be lying about the practical reasons for the delay.

He uses emotional blackmail ("if you loved me, you'd..." / "if you trust me, you'll...")

He has no intention of doing anything other than what he wants, meaning you're the one who has to compromise or give in.

He seems like a particularly unpleasant mix of apathy and control, and that's not a recipe for a healthy relationship. What would you say to your daughter if she described being in a situation like this with a man like that?

teddyroll · 13/11/2015 13:31

I've been in a relationship where I've focused on fantasy and ignored the reality. The only thing that changes is your self esteem gets worse and your ability to trust people when you escape is damaged.

You know he doesn't love you. Leave him.

Good luck

WatchingWaiting4 · 15/11/2015 09:51

So, I'm currently waiting to for him to show me the online divorce tracker. He says I should trust him and he will show me the petition when it comes through which should be very soon. If I wait until the petition comes through it will show I trust him even if only for a couple of weeks...

OP posts:
WatchingWaiting4 · 15/11/2015 09:51

Obviously I said no and that I want to see it now!

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 15/11/2015 09:59

who cares about the tracker - that is irrelevant

even if he is divorcing, your relationship is still shite. Stop focussing on the bloody divorce and start seeing how crap he treats you overall. Or are you going to ignore that, just like you have studiously ignored all the excellent advice on this thread.

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2015 10:19
Fairenuff · 15/11/2015 11:01

Obviously I said no and that I want to see it now!

And obviously he ignored you as usual.

Then what happened? Do tell. I'm so interested to hear the next sentence about him, I can barely wait.

Enjolrass · 15/11/2015 11:02

So you have seen it then?

You said you wanted to see it it now and he.....???

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