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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my OH his car was stolen?

156 replies

Yulia989 · 05/06/2015 10:42

We went away on holiday last week and took my car as it’s bigger than OH’s sports car.

We returned late Saturday night and after we’d unloaded the kids and cases I went to park my car at the end of the street. OH had left his car there for the week thinking it was safer at the end of the cul de sac rather than outside the house.

When I got to the end I noticed that his car had gone. I knew he’d left it there and nobody else had access to it so it was either towed (not likely) or stolen.

Now I’d just driven for 3 hours (OH slept) after a 3 hour flight with kids, and really didn’t want to go through the hassle of waiting for the police to visit when we could just do it in the morning after a nights sleep. I know that OH would have done it immediately though but then he wasn’t as tired as me!

So I said nothing and we went to bed. In the morning he went to the car and obviously it wasn’t there, went through the process of calling the police and it still hasn’t turned up. I feel a bit guilty about lying to him, but did it really matter in the end?

OP posts:
DoughDoe · 05/06/2015 12:42

" You prioritised family sleep and peace over a material possession. I get it."

That makes no sense, the possession costs thousands of pounds, you can't just go to bed and ignore it. Sometimes shit happens and you have to face up to it.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 05/06/2015 12:42

Fucking hell, YABVU! Shock

Firstly, as soon as the car is reported stolen, it would have gone on to the database of cars that the police's numberplate recognition will pick up. You have deliberately delayed that process.

Secondly, you didn't bother to tell your DH that his most prized possession had been stolen. And then you lied about it. Hmm

He's not a child from whom you can blithely withhold important information. He's an adult and your partner. If you don't think he could have dealt with it himself, you are either infantilising him to an unhealthy degree, or you need to look at why you are with someone who would be incapable of making a phonecall and filling out a form.

You could have told him and then gone to bed to leave him to ring the police. I doubt they would have come round until this morning anyway, but they could have registered the car as stolen.

NerrSnerr · 05/06/2015 12:44

I'm just struggling to get over the fact you were driving your family while you were so tired. It is beyond dangerous.

Lavenderice · 05/06/2015 12:47

I'm just struggling with this entire thread!

ClearEyesFullHearts · 05/06/2015 12:48

I'm just...Shock

however · 05/06/2015 12:55

Come clean on 10 years.

however · 05/06/2015 12:56

IN 10 years.

pluCaChange · 05/06/2015 13:00

Oh, dear, what a pasting! Sad

This situation probably can't be resolved by honesty, but going forward you can start trying to make your OH take more responsibility - which might see you stop driving and taking a nap while he wakes up and feeds the baby (if bottle-fed) - so he can resolve a situation like this without you, and so you aren't tempted to take this sort of way out again.

Minus2seventy3 · 05/06/2015 13:01

Ffs... "it's only a car" followed a few posts later by "it's a classic sports car".
It's no doubt his pride and joy, yet you delayed telling him for a night!?
If he were as dismissive as this over something important to you, no amount of "it's only a [insert inanimate object that most don't give two hoots about but you do here]..." would placate.
YABVU.

Psipssina · 05/06/2015 13:02

Yabu but I think you know that.

Your behaviour is pretty shocking.

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 05/06/2015 13:03

Me too nerr. It sounds like you endangered your family and other road users.

I know it is inconvenient when you want to get home but much better to stop, feed the baby and refresh a bit (or wake dh) before continuing

It could have been stolen an hour after you left or an hour before you got back so you don't know if the time made a difference

WayneRooneysHair · 05/06/2015 13:03

I'm bemused that one poster suggested telling a classic car enthusiast to buy a Ford Focus.

That'll go down like a lead balloon.

TTWK · 05/06/2015 13:06

OrangesLemons-I am going to be the lone voice here and back you up. I know exactly what you mean about how you'd have had to take the lead and get it sorted. Another night won't have made a difference. Sometimes you literally do not have the energy reserves to deal with things like this and need to sleep. YANBU

If a loved one of your is ever seriously injured or worse in a collision with a stolen car, and you find out it hadn't been reported because the person who discovered it stolen was "too tired", I hope you'll be as sympathetic to them as you are to the OP.

BolshierAyraStark · 05/06/2015 13:12

Oh dear, if you were my partner & did this I would be seriously unimpressed.
YABVU, your behaviour is selfish & totally shit.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 05/06/2015 13:14

Yes, YABVU

OhMrGove · 05/06/2015 13:17

I don't really see the problem. Would've done exactly the same.

HoldYerWhist · 05/06/2015 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Artesia · 05/06/2015 13:24

Totally agree with the majority, YWBVU. And also a bit pathetic with the whole "I was too tired". You'd done a short flight after a holiday, not scaled the north face of the Eiger or swum the channel.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 05/06/2015 13:27

I think a few posters are being a bit naive about the efforts the police will go to, to find a stolen car.

Yes, the best course of action would have been to report it that evening, but it is very unlikely they would have sent someone out straight away, if at all. Chances are the report would have been made solely by telephone, or the OP/her DH asked to go to a police station at their convenience.

The details would be added to the ANPR register, so patrolling coppers would get a 'ping' if spotted, but I hardly think the OPs local police are going to be out on high alert trying to find the car, particularly as it is not known when it was stolen.

Hence the OP does not need to feel guilty that she has unwittingly put her fellow citizens at risk from people charging about in her DH's car.

Wagglebee · 05/06/2015 13:28

Yabu but you know that really.

One thing though, how did he not notice it was gone the night you arrived home? I know he slept all the way back but I assume he wasn't carried in and up to bed like a toddler.

Also, he should've done half the driving if you were so tired.

Wagglebee · 05/06/2015 13:31

Ah re-read sorry. You parked the car near where his should've been, by yourself.

Yadefinitelybu but I still don't get why you were having to do everything. The driving, parking up, the police call, the paperwork.

LurkingHusband · 05/06/2015 13:35

Hence the OP does not need to feel guilty that she has unwittingly put her fellow citizens at risk from people charging about in her DH's car.

True ... to a degree. Let's hope that when the theft is reported, the police haven't got a situation where the time the theft was noticed plays a crucial role. Can't speak to specifics, but I know when I had my sat-nav stolen, the time I noticed it missing became a key issue in the police being able to discredit the alibi of the thief (which they did, and he plead guilty).

However, the OP has rightly been ripped a new one for driving - in their own words - falling asleep at the wheel. Luckily there were no railway embankments about Sad.

TTWK · 05/06/2015 13:35

Hence the OP does not need to feel guilty that she has unwittingly put her fellow citizens at risk from people charging about in her DH's car.

Yes she does. She increased the risk to her fellow citizens. Whether it was a high risk or a low risk, her actions increased the risk as she delayed the matter for probably 8 hours. Because she couldn't be bothered to do the obviously right thing.

It's a bit pathetic really.

TeacupDrama · 05/06/2015 13:38

YABU
if you were too tired to drive you should not have driven whatever tired drivers kill 10 times more people than drunk drivers
falling asleep at the wheel is a very very serious offence uo there with drink driving being on drugs behind a wheel etc,

no-one would be comforted about a loved one killed that you are a tired mum not a drunk

also although a material possession it cost the family money it will ut insurance up and represents hours and hours of work obviously it is not as important as a person to to prioritise losing 30 mins worth of sleep over the car is way out of order I would be furious with you and DH would be furious with me if I did that to him

I just don't think you like DH very much

LemonySmithit · 05/06/2015 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.