Aibu to think this is ungrateful control freakery?

[satine]

Just saw on social media the happy news that someone has had a baby. Lovely.
Then it says "if you would like to make them a meal, ..."
Again, lovely idea. I used to do this when my friends were having their babies.

But then it turns nasty....
"please go to this website to register"
I click on the link in amazement and it's a website where you register and then pick the days you're going to cater, and then you have to say what you're going to make.
Ok - I guess no-one likes lasagne 6 days on the trot BUT then it goes on to say "all meals must be dairy free. Please use xxx brand of lactose free whatever, not Alpro. Please deliver meals in disposable containers and by 7.30pm each day. Please text to confirm your delivery on the day"
These last bits were actually written by or on behalf of the happy couple, not by the Control Your Friends and Famly website.
I mean I'm all for organisation but whatever happened to being bloody grateful for any help whatsoever and appreciating the time and effort that someone has gone to to make you any meal, even if it is the eighth tuna casserole that week.
Anyway, that's my rant over. AM I being unreasonable?!!

Sandfish, there's no suggestion that the people in the OP are isolated or that the husband is not on paternity leave.

Obviously, from your posts, you seem to have had it unbelievably hard. I'm sure some people do. And I'm just as sure that some people are shamelessly entitled arses. On the strength of no evidence to the contrary I'm placing the couple in the OP firmly in the latter category.

I help where help is really needed - always have done, always will. If a friend was struggling with a newborn, I'd be there like a shot. But I wouldn't be doing it online like this.

Sorry, still chuckling over Alan and Maude's disappointing moussaka

I can manage a multipack of Wotsits on a Tuesday.

Put them with my jar of pickled onions HellKitty and it's a meal!

Rousette, I think we're having a party!

Comparing having a healthy baby to undergoing cancer treatment is a bit of a fucking stretch!

This bugs the shit out of me. Unless you're Sonia from Eastenders, you haven't just had a surprise baby pop out in the bathroom, have you?

If you haven't grasped the concept of preparing yourself for the arrival of your child then that's your lookout. Terrorising your friends with a list of demands for food is ridiculous.

If someone drops in a casserole, wonderful.

It's a lovely thing for friends and family to decide to give you a dig out. That is not what's happening here.

It's weird how things have changed over the years.

Spontaneous acts of kindness have now become so organised, that the spontaneity has completely disappeared. Thoughtful little personal gifts seem to have been swapped for requests from the receivers. Simple get togethers to wish someone well, have now turned into lavish organised events.

Stag/Hen nights seem to have turned into lavish foreign holidays.

Personal wedding gifts seem to have been replaced by wedding lists.

Getting together with a few friends before the birth of a baby, seems to have turned into a gift buying fest that's known as a baby shower.

And now the act of popping a lasagne in the oven for a friend whose had a baby, has turned into an organised instruction.

Yes it's all very practical but sometimes the practicality makes it come across as grabby and self entitled, in some ways.

Yes yes yes Worra. I like human interraction and not doing everything via the web.

The best gift anyone gave me after dd1 was an all the trimmings roast dinner and they stayed around to hold the baby whilst we are it. Taking food is a lovely thoughtful thing. Asking for others to bring food is awful and takes the joy out of it for the giver.

I always take meals to friend with newborns as I remember how welcomeit was. Would never sign up to this.

Absolutely, Worra, spot on with every word ~ everyone's a celebrity nowadays, everyone's a 'special case'.

wow...just...wow

Absolutely agree with Worra. These things are turning from a spontaneous kind gift to something to be planned and expected. These things shouldn't be a chore, just a spur of the moment act of kindness.
As an aside, I've never had a baby shower thrown, or a hen party when I got married, or meals brought for me after any of my 3 births. I need different friends....

I've just had major surgery. I'm not allowed to do anything, not even lift the kettle. I knew I was going into hospital so I batch cooked before I went in and DH had 10 days off work afterwards. He's back at work now and gets home at 6:00-6:30 and starts cooking the dinner then. We wouldn't usually eat so late but we've had to adapt to the situation, and as we're grown ups we can!

When I had my kids 18&20 years ago there was no such thing as paternity leave. We managed to eat after, a lot of it was chuck in the oven type stuff but it was food. After DS2 was born I still couldn't walk from very severe SPD and DH was sent away with the RAF when he was 16 days old. We still coped because we had to.

People expect others to make them meals just cos they've had a baby? This is a thing now? There's no hope

It's always been a thing.

Not that long ago women used to spend 10 days after delivery in hospital before that was the trend and hospitals where unusual places to give birth it was not unusual to live on the same street as your entire family and have the neighbourhood in and out doing stuff for each other.

If you weren't in that sort of neighbourhood having a mother come and stay for x time after was not unusual nor was having staff.

We don't tend to live like that anymore we expect women to deliver babies then be going home if they have had a piss at 6 hours and we sneer at them if they need help or rest whilst forgetting that so many of us had help ourselves.

Perhaps they have an allergy perhaps they are only hoping very close friends and family will join in

And all mine born before 94 the hospitals where a totally different kettle of fish,babies taken away over night decent levels of staff on hand,nappies,vests and even formula on hand provided if needed no stay shorter than 10 days.

Towards the end of the 90's they dropped down to a week. The conveyer belt 6 hours or over night thing is fairly recent

Cheeky bastards!

I was born in 1971, my mum stayed in for 2 days.

My sister had my niece in 1992 and only stayed in overnight.

I had DS1 in 1994, he was born by ventouse on the Wednesday morning and we went home on the Friday morning. With DS2, born in 96, I stayed in overnight because he wouldn't feed otherwise we'd have gone home the same day.

Short stays in hopsitals after you have given birth have been around for years.

Well sending a sick friend a "Paleo crock pot" might be a very nice thing to do if you choose to do it but no this is

NeedsAsockamnesty not that long ago, men were never expected to cook family meals and get on with the housework. Most of them just went to work and let the women help each other out.

This is a couple who people will be running around to provide and deliver food for.

Unless the guy has a disability, there's just no need for this sort of thing, especially since the invention of microwaves and all sorts of other kitchen equipment that makes life much easier nowadays.

Sure if someone was to think to themselves, 'I know, I'll send a quick text and see if they need/want anything', then that would be a nice thought but this is totally different imo.

Yes, I agree. I had mine in 1994, 1997 and 1998. Two nights in 1994 because the baby spent a night in SCBU, two nights in 1997 because I had to have the placenta removed surgically, and two nights in 1998 because I have an underlying medical condition (they had twigged the necessity by then) and the baby had to have blood taken (a proper amount) once she was 48 hours old and they did say that I could go home the night before and bring her back the next morning but I was quite comfy in a private room and decided to rest another night!

They couldn't get you out fast enough in the 90s. But, I do agree that childbirth needs more care and more nursing in the UK. In any other circumstances if somebody passed an object the size of a melon through a hole the size of a kiwi fruit causing tearing and sometimes many many stitches it would be regarded as a major injury NOT a natural process.

I had good births and appreciate the need for women to be looked after and cared for. That does not however extend to sending out the equivalent of a doodle poll to request particular meals on particular days with specific instructions.

But if the husband is there why isn't he doing the cooking?

Also it's not like a bereavement where you don't know it is going to happen. You have time to stock up the freezer with dishes.

My mum did us lots of bolognaise sauce for our freezer before ds was born which was incredibly kind of her. We did some stuff ourselves too.

But while dh was on paternity leave of course he cooked - why wouldn't he?

PS obvs I think it's lovely for friends to drop meals off to new parents, and not knocking it at all.

The demand for food, and a certain kind of food, is bizarre though.

What the actual Feck.

Who the hell do they think they are!?!

Why didn't they batch cook and freeze like the rest of us?

Entitled arses!

I'm reminded of the poor woman whose Christening party was completely hijacked by a party organiser. The invitations sent out were appallingly grabby.

Luckily, she had a tiger friend who chased him back to his hole, but the poor mum was feeling overwhelmed and not coping well and he'd taken shameless advantage. The friend was posting for advice on here.

I'd reserve judgement before blaming the happy couple.