Strangers talking to my baby

[annatha]

People love babies. I'll often smile at them or say hi if I see a little kid looking at me, but since having dd I'm amazed at how many people waltz up, stick their heads in the pram and start cooing. luckily dd is a social butterfly and usually laps it up but what if she wasn't? DH hates it and has actually had words with old women who have startled dd by getting right in her face when she's grumpy or tired. He was sat at a table in a cafe yesterday with her while I queued and a woman actually leant over his lap to talk to dd. probably a cougar. Anyone else have this?

She was a customer, you weren't someone approaching her in the street. It's different.

My god stop being so smug about it.

I totally agree with what bit said and am quite glad I live in a town where cooing and chatting to babies in a pram isn't seen as an invasion of their personal space

I have no idea where you've got these horriblepoking people from

My own experiences! which I mentioned many times in this thread already.

People poke MY baby and touch MY baby who are complete strangers.

I don't mind talking, friendly chat...etc, but touching I mind.

I wasn't stating OPs specific experiences because nobody knows them.

I simply said why my boundaries where earlier on and it's gone from there

Well then just make up some excuse like "she's tired" or "I wouldn't get too close, he needs a nappy change!" (Which I used a couple of times when strangers wanted to fuss over my DS and he wasn't in the mood), smile and move on. No need to "have words" (which has the connotation of being sharp and unpleasant) and make unkind generalisations about "old biddies".

I find the ageism on MN very depressing sometimes. Given the number of people in the UK suffering from dementia, it entirely possible that the various behaviours of "old biddies" and "old bats" you see complained about on here are due to the condition. MN is brilliant at advocating tolerance and making allowances for small children and people with SN, but many seem unwilling to extend that compassion to elderly people.

It's usually possible to extricate yourself (and your baby) from such unwanted social interactions without hurting anyone's feelings.

coffee you have just reminded me that happened to us when dd was about 2 weeks old!! Went to an appointment with her and some random midwife who we had never met before (or since) came out of an office while we were carrying dd out as we were leaving and she just took dd from my very startled dh and said something about oh she is just so cute let me show her to everyone in the office! And walked off with her. Dh was just left standing there very confused! We weren't worried we just followed the midwife but really just a quick "do you mind if I have a quick cuddle ?" Would have been nice!

Generally though I really love when people smile and chat to my dd and tell me how lovely she is it makes me feel very warm and fuzzy. I do sometimes find it awkward when they ask my dd questions like "ooh have you got your teddy what's teddy's name?" And she is only 15 months old so not going to answer so I have to say. ..um it's called teddy...isn't it dd? Sometimes I do think maybe just talk to me a bit too don't just talk to my dd because she's cute and I'm not!!

Waffly post sorry

Oh, I thought we were discussing whether the OP was being U

I didn't realise that we had shifted onto your experience.

I think the OP is being U and rather a misreable so and so.

I have no idea why you have met so many pokey and rude people coffee. I certainy didn't

I do find people very peculiar thinking it bad for a baby to have people paying them attention!
If the baby doesn't like it the baby makes it quite clear! Generally the baby is quite happy and the mother has the problem, such a shame for the baby.

I took my DC out all the time to toddler group and park etc.
Plenty of people talked to them but it never upset either them or me
They were both great early talkers too, especially dd

If we could provide a bit of company and interest to some older folk, who also welcomed us to their city (which was new for us back then) then
it's a Win/Win isn't it and no great hardship?

smug? ok someone has a chip on their shoulder. I'm stating my opinion. I'm not being smug just because I don't agree with you. Last time I checked the customer was a stranger but it's fine, clearly you're taking this way more serious than my comments were meant.

The problem is your dh, he's a grumpy old sod.
You like talking to small children and don't mind.
Your dh is VU.

Used to take forever to get round the supermarket with dd 1, she was an old lady magnet and dd loved it. Mind you, she used to try and talk to the drunk old men standing outside the pub on our walk home from nursery each evening. I actually didn't mind, I loved that someone would take the time to talk to my little girl.

I'm terrible for talking to other people's babies and toddlers, especially in the supermarket. A little girl last week started blowing kisses at me when I said bye bye to her and I just about melted. Made my day. Her mum was standing with a big grin on her face quite obviously very proud of her child.

I think yabu and so was your dh.

Mrsfrumble I've never used the phrase old biddies or old bats, I've only ever said old people and old ladies,

And I only mentioned that they are old, because they are the only people who have ever physically touched my daughter or crossed the boundaries, dementia or not. I've worked with a lot of people who have dementia, and I am well aware that some old people may have this and that is why their personal space is different. But that doesn't change that I don't want strangers poking and touching my child.

Younger people have never ever done it, so I can specify what happens with me, it doesn't make it ageist, just makes it a fact.

Younger people tend to just look and chat, or not bother at all.

You can not excuse them just because of age.

Hope you have got some cotton wool.

Don't go to Southern Europe - they will be amazed if you get upset when they interact with your baby! One if the saddest threads on here was someone with an elderly Greek woman staying- she bend down to touch a baby and was completely startled to have the mother say 'Don't touch' in a strident tone.

Last time I checked the customer was a stranger but it's fine When I say stranger I mean someone I have no interacted with, or tried to interact with, until their hand/face/body is hovering over my child. No hello to me, or how is the weather, or what do you need (if they are a shop keeper) etc.

Your customer was aware there was going to be an interaction with you. Unless your job involves pouncing on people in the streets.

Bloody hell. Clarifications:

1. I LIKE PEOPLE TALKING TO BABIES. I don't let people who scare babies by talking to them in an inappropriate way.

1. DH's "words" were when an old lady (and yes, I said old, because its only ever been older people who've been like this) MADE MY DAUGHTER SCREAM. He asked politely if she would mind leaving her be as she was very tired. The woman saw that she was upset and still decided to stick her head into my pram.

1. The cougar comment was a joke, which I now realise not many people on here found funny.

But I'm obviously a nasty, hateful person with a violent husband who abuses old people for even looking at my perfect precious child. There's some downright nasty people on here tonight.

I posted because I wanted people to say either "yep UABU, it can be annoying but they mean no harm", which plenty of people have without lashing into me, or "you're right, its lovely to talk to babies but some people cross a line when they upset a baby. Here's a nice way of asking them (politely) to give her a bit of space.

coffeeandbiscuits thank you so much for sticking up for me.

she bend down to touch a baby and was completely startled to have the mother say 'Don't touch' in a strident tone. Well that's just tough shit and she'll have to get over it.

Some people, especially with newborns, do not like face touching, they are pretty big on the hygiene of people they know touching baby, nevermind strangers.

I'm not saying that's me, I'm not a "wash your hands before you touch my child" kind of person. But many are, and that's their choice, they aren't there to cater to anyone who fancies a gander!

I used to take mine into a retirement home to visit- the baby and the elderly people loved it. It is far better for your baby to be sociable, than treat them like a possession.

Luckily she went back to Greece where people expect to be sociable - not being used to possessive mother's who think it is better for a baby to be behind a plastic bubble!

annatha Ahh it's reet, You do what you want with your baby and strangers, It isn't show and tell.

I completely got that you don't mind talking to strangers, chit chat about baby, hello to baby...etc but people who get up in your face or see baby is irritated and carry on for their own satisfaction of seeing a cute little baby.

Annoying.

Stuff it. Nobody thinks the same, luckily, it does't matter.

Them people won't remember you, so I don't know why everyone is putting so much stock in how much offence you may or may not have caused them.

Babies are not polite! If a baby doesn't like something the baby will make it very clear! Generally the baby is quite happy- it is the mother who projects her entirely different feelings onto the baby.

Luckily she went back to Greece where people expect to be sociable - not being used to possessive mother's who think it is better for a baby to be behind a plastic bubble!

Oh this is just getting pathetic.

People hold my child, people play with my child, people talk to my child, people coo over my child, some of these people I do not know at all. But we are usually already in some kind of conversation, interaction, involvement.

Me not wanting someone to just pop their head in the pram and have a mess with my baby does not mean I keep her in a bubble.

Get a fucking grip. It's not black and white.

Sorry - don't know where the apostrophe came from.

I had my dc late in life..I absolutely loved the attention as did by dc. I think it has helped them in some way to being a sociable, confident child who mixes well with others.
Can't abare standoffishness ( my dialect sorry)
There is nothing more gratifying as someone telling you your baby is a beut. We could all do with a bit more love in this world.

She was going to stroke a foot- that was all.