Strangers talking to my baby

[annatha]

People love babies. I'll often smile at them or say hi if I see a little kid looking at me, but since having dd I'm amazed at how many people waltz up, stick their heads in the pram and start cooing. luckily dd is a social butterfly and usually laps it up but what if she wasn't? DH hates it and has actually had words with old women who have startled dd by getting right in her face when she's grumpy or tired. He was sat at a table in a cafe yesterday with her while I queued and a woman actually leant over his lap to talk to dd. probably a cougar. Anyone else have this?

For instance!! My OH has a regular customer in his shop, an old man in his 70s/80s. He spotted us a shop a few days ago, came over and talked to OH, and said Oooooh is this the little on then? She was awake, and looking at him. He said "Oh, could I have a hold?" Of course you can! shuffled her out of the pram and he had a hold and we had a chat about his grandkids.

Completely different to other experiences I've had where a lady starts talking to baby before me, gets her hands in there, and then says "oooh she's fussy isn't she?" or some other crap. Oh you know I'm here then? thanks love.

Yes so that is your opinion coffee why can you not just agree to disagree with everyone who doesn't have the same. why tell them to get a grip?

(I'd never met the old man before but OH introduces as a regular customer)

I was telling people who are seeing it as black and white to get a grip.

You are either a social butterfly who loves to visit old people with your child and share it about to share the love and happiness of a new baby.

Or you are telling old bats to piss off and get their own pet to play with.

And also:

1. dh loves babies and children and will often chat away to little ones in the supermarket etc. His problem is when people have upset dd when she clearly wasn't in a mood to be fussed over.

1. I've never used the phrase old biddy, old bat or anything along those lines at any point in this post. Older people generally like to talk to babies, and therefore most of our interactions have been with old people. Most have been lovely but a few have made her jump or cry by scaring her. Some have said "oh sorry!" as soon as she started crying (to which I'd reply along the lines of babies are babies, its not your fault she's just tired) some have told me she's hungry, tired, hot, cold needing a change etc. Some have asked me why she's grumpy after making her cry.

Sorry im with coffee! Everyone has different attitudes towards this kind of thing - neither one is right or wrong.

If the parents are ok with it, crack on! If not, back off - shouldnt annoy you either way really just accepting a difference of what they find acceptable. The bottom line is you ( the 'cooer' ) are a stranger, the baby is their child so what they want goes....and eitherway that goes is fine and totally justifiable !

Well this was fun. I'm off to bed, got a day out with the baby, hope nobody smiles at me :)

annatha Good luck if you continue with the thread, but I'd put it behind you if I was you :) lol

spillyobeans

Indeed, spot on!

CoffeeAndBiscuits I wasn't specifically addressing you or referring to your posts. It was more of a general musing about casual ageism across the board on mumsnet, and the disconnect between promoting understanding for those with SN and intolerance and dismissiveness towards elderly people.

Personally I'd see it as an invasion of privacy and personal space, I don't want random folks disturbing my child. When my DP was pregnant with DD she had on a couple of instances people try to touch and rub her bump without so much as a warning & without her permission - To me there are parallels to be made here, namely that it's just not on to do these things when no-one has actually said it's OK to do so!!

YANBU at all OP

I personally have no problem with people cooing over the babies I look after (I am an Au Pair so not a mum) as I know that every time I see a baby I feel like cooing over them and possibly kidnap them to keep them with me forever . But I have a real problem with people thinking it's okay to have physical contact with them. I know how tempting that is as I said, babies are cute and you naturally want to cuddle them but that's out of order in my opinion.

No matter how cute a baby is I would never make physical contact with them unless they initiated it ( toddler or baby handing you a toy for example etc...) not sure why other people think it's okay ?

So I would go for YANBU as boundaries (especially regarding children) varies from people to people. (I have never told anyone off though as I know they meant well.)

Right your dd is a social butterfly, so picture this scene. She's smiling at a little old lady or young women for that matter and they ignore her.
Pretty sure you'd then be on here saying aibu to be angered that women ignored my smiling baby.
Ffs people can't win with some people

People are being nice to your baby?! The utter bastards!
(Hands over grip)

No wonder people think that the British aren't child friendly and then cite other countries as being much more child friendly.
It is because certain parents want everyone to be friendly under their rules- as in smile fondly, think 'how adorable' but keep your distance!
In child friendly countries people are friendly in their own ways- that is how it works.
You can't have it both ways- if you are not allowed to interact you simply don't bother.