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Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 04/11/2015 12:23

He says he does want the kids to meet etc but isn't ready. Different people move at different speeds.

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AuntieStella · 04/11/2015 12:30

WW4: you are seeing a fake future.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?s=Future+fakers

goodnightdarthvader1 · 04/11/2015 12:35

FGS. You wanted other people's opinions, you've got it, now you're delaying. 2 years is long enough.

Everyone seems to agree he's messing you around. He's agreed to what you want but is now sulking about it instead of realising that you are right, that 2 years is plenty of time to come round to this if he was serious about you. RUN.

TempusEedjit · 04/11/2015 12:51

I don't get the bit about you not meeting his friends because they're still friendly with his exW - if they felt that conflicted then they wouldn't still be friends with him, only with her.

Yes we all progress at different speeds but if he's not ready to move things on from what's usually part of the early dating stage after TWO YEARS then he's not ready to be in a relationship full stop.

You're being used but you don't want to hear it.

starlight2007 · 04/11/2015 15:00

If in 2 years he is not ready to meet your kids, mmove forward..He never will be... If you are content that your relationship will stay at this level forever..Continue on your merry way..

I am going to be blunt because you don't hear it any other way..You come across as desperate and needy...He comes across as very happy in his own world as it is and no desire to change it ever... He says he wants to meet the kids at some point to get you off his back.. less of an argument than I never want to meet your kids ever.

I wish you luck but I am sure you will be back in 6 months in the same situation

PegsPigs · 04/11/2015 15:09

He's just not that into you Sad

19lottie82 · 04/11/2015 15:09

OP I understand you fee you know him better than people giving you advice to ditch him, as they don't see the other side of him, blah blah....

However, my advice would be to take a step back. If he doesn't come running, then, well I think you know what to do.

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who would walk over hot coals for you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/11/2015 15:14

However, my advice would be to take a step back. If he doesn't come running, then, well I think you know what to do. Totally. And not in a game-playing way. Just to preserve your peace of mind and integrity of self. Take some time for you. Get back to some hobbies, friends and space of your own. See how you feel. She how he feels.

goddessofsmallthings · 04/11/2015 15:29

He says I should wait until he is ready. That holding our relationship to ransom isn't what you do to someone you love

You're the one being held to ransom by a man who either isn't to you as much as you'd like to believe/he tells you, or is unable to compromise which may be why he's no longer with his dw.

I'm astounded that you're continuing to demean yourself by hanging on for grim death when you're little more than a booty call to him. Get yourself a healthy dose of self-respect by telling this knobber to take a hike and come back after he's cut the legal ties to his dw and is prepared for you to meet his dc - by which time hell will have frozen over you'll be happily coupled up with a man who wants to be with you in every sense of the word.

Stormtreader · 05/11/2015 11:35

If two years isnt long enough, then how long is enough? 5 years? 10?
The sad thing is that meeting his kids shouldn't be the difficult bit in all of this.
There is no way a divorce will ever happen if he isnt even committed enough to you to sort out an easy "lets all go to the park/pub!" couple of hours. It just won't ever happen.

2rebecca · 05/11/2015 13:06

Agree with others that pushing and nagging him is pointless. Either accept he is moving very slowly with divorce and introducing you in to his life and that is probably partly his personality and partly him not being sure about your relationship or leave and find someone fully unattached.
Him not wanting you to meet his kids after 2 years is giving you a strong message about your importance to him.

GoblinLittleOwl · 05/11/2015 14:51

WatchingWaiting4, so aptly named.
Rather like the spider catching the fly.
Not worth all the angst.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/11/2015 15:12

You drew a line in the sand

If the meeting of the DC didn't happen then that was it

Well it hasn't happened has it!

So what are you going to do? Draw another line in the sand and wait until he fails again, and again, and again...

He doesn't want the same things you do out of this relationship. Are you prepared to hang on accepting a few crumbs or are you going to start valuing yourself.

This relationship is not as important to him as it is to you.
You are not as important to him as he is to you.

Leave, before what little self-esteem you do have is destroyed completely.

magoria · 06/11/2015 23:10

What happened to if it doesn't happen you have to walk away?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 10/11/2015 10:45

We are taking the kids out together tomorrow.

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Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 10/11/2015 10:46

I was at a family event with him on Saturday and saw his son then amongst other family members.

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Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 10/11/2015 11:16

His brothers girlfriend told me whilst drunk that she likes me but can't really be friends with me as she wants to be loyal to his ex!
This explains why she snubbed me at a wedding a year ago and didn't accept my Facebook request! She also let slip that his ex wanted to get back with him at first.

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GoblinLittleOwl · 10/11/2015 11:36

This is so sad.

Costacoffeeplease · 10/11/2015 11:39

So everything's ok now, is it?

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 10/11/2015 11:54

Not really no. When we first got together the 1st Christmas he went a bit weird which I'm assuming is due to his ex and again last Christmas he went a bit weird which again I'm wondering if it has anything to do with his ex.

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Kacie123 · 10/11/2015 12:09

Jesus. Why are you with this guy? What are his redeeming features?

Kacie123 · 10/11/2015 12:10

He has to be pretty amazing to make up for effectively using you when you're convenient and sounding like he's still into his ex.

DaggerEyes · 10/11/2015 12:10

Ive known men who couldn't bear to be single, I think your dp wants you to be his day to day girlfriend, but his wife will always hold top spot. As things stand, he is available to go back to her in a moments notice....divorce, kids meeting, living together (the things he resists) are roadblocks to his way back, and he won't set them up.

Enjolrass · 10/11/2015 12:13

So you didn't walk away?

This is like watching a car crash

OTheHugeManatee · 10/11/2015 13:19

Even if this guy has a 12in tongue and can breathe through his ears I think you're being taken for a fool, OP.