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Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 10/11/2015 13:52

Watching, what do YOU think is happening here?

You are worth more this.

Love isn't all Hollywood and surprise trips to Paris, but it also isn't this.

You mentioned low self-esteem. Do you not feel like you can do better?

You can. Even without meeting him or knowing him, I know you can do better. You are not lucky to have him. He's not worth having.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 10/11/2015 16:55

What do these love quotes suggest posted on his ex's Pinterest in May...
m.lovethispic.com/image/66618/a-true-relationship...

And lots of over love quote shite

OP posts:
Weathergames · 10/11/2015 16:58

Maybe he's not good at "endings".

Maybe you are applying way too much pressure.

I didn't file for divorce until 5 years later. It was my choice to end the marriage but so still found it difficult and emotional and we were both with new partners.

MaidOfStars · 10/11/2015 17:00

Watching Are you taking in any of the posts here?

wannabestressfree · 10/11/2015 21:58

No she Isn't nor will she.....her boyfriend could ban her from meeting his child whilst driving over her in a 'I am never divorcing' wagon and she would still be full of hand wringing what does it all mean angst.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 14:12

So, we're meeting this afternoon. I'm not going to be introduced as anything as such as he says 5 year olds don't understand relationship dynamics. We aren't to show any affection between us.

OP posts:
definitelybutter · 11/11/2015 14:24

Sending massive hugs.

To be honest, this is so bad for you and I suspect you know it. No-one can make it right. He just doesn't love you enough.

What are you doing this evening? Please look for a comedy, some good reading, some exercise, some relaxation - something for you that makes you feel better.

FatalFemme · 11/11/2015 14:47

I'm sorry but to me, this sounds like his kids have no idea mummy and daddy aren't together any more.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/11/2015 14:51

This thread is just getting sad. OP keeps finding more and more excuses to let him do whatever he wants. "5 year olds don't understand relationship dynamics"??? I'd kick him to the kerb for that twattish nonsense alone.

AlwaysHope1 · 11/11/2015 14:53

You really are a fool. It's entirely on his terms. You've desperately begged him to send his divorce papers off, and to meet his kids after all these years. Both of these would be done a long time ago if someone wanted to be Witb you as much as you want to be with him. It's entirely on his terms and you refuse to see that. Well you have made the choice.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 15:01

He says he's being cautious and sees things differently to me. He says I see us as a family unit which essentially I do down the line but he says he doesn't see that.

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 15:01

Basically he says he loves me and that should be enough and if I love him enough I would give him more time.

OP posts:
AlwaysHope1 · 11/11/2015 15:07

So why are you accepting what only he wants? What about you?

definitelybutter · 11/11/2015 15:09

What I am telling my kids is that if someones says to them, 'if you really loved me you would...' then walk away, or better still, run. It is the cruellest form of manipulation.

What he is saying to you is that if you loved him you would shut up and expect less.

And, you know, it is okay to dump him even if he does say he loves you. He could be madly, passionately, desperately besotted to you but the effect he is having on you is the equivalent of repeatedly hitting yourself in the face with a lump hammer. Sometimes things don't work. Maybe in another lifetime.

Still sending hugs.

Enjolrass · 11/11/2015 15:11

Ah the old 'if you loved me enough you would let me have my own way line'

What about you? Where is he compromising because he loves you so much?

redshoeblueshoe · 11/11/2015 15:12

I'm going to be VERY blunt.

Take your fingers out of your ears

Stop singing LA LA LA

He see's it very differently to you

To you He is perfect but a bit confused

To him you are a bit on the side until he can convince his wife to take him back.

Get yourself some friends. Get your mum to babysit. Join a gym, a group, anything. Get your own life.

GoblinLittleOwl · 11/11/2015 15:20

I veer between sympathy for your hopeless situation and disbelief that ANYONE CAN BE SO STUPID.
(Unkind, but nothing seems to penetrate.)

'Basically he says he loves me and that should be enough'.

WHY?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 11/11/2015 15:37

OP, all you keep saying is he says, he says. He says a lot of bollocks, love.

TheWernethWife · 11/11/2015 15:42

Don't want to be flamed for this but if I was your mother I'd knock some bloody sense into you. I have daughters and would hate for any of them to be treated this way but mine don't stand for any messing about so no worries there.

DaggerEyes · 11/11/2015 15:45

I love my bin men more than this man loves you.

MaidOfStars · 11/11/2015 16:09

Watching

I love you.

See, easy to say. I said that, and it means nothing to me. It's not even true.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 11/11/2015 16:13

Sorry, but he doesn't love you. At least not enough. You've been together for 2 years. You should already be a family unit. He has told you to your face that you will NEVER be a family unit. So, what will you be? Forever the girl on the sidelines? Why does he care about upsetting his Ex?

My kids met my DH 3 months after we met. We said we were friends at that point. A few months later, once they knew and liked him, we said that we were going to be a couple. 8 months in to the relationship he moved in. I was still married to ExH at that point, which DH didn't mind, but he did make it clear that he wanted us to marry and that he wouldn't propose until I was divorced. That gave me the kick up the bum to divorce ExH. On the day my divorce was finalised, DH proposed and a week later I had a sparkly on my finger.

You are pulling in opposite directions. You want commitment, a family unit and all the trimmings. He wants you on the side. I think you either accept that, or move on. He doesn't look like he's going to change any time soon. I would be really angry in your shoes. And bored. I think I'd just give up and look for someone new, who can't get enough of me. He's stopping you from meeting The One.

CalonDu · 11/11/2015 16:20

This is giving a terrible message about relationships to your own children, you know. You say you've got low self esteem - what do you think it's teaching them about their own self worth, if they can see you settling for such a disrespectful farce? Giving ultimatums that you let slide, then giving more, breaking your own heart constantly?

Please, walk away from this. THE SITUATION IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2015 16:26

He says I see us as a family unit which essentially I do down the line but he says he doesn't see that. He is telling you what he believes. Why aren't you listening?

Oh, and my 4 yo understands 'dating' and 'boyfriend' perfectly well.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 11/11/2015 17:30

Well that went well...

OP posts:
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