Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
AlwaysHope1 · 11/11/2015 17:31

What happened?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 17:37

The plan was to take them to do some paining then to McDonalds or similar. We finished the painting at 4.35. I suggested making our way to get something to eat and he said his son doesn't eat until 5.30 so couldn't eat yet. So we fart arsed around but by this time it 5.50 and he said his son could have a snack and I was like WTF would 1/2 hour really make that much of a difference

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 17:44

Sorry 4.50. He also made some excuse that we couldn't go back to his mums because of the dog. Dog could have been put in the utility, dining room etc.

OP posts:
Zucker · 11/11/2015 17:46

Oh imagine how much fun this extra pressure on your relationship will be now op. Disagreeing about how he raises his child.

Think hard and have a good read of the step parent board on here OP now that meeting children has been added to the already effed up relationship.

Did you feel supported by him when you suggested you all go for food?

MaidOfStars · 11/11/2015 17:49

Watching While you're here, can I ask you if you feel like you're lucky to have him, that you couldn't do better?

redshoeblueshoe · 11/11/2015 18:03

Also - you think you are in a relationship - he does not.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 18:10

I feel like I deserve better

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2015 18:13

Go get something better then. Stop throwing good time after bad.

Jux · 11/11/2015 18:18

Oh dear. That sounds bad Flowers

Jux · 11/11/2015 18:19

You do deserve better. Go find it.

wannabestressfree · 11/11/2015 18:36

Please say the penny has dropped now......

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 19:23

I've asked to see evidence of his online divorce case tracker.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 19:36

He says I need to trust him. That if I don't trust him the kids meeting today means nothing.

OP posts:
TheWernethWife · 11/11/2015 19:40

FFS - that's all I can say

Costacoffeeplease · 11/11/2015 20:20

Give it up, it shouldn't be this much hard work

DaggerEyes · 11/11/2015 20:43

When he says 'trust' him, he means 'believe my lies'.

ilovesooty · 11/11/2015 21:51

I think this situation will still be going on in another two years' time.

I'm astounded that anyone can keep up this level of delusion.

starlight2007 · 11/11/2015 22:27

I think you know it is all crap...You never really defend him...

You are not deluded..You know he hasn't filed for divorce..You know he doesn't love you the way you love him.

You know he doesn't really want to know your kids ( I have to agree with him about one thing as he doesn't see a future together keep the kids out of it)

Give yourself a chance to find someone who can make yourself happy but first I think you need to work on yourself ..To give yourself a little pride..

I do wonder why you are posting here? What are you hoping to get out of it..As I see no change in how you present yourself and think in months and months

Nanny0gg · 11/11/2015 22:44

I wish you'd answer the posts...

tableanadchairs · 11/11/2015 22:55

Take off the rose tinted glasses OP and read all the good advice you have been given.
You are a dirty little secret as far as his family is concerned and he is no near divorcing as l am to walking on Mars.
Come on love ditch the dead weight and get your self a new life. Honestly you are wasting your time with this one

Jux · 11/11/2015 23:07

He's been doing everything he can to avoid making a family with you. He probably likes you well enough, and I expect he likes having someone about who will see to his needs, but he'd still rather live with his mum....
When you move into your new house, don't give him the address. Don't waste any more of your time or your dd's time. She deserves better and you should concentrate on making sure she gets it.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 11/11/2015 23:15

Has he given you a time estimate of how long he expects you to hang around until he feels ready for a proper, grown up relationship?

CalonDu · 11/11/2015 23:40

Well, watching, at least you're consistent. You're not hearing anything anyone here is saying to you, but then you're not hearing anything your 'DP' is saying to you either.

You say you couldn't go back to his mum's 'because of the dog'. Do you honestly believe that? Isn't it more likely that you couldn't go back to his mum's because he's sworn to her you're not together anymore? Or because his ex was there, and he hadn't told her about the kids meeting? Or because he's scared his mum will feel sorry for you and tell you that he's not actually ever going to get divorced because he doesn't want to?

There are so many potential partners out there who will want you, and want to build a life with you. Why are you so determined not to free yourself to meet them?

TowerRavenSeven · 11/11/2015 23:54

When you finally break up with him, you'll realize how easy it will be without him. He's not giving much of himself to you now, so that much easier it will be. It's harder feeling alone with someone than lonely without anyone. I feel bad about the time you are wasting. If you want to have a family with him some day, you're going to have to wait: for the divorce, if indeed there is one in the works; for him to properly court you; let alone get him used to the idea of another marriage (if that is what you want), let alone an engagement, a wedding...and IF that ever happens, having him start thinking about having another child - you are talking years and years. And Years.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 12/11/2015 12:12

He says he has sent his divorce off but won't show me because that's not how trust works. He says if he shows me proof of this I'll want proof for everything.

OP posts: