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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell my OH his car was stolen?

156 replies

Yulia989 · 05/06/2015 10:42

We went away on holiday last week and took my car as it’s bigger than OH’s sports car.

We returned late Saturday night and after we’d unloaded the kids and cases I went to park my car at the end of the street. OH had left his car there for the week thinking it was safer at the end of the cul de sac rather than outside the house.

When I got to the end I noticed that his car had gone. I knew he’d left it there and nobody else had access to it so it was either towed (not likely) or stolen.

Now I’d just driven for 3 hours (OH slept) after a 3 hour flight with kids, and really didn’t want to go through the hassle of waiting for the police to visit when we could just do it in the morning after a nights sleep. I know that OH would have done it immediately though but then he wasn’t as tired as me!

So I said nothing and we went to bed. In the morning he went to the car and obviously it wasn’t there, went through the process of calling the police and it still hasn’t turned up. I feel a bit guilty about lying to him, but did it really matter in the end?

OP posts:
OurGlass · 05/06/2015 12:14

If this is true and you've lied to your husband and the police, be prepared for it to come back to haunt you. Because it will.

NerrSnerr · 05/06/2015 12:15

You know it's a criminal offence to lie to the police right?

Legionofboom · 05/06/2015 12:15

Easy to say, but difficult in practice when your OH is already asleep and the baby is due a feed soon. Just wanted to get home.

So you would accept that as an excuse if someone had fallen asleep at the wheel and smashed into your car and wiped out your family? Because I certainly would not.

There is NO excuse for not being in control of a car that you are driving.

PoppyBlossom · 05/06/2015 12:17

I think you've shown a serious lack of judgement here op, in more cases than one.

You really should have stopped if you were struggling so badly to drive, it's honestly a really shitty dangerous thing to do.

You obviously have a la,cm of care for your husbands feelings, which is pretty concerning don't you think?

You dint need me to tell you how wrong it is to lie to the police either.

RiverTam · 05/06/2015 12:17

Can't believe you lied to the police Shock! And I can't believe you didn't wake your OH to get him to drive if you were that tired.
YWVU. I hope for your sake that this doesn't come back to bite you in the arse.
You lied to the police!!!!!

PoppyBlossom · 05/06/2015 12:17

*obviously have a lack of care for your husband.

iwanttogotothechaletschool · 05/06/2015 12:18

The problem is now you have to keep lying; you have to lie to the police, your husband , the insurance company and any one else who asks if you saw the car. This is the sort of thing that comes out eventually.

whatever22 · 05/06/2015 12:20

I'm kind of surprised at the responses here. One night is extremely unlikely to have made a difference.

I think in her dp's position I'd rather have had a nice sleep after my holiday than have to deal with it immediately.

Something being stolen isn't an emergency, and she could easily have not noticed the car was missing, so it's a white lie that does no harm, and means they all got to sleep.

I would agree that having not mentioned it you should stick to it.

ninaaa · 05/06/2015 12:22

YABU, as you are both lying to OH, so breaking his trust, and the police, so you are breaking the law.

But in reality, it probably got stolen days before, and letting the police know the night before would make to actual difference to the enquiry.

PoppyBlossom · 05/06/2015 12:25

I think too this will show diverging opinions. To some people a car is a hunk of metal that transports you to places, and as he didn't need to go anywhere that night it wasn't a big deal. To other people a car will be their most valuable and cherished possession, and they'd feel invaded/violated that someone had stolen such an item of theirs.

It doesn't really matter where your opinion lands on the item, the issue is you took away your husbands right to know about it and are continuing to lie about it.

Bloodymidges · 05/06/2015 12:27

YABU - and you know it really.

It could have been stolen 10 minutes before you saw it missing
It could have been involved in an accident in the 8 hours between you noticing it and reporting it.

You've lied to your husband
You've lied to the Police

You had better hope there is no CCTV in that road showing you noticing the car missing

Look - I know how shit tiredness is. And by the sounds of it your DH sounds like a dick if he can't handle dealing with the Police on his own after sleeping in the car while you drove - suspect there is a much deeper back story there, for which you have my sympathies.

But you still should have dealt with it there and then.

OrangesLemons · 05/06/2015 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangesLemons · 05/06/2015 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 05/06/2015 12:32

how about - you go to bed and let him decide to call the police there and then himself!

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 05/06/2015 12:32

Totally understand.

You and family are tired. Just back from holiday. Why end it with stress?

It's a material possession, with almost zero chance of getting it back. You prioritised family sleep and peace over a material possession. I get it.

On the other hand, I don't think I would have had the presence of mind to refrain from running to DH shouting... The car has been stolen, the car has been stolen!!!!!!

JakeBallardswife · 05/06/2015 12:33

Its done, not the thing to be stressed about. If he was worried about his car then he'd have gone and looked for it that evening to check all was ok ( as my dh does with his car). Next car suggest he buys a Ford Focus, very common and much less thief friendly!!

Lavenderice · 05/06/2015 12:33

I'm going to be completely honest with you here. If my DP did this I'd leave him. The fact that you lied to him to make life easier for you shows massive disrespect and selfishness. The fact that you then continued to lie to him, the police and the insurance is just astounding.

Sparklingbrook · 05/06/2015 12:33

Call me old fashioned but personally I would have been on the phone to the police straight away to report a stolen vehicle and asked if they could come round in the morning, then I would have gone to bed.

Nicknacky · 05/06/2015 12:37

All you had to do was tell him and let him make the decision. Then call the police, give them the details and ask them to come in the morning, which to be honest, will probably suit them better!

They can still circulate it as stolen and update PNC in the meantime.

Original poster
Yulia989 · 05/06/2015 12:37

Again sorry but people are making the assumption that I was in a rational state of mind. Of course if I was in that situation tonight or any other night I would ring the police immediately or report it to my OH.

I do feel bad about lying to him but I don't know if telling him now would only make him feel worse. :(

OP posts:
pigsinmud · 05/06/2015 12:39

I really can't see the big deal, but would have been like Enjoyingmycoffee1981 and run home shouting the car's gone.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 05/06/2015 12:40

rational or otherwise - you asked for AIBU, and you have responses, we (a lot here) think you were really U!!

you withheld information from him because you were tired, information you know he would have wanted to know right away, and information he could have chosen to act on.

I would be beyond fucked off if my DP did this - and kept it from me as well, you are lying to him - nice relationship!

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 05/06/2015 12:41

Yulia... Do not tell him! It will achieve nothing. It will result in fireworks though. And ruin the weekend at least. I suggest you put it out of your mind completely.

GayByrne · 05/06/2015 12:42

Doesn't make any diff does it OP?

Don't telhim. Really hope it's found, what a shame.

Ps I know exactly what you mean about just getting home after a long drive.

Lavenderice · 05/06/2015 12:42

Personally I think you have to tell him, and the police.