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Original poster

His divorce

499 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 05/06/2015 23:01

Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to accept my offer to lend him £400 to get his divorce papers sent off?

OP posts:
Stampynono · 01/11/2015 14:26

I am dragging my heels over getting a divorce because I hate the idea of being a divorcee, don't want to drag up the old feelings and I get on fine with my exh and we co parent really well and I don't want to bring up the old hurt of our relationship ending.

I have a new partner and no desire to get back with exh.

starlight2007 · 01/11/2015 16:35

You are been treated like a mistress, only without false promises....You are given what he gives you..

I think the fact you haven't met his friends his children in 2 years tells you everything you need to know..

ThisOldFool · 03/11/2015 22:37

Dear WW4. This guy is playing with you, keeping you on a string for a quicky in a warm bed. If you're content with that, OK. My advice FWIW, is to cut your (emotional) losses and find someone who really cares for you. Here's a bunch Flowers.

Fairenuff · 03/11/2015 22:46

Do you think there is possibility that he wants to get back together with her?

I think there is a possibility that he is back with her which would explain why he doesn't want to get divorced and why he is keeping you a secret from his friends and family.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 04/11/2015 07:05

He has sent his divorce papers off and his family know about it.

Today is the day we are due to get the kids to meet up but obviously he doesn't seem too enthusiastic about it as he says I've forced him into a situation he's not ready for. He says different people are ready at different times in relationships and I should respect that. He says it's a massive thing for him. I just can't get over him not being ready after 2 years. It makes me resentful and I feel like crap. Do I go ahead with tonight or night?

OP posts:
Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 07:10

Wtf?

OP why are you still with him and still forcing this.

He has told you, you are forcing him. He has told you, that he doesn't want you to meet his children.

Why are you pressing this?

Kacie123 · 04/11/2015 07:28

No of course you shouldn't, but you know that anyway.

Costacoffeeplease · 04/11/2015 07:28

Why? Just why?

He doesn't want to do this, what's the point of forcing him? How well do you think it's going to go with him sulking and dragging his feet? Surely the kids will pick up on his reluctance? This has disaster written all over it

Chippednailvarnish · 04/11/2015 07:36

I'm not sure why you are posting?
You're not listening to anything anyone is telling you.

Ponytailandquiff · 04/11/2015 07:38

That's really not fair. If he's told you he's not ready, you have to accept it.

Having said that, I do think he has been messing you around. You say he has sent the divorce papers off. How do you know and who paid for it in the end?

Ponytailandquiff · 04/11/2015 07:40

In a way, I would be more concerned that you haven't met any of his friends after two years. Presumably when he mixes with them, you're not invited.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 04/11/2015 09:07

He's told me he's sent then off and paid for it, I have to take his word for it.

OP posts:
Stormtreader · 04/11/2015 09:15

"He has sent his divorce papers off and his family know about it."

"Hey son, remember that time you and your wife had that silly row, and you even sent off for divorce papers? "
"Oh yes, that was years ago! No, me and wife are all fine thanks Mum."

Ponytailandquiff · 04/11/2015 09:22

Doesn't sound like you trust his word op (I wouldn't.)

Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 09:29

He's told me he's sent then off and paid for it, I have to take his word for it.

no you don't

definitelybutter · 04/11/2015 09:33

He doesn't want you to meet his kids - get over it.

He doesn't like you enough for you to meet his kids - get over it.

He doesn't care enough about you for you to meet his kids - get over it.

I don't envy the kids in this - desperate woman and sulking man with kids in the middle wondering what they're going to tell the man's wife.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 04/11/2015 09:53

I think he's still with his wife. You are the OW.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 04/11/2015 09:57

I'm invited to a family event this weekend so I know he's not with his wife.

OP posts:
definitelybutter · 04/11/2015 10:01

WW4 - I'm sending hugs, I'm sending good vibes, I wish you all the best - I really do. But I cannot say anything except that he really doesn't care about you that much.

Having to force him to let you meet his children should have been the deal breaker. He will now use the reluctant, forced meeting to try and get you to shut up about the rest of what you would call your relationship.

I suggest that you start working on the other areas of your life. Make some friends, go out, get some new interests, even just get into a different tv show. Take the focus away from him and just look around at the rest of the world. Have fun.

definitelybutter · 04/11/2015 10:02

Being invited to family things on a regular basis and being good friends with his family is still no guarantee that they would tell you the truth.

Sending more hugs.

CheesyNachos · 04/11/2015 10:15

Oh OP...... listen to him. He is telling you he is not ready. He is telling you that you have pushed him beyond what he is comfortable with. He is telling you that he is starting to resent you for this...... now he does not want the kids to meet because you have forced him and he is angry. LISTEN TO WHAT HE IS SAYING.

He does not think of you as 'the one'. He is not ready for a committment. He is not comfortable with that.

For pity's sake..... stop pushing. Give him room to breathe. If you want commitment he is not the man to give it to you. Get your head out of the sand.Please. You are going to destroy yourself.... your self esteem, your peace of mind. Stop doing this to you AND to him.

lunar1 · 04/11/2015 10:21

Last week you said you were going to leave him if this meet up with the children didn't happen today.

GoblinLittleOwl · 04/11/2015 11:45

He seems a very weak character, to allow himself to be bullied into doing something he says he doesn't want, yet not cutting the connection, either with you or his wife.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 04/11/2015 12:05

It's not going ahead as it can't if it's forced.

He says I should wait until he is ready. That holding our relationship to ransom isn't what you do to someone you love.

I feel like my perception is clouded and I don't know if I'm wrong

OP posts:
CheesyNachos · 04/11/2015 12:10

You are wrong Watching. Seriously- he cannot make it any clearer...listen to him.

Listen to him.

Listen to him.

You need someone who is at the same stage of readiness as you.

He. Is. Not. It.