Page 5 | Strangers talking to my baby

annatha · 2015-06-04T18:41:37+00:00

People love babies. I'll often smile at them or say hi if I see a little kid looking at me, but since having dd I'm amazed at how many people waltz up, stick their heads in the pram and start cooing. luckily dd is a social butterfly and usually laps it up but what if she wasn't? DH hates it and has actually had words with old women who have startled dd by getting right in her face when she's grumpy or tired. He was sat at a table in a cafe yesterday with her while I queued and a woman actually leant over his lap to talk to dd. --probably a cougar--. Anyone else have this?

whattheseithakasmean · 04/06/2015 21:48

I would be mortified if my DH was rude to an elderly lady who was just trying to be nice. Fortunately he is a kind and well mannered man, so it would never happen. I really judge a man by the way he treats older women - it is very telling - obviously the OP's DH is quite happy to put them in their place. Yuck.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 21:54

God I detest other people's kids except the ones I child mind and my own were acceptable. Just!!! Haha so true for me! First child and while I was pregnant people immediately thought I liked children and kept showing me photos and giving me babies to hold and play with. Nope nope nope.

I assumed the cougar comment was a joke

BitOutOfPractice

There's being nice to a baby and making a nice comment, which I don't mind. But comments about feeding and such, and actually poking and touching my baby, big nono in my book.

It's not like I walk through the streets and everyone who is kind I say "begone stranger and you dare come closer to my child and you shall feel my wrath!"

I just don't enjoy it like others do.

I understand aibu, but people can disagree without getting personal. :)

fourchetteoff · 04/06/2015 21:55

Oh my goodness, I would be so angry with DH if they were this rude to someone who was trying to be nice. I'm afraid even your explanations afterwards seem like it was an overreaction on your DHs part. That poor cougar will probably never dare approach a baby again. It's a sad thing that generations of people no longer particularly mix in public anymore.

Anyhow, I can assure anyone that as soon as your child reaches (I think) age 4.2 they will apparently become 'meh' to people as their baby faces are no longer automatically adorable. I miss people being just randomly nice to my older kids.

Lookatmyredtrousers · 04/06/2015 21:57

I love the way little babies get people talking. I've met some great people since having DD and people are just so lovely and complimentary. DH in particular loves if when people stop to tell him how beautiful she is.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 21:57

I would be mortified if my DH was rude to an elderly lady who was just trying to be nice. Fortunately he is a kind and well mannered man, so it would never happen. I really judge a man by the way he treats older women - it is very telling - obviously the OP's DH is quite happy to put them in their place. Yuck

We don't actually know what "words" he had. If you don't want someone to do something you can at least say something. You don't have to give old ladies free access to your children just because they enjoy it.

He may have said "Please would you mind not doing that, she startles easily and is trying to sleep"

or may have said

"piss off old bag and get out of my babies face you scared her"

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 22:01

Seems to be black and white here.

You either love people and love your baby being talk to and poked and prodded. You may even take your baby out just for the attention.

Or you hate people and you don't appreciate that people love babies, and you are a nasty disrespectful grump.

I'm somewhere in the middle, and couldn't care less how other people react to it all I guess.

Timri · 04/06/2015 22:03

Why bother posting if you think you are being reasonable?

^This. 100 times this.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 22:07

Why bother posting if you think you are being reasonable?

^This. 100 times this.

I think we all know people post on here for traffic and aren't always asking AIBU, she does say at the end, "Anyone else have this?"

whattheseithakasmean · 04/06/2015 22:08

Coffee we have 3 children & my DH has never had to 'have words' with an elderly lady - I can't believe the OP's baby is such a massive old lady magnet that was necessary.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 22:16

Coffee we have 3 children & my DH has never had to 'have words' with an elderly lady - I can't believe the OP's baby is such a massive old lady magnet that was necessary.

I'll make it clear I'll talk to anyone, and a smile and a chat to an awake baby has never bothered me, I talk back, I don't find anything strange with talking to strangers, and regularly do.

But I've "had words" before.

Brought DD out after a massive puking screaming reflux related incident, just gone to sleep, lady pops in the queue behind us in iceland, actually pulled the hood of the pram back to see her better and then proceeded to cheek poke, OH said "excuse me? Sorry but she's not well and we don't want her to wake up" Lady was shirty with us, but christ, she was pulling at the pram!

Took her to the doctors and a lady came up to me while daughter was screaming in the waiting room (just had her jabs and was only in a nappy waiting for doctor) poking her tummy and saying "oh she's hungry" (she wasn't)

And I have had so many people actually poke and touch my daughter and it just bothered me, like it would if anyone I didn't know started getting physical with me lol. Never had children and never been interested in other people's so it genuinely took me back.

spillyobeans · 04/06/2015 22:17

I suppose its just A bit of an invasion of your personal space, wouldn't really bother me unless they kept waffling on and you were trying to get on with your buisness. Are you being unreasonable? I dont think you are but i also dont think its that bad either

Mrsfrumble · 04/06/2015 22:19

The OP and some subsequent posts made me a little sad. I have a beloved family member who is in the early stages of dementia. They love babies, but because of their condition, their perception of "personal space" and the volume of their voice may not meet the standards of some of the posters on here, and they would be so confused, upset and embarrassed if some prissy new parent "had words" with them for trying to be friendly.

Timri · 04/06/2015 22:20

Coffee She should have put it on chat then

Yarp · 04/06/2015 22:24

It seems to me that if you use the words 'having words', what you are saying or how you are saying it isn't very pleasant

I also agree with Mrsfrumble

spillyobeans · 04/06/2015 22:25

coffee thats weird that she pulled at the pram...jesus talk about rude! If a babys all happy and smiling away at you and parents seem content then a smile or a hi or whatever is cool, but to actually go into the pram and poke at your child....

msgrinch · 04/06/2015 22:29

I'm so glad I don't encounter people like you in real life. I loved people chatting to ds, cooing over him, it was lovely to see. Today I spent an hour with a customers baby on my hip, chatting away to her and even gave her her bottle so mum and grandad could look as wedding dresses. It was lovely.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 22:30

Mrsfrumble I've worked with people with dementia in the past and I understand what you mean about personal space, but you can't expect people to be accepting of every stranger that touches or goes to far with your baby if you don't want that kind of interaction. You can't assume everyone who does it has dementia or is unaware of what they are doing. And if you want to tell them no, you are completely in your rights to.

coffee thats weird that she pulled at the pram...jesus talk about rude! If a babys all happy and smiling away at you and parents seem content then a smile or a hi or whatever is cool, but to actually go into the pram and poke at your child....

Oh I've had all sorts, must be where I live!!

Best was going to the antenatal clinic to pick up a letter I forgot to get when I had DD, she was about 2 months old at the time, all strapped in her pram, midwife unstrapped her, woke her up and said "OH we never get to see babies at this side of the ward" picked her up and said "Oooh I have to pass her round she's so cute...etc and beggared off down a corridor somewhere with her haha. I'd never even met the midwife before so it's not as if she'd seen me through pregnancy and then wanted to meet the baby.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/06/2015 22:32

coffee in her OP annatha says she's annoyed by people "cooing". Really? That's not a miserable attitude?

Soduthen116 · 04/06/2015 22:32

Getting paranoid now! My kids were ugly littie fuckers obviously. Old ladies avoided us.

Mind my ace dil is 9 years older than ds so the cougar got him in the end.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 22:32

I'm so glad I don't encounter people like you in real life. I loved people chatting to ds, cooing over him, it was lovely to see. Today I spent an hour with a customers baby on my hip, chatting away to her and even gave her her bottle so mum and grandad could look as wedding dresses. It was lovely.

That is SO much different to people who just walk up to your pram in the street or the shop and start poking!!! You already had a rapport with your customers and they knew who you were!

I went round to look at a nursery last week and was struggling to fill out the forms while holding DD, so the lady at the reception said "oh here I'll have a cuddle while you do that" completely different to someone just coming up and poking and talking and who have no idea who they are :/

msgrinch · 04/06/2015 22:34

I've had plenty of people shove their head in my son's pram. Never bothered me or him. Never bothered my godchildren or my friends. Why would it? It's a small interaction.

SilverBirch2015 · 04/06/2015 22:35

I like cooing over babies, but generally I will wait for the baby to engage with me first - smile in supermarket queue and so on. Will normally also still nod or so few words to parent. If parent seems reluctant to engage in any way I tend to back right off.

I suspect some people's social skills are not the same as others though. Unless my DC was actually upset it wouldn't bother me, it's all part of them developing social skills, if someone behaves oddly or scarily they learn how to give social clues back.

If your're too pfb, DC will not gain experience of handling different/more challenging social interactions.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 22:35

I've had plenty of people shove their head in my son's pram. Never bothered me or him. Never bothered my godchildren or my friends. Why would it? It's a small interaction.

Because everyone has different views on personal space that's why. That's all it is. Doesn't make them bad people

msgrinch · 04/06/2015 22:35

Also I new the customer for 30 seconds before cooing over her beautiful daughter.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/06/2015 22:37

Coffee she says she's annoyed bu people cooing. Even though her baby likes it. I have no idea where you've got these horriblepoking people from. The OP is annoyed by people being nice!