Aibu to think this is ungrateful control freakery?

[satine]

Just saw on social media the happy news that someone has had a baby. Lovely.
Then it says "if you would like to make them a meal, ..."
Again, lovely idea. I used to do this when my friends were having their babies.

But then it turns nasty....
"please go to this website to register"
I click on the link in amazement and it's a website where you register and then pick the days you're going to cater, and then you have to say what you're going to make.
Ok - I guess no-one likes lasagne 6 days on the trot BUT then it goes on to say "all meals must be dairy free. Please use xxx brand of lactose free whatever, not Alpro. Please deliver meals in disposable containers and by 7.30pm each day. Please text to confirm your delivery on the day"
These last bits were actually written by or on behalf of the happy couple, not by the Control Your Friends and Famly website.
I mean I'm all for organisation but whatever happened to being bloody grateful for any help whatsoever and appreciating the time and effort that someone has gone to to make you any meal, even if it is the eighth tuna casserole that week.
Anyway, that's my rant over. AM I being unreasonable?!!

Latium if it's the "take them a meal" website it is just a link to a roster that a friend of theirs will have organised and sent that particular link out to their friends. It's not a public website for anyone and everyone to respond to.

Of course it's highly unlikely that the couple in question "genuinely need help feeding themselves" but that's not really the point. Most people with a new baby (especially the first) are exhausted and getting a meal from friends/family is a simple practical way people can help, even if they're physically capable of putting food on the table.

Many people are indeed very ill in the days after childbirth, be it mentally or physically

Illness is not exclusive to childbirth. Chances are, in your street there are several people who are very ill, mentally and/or physically. They probably easily outnumber those who have recently given birth.

So I don't understand what point is being made here.

Londonkiwi I have already said that I absolutely agree with people helping others out with providing meals in the days after giving birth. I'm not sure I could have made that any clearer in my last post???

DH cooked for me in the evenings after DC1 and DC2 as I had two babies who screamed all fecking evening if the y weren't permanently attached to me boob = he is obviously a bit of a star, oh and he worked full time with no paternity leave (we lived overseas). How difficult is it to cook pasta and make a bit of sauce? No wonder the world is going to pot. What a bunch of fuckwits.

Soldier My point was that people were stating that pregnancy and childbirth is not an illness but sometimes, it is or at least, it causes illness. Honestly, is this not a predominantly female based site, did I have to point that out?!

I visited my friend once she was home from hospital. I waited to be invited, left my DC at home, took her a present for the baby from me and DH and one from the DcS. I also took her four posh ready meals and a huge bar of chocolate. She's on her own and had an EMCS. She was really grateful for the food and said that no one else had thought to do anything like that for her.

I think it is surprising how many people say no-one offered to cook a meal for them - not even one person.

Of the people I know who have had meals cooked for them, several have said they appreciated the meal far more than a gift of a fancy babygro (although they weren't being ungrateful for that, before anyone thinks they were - just saying that the meal made a big practical difference for them, which actually was the thing that made a real imporvoement to their day at that point)

The other thing that is a much appreciated present too, is a cheque/voucher for a takeaway. Since someone gave me this as a present, I always give the same instead of a baby outfit or toy - I think the parents need a present more than the baby. I also see the taking of a home cooked meal as part of this too. Again, none of this is saying that the people are incapable of cooking or that having a baby renders them useless. It's just a bit of a help or a treat. Of course the new Mum or the DH can cook - the fact their friends bring a meal which means they simply do t have to, does not mean the world is going to pot, or that people have become princessy or useless - just that friends are looking out for each other.

Klayden - yes, you do have to point it out, not least because your post does not state that, but also because the fact that while in some cases childbirth may cause illness that does not negate the points I made regarding illness in general being much more prevalent than childbirth and the fact that there are many more who are ill and do not feel any necessity to post their requirements for catering in such a rude and demanding manner as this couple chose to do. And of course there was absolutely no mention of any illness, just a litany of what those who chose to assist should do.

Wow, the couple from the op have some brass neck.

I am a little that no one cooked me a meal after either of my 2 DC were born. With dd1 I was a single mum living on my own with a very colicky baby, so it would have been very much appreciated.

When dtds were born a few people brought us meals. One checked preferences others didn't but quite frankly, with premature twins and a toddler we were truly grateful for anything including my df who hates cooking and made us pasta in a sauce from a jar. Love her to bits and was amazed as I knew she really hates cooking. People are so grabby!

Latium the point I was making to you is that they weren't "putting in an order" or "making demands" on a website (both of which you have stated). A friend of theirs would have set up the roster, posted out a link to the couple's friends, and their friends can choose a night to cook, and choose to write what they're taking, if they want too.

Nobody is being forced or demanded to do anything!

A lot of posters on this thread have said they think taking meals to new parents is totally unnecessary, which I think is sad. I think it's invaluable.

Yeah but why is it so hard to cook? A couple means two people ??

As I said, the merest hint of an ingrown toenail and I'm round there with my soup and home made bread. I can't stop myself-it's culturally driven instinct.

Of course people can cook for themselves after they've had a baby, unless something has gone badly wrong. But isn't it a nice thing to do to make somthing so they don't have to?

Why is it hard to cook? Because you've got a newborn baby! So either you're shell shocked and exhausted first time parents or you're exhausted and looking after other children.

In my church we would tend of make dinners for people who are sick of have new babies. My SIL has an 8 week old and is having a difficult recovery from a CSection. She is BF so she's constantly hungry too. She is so grateful for the meals people have brought. She also planned ahead a bit and filled her freezer with meals that can go in the slow cooker. She has had people travel by bus to bring her dinners. It's really so kind.

As for the fussy requests. Years ago we had a man in our church who had cancer and his wife requested that people bring dinners, but they had to all be vegetarian and only made with organic veg and there were lots of other conditions too. He was limited in what he could eat and they were trying to keep him as healthy as possible but it did make it difficult and I thought it was a bit cheeky.

If I was trying to help someone by cooking a meal, I would much rather make something that suited their tastes and deliver it at a time when it would be most helpful to them. Rocking up with something they won't enjoy or when they have got so hungry they've already had to eat seems like the kind of 'help' which is more about making yourself feel good than actually doing something practical.
I can't imagine setting up something like this myself (possibly because I have a limitless appetite for pasta and pesto) but I certainly wouldn't be offended, upset or outraged to be included on one for someone else. I know a couple of people who have no family nearby and I would much rather they asked for specific favours than felt that they had to politely accept useless 'help' that actually made life harder for them.

It's not hard to cook when you've had a baby generally but if you're ill or otherwise struggling, it's nice to feel someone cares about you enough to make you a meal. It's not just about the food, it's the care and thought that went into it.

In my community, we do a meal rota for all sorts of reasons. It's not about the lasagne, it's showing that the community cares and wants to do something practical. Not everyone is good at providing emotional support or donating their time but can dish up an extra portion of a roast dinner. It's not compulsory for anyone, it's just nice. :) I'd rather live in a community where we do kind things for another than moan and groan about how easy it is to make beans on toast when you've given birth. Some of you are majorly missing the point.

I think it must be lovely to live in a community where that sort of thing is the norm. Sadly we don't.

But we managed just fine. We prepared frozen things up front and it's easy enough to buy a lasagne and a bag of salad if things are getting too much.

I was wondering how it worked. I'd find it a bit annoying I think if I'd bought things in and started making them to find someone appearing with a casserole at the last minute. I suppose it would help to know what's happening in advance.

As Worra suggested a few pages back this is a lovely idea for people / families experiencing serious illness or bereavement. I would be more than happy to contribute to such a scheme.

But...The Mealtrain website seems to be predominantly for newborns. I sense that it is enabling helplessness in new parents. The website is making money by telling parents of PFBs that they won't be able to cope, and they neeeeeeeed this service. I disagree. The first few days and weeks with a newborn can be tough, but a ready meal, a takeaway or beans on toast are perfectly acceptable and you get by. You don't need organic unicorn wings with a side order of fairy jous.

It is a lovely if people want to help out by bringing a meal round, but for most people it's a luxury and a gift. It is not a need.

Totally agree Klayden.

I think it's sad if helping out a family with a newborn by giving them a meal is seen as "enabling helplessness" ... ridiculous! Of course you can get by without nutritious homecooked food that someone else has provided, but it's so nice when it is provided! And it's lovely to be able to do that for others.