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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Strangers talking to my baby

164 replies

annatha · 04/06/2015 19:41

People love babies. I'll often smile at them or say hi if I see a little kid looking at me, but since having dd I'm amazed at how many people waltz up, stick their heads in the pram and start cooing. luckily dd is a social butterfly and usually laps it up but what if she wasn't? DH hates it and has actually had words with old women who have startled dd by getting right in her face when she's grumpy or tired. He was sat at a table in a cafe yesterday with her while I queued and a woman actually leant over his lap to talk to dd. probably a cougar. Anyone else have this?

OP posts:

thesaurusgirl · 04/06/2015 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Fauxlivia · 04/06/2015 20:18

Yanbu. People should have the social skills to gauge when it is appropriate to speak to a child and when it isn't. Smiling or chatting to a baby in a supermarket trolley seat, who has made eye contact with you -fine. Sticking your head in a child's face or disturbing a baby who is in their pram and not looking for social interaction - not fine! It isn't difficult and people shouldn't impose their own wishes on other people. Even babies.

Original poster

annatha · 04/06/2015 20:18

clever she's not hard to setitle usually (waits to be lynched for that brag), she'd just had a long ferry journey and was still teeny. We do love the sling though, its a lifesaver!

OP posts:

Fauxlivia · 04/06/2015 20:20

OP, I thought the cougar reference was funny.

I don't like my personal space to be invaded so wouldn't have liked this either.

ktkaye · 04/06/2015 20:20

Actually OP I agree with you. Whilst yes it is lovely that people are friendly etc and no, we don't want kids to fear every stranger there is a slight limit as to what is comfortable for some and you have a right to feel this way. It may not be an ideal feeling but time and again in the past I've had to chuckle awkwardly while a well meaning stranger got up close into the buggy of the baby I used to look after. There is a world of difference between a lovely smile and hello to your child to the more invade your/their space with a face in the pram or 'tickling' etc which many children don't appreciate necessarily. ditto the comments - again, meant jokingly I'm sure, but I do wish some folk could be a little more mindful - the child I cared for was visually impaired and on one occasion a woman who was trying to talk/ attract the baby's attention became very confused and cross when she didn't get a response saying 'is she tired or is something wrong with her?!' (???!!!!) Whereupon I had to explain as politely as I could that actually, yes, she has a genetic condition which means she finds it hard to see/respond. Which clearly made the woman uncomfortable and me too as she wasn't my child to be discussing really but I couldn't think of a better answer than the truth!

As I'm sure you do, try very hard to view it as simply friendly but YANBU. And I'm sure your baby is adorable - no mother thinks theirs is an ugger do they?! X

Beatrixemerald · 04/06/2015 20:21

I have an extremely extrovert dd (she is 1) so not only do people make a fuss of her but she will do everything she can to court attention, smiling, waving etc. I think it's lovely when people coo over her and make the effort to talk to her. I would only do something if she didn't enjoy it. Can't understand getting arsy about people being nice

AnyoneForTennis · 04/06/2015 20:21

Is this really an actual problem?

SaucyJack · 04/06/2015 20:22

Wrong thread thesaurusgirl?

DixieNormas · 04/06/2015 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

annatha · 04/06/2015 20:25

thesaurusgirl my husband isn't a vicious dickhead for being annoyed at someone for scaring his daughter. Ffs.

lavenderrice have you read my posts? I'd say probably 90% of people talking to dd are lovely, kind people who make her smile and have something nice to say. 10% are loud, scary, grabby and don't pick up on the fact they are upsetting her.

OP posts:

3luckystars · 04/06/2015 20:28

I think its lovely. Except there is this one woman around the corner who only speaks to my daughter and not me. Its just weird!

My daughter has a lovely name and this woman started saluting my daughter loudly every day "hello Peggy!" about a year ago, she was 3! I had no idea who this woman was. This went on for months, then one day I went over and introduced myself and had a chat. Next day she ignored me again and roars out "hello Peggy!" and stares at her. She does this every day, she thinks she is my daughters friend but not mine. Oddball.

My daughters name is not Peggy, that's my grannies name.

Soduthen116 · 04/06/2015 20:28

Good god no give me a puppy or kitten any day.

Far cuter.

Only thought my own babies were cute. All others annoying fat noisy dumplings.

DixieNormas · 04/06/2015 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neversleepagain · 04/06/2015 20:32

Be thankful you don't have twins. People seem to think it acceptable to ask about your fertility, tell you that you are now done having children, ask if you had a vaginal birth, if you breastfeed, the list is endless.

I like it when people talk to my DC, you are being precious OP.

Royalsighness · 04/06/2015 20:33

I don't mind the cooing, especially from really elderly men and women because even a moment of positive human contact can lift people's spirits for the day.

What I don't like is the touching, in fact I hate it and find it a real invasion of boundaries. A man that could barely talk he was so drunk, came over to my sons pram when he was 5 weeks old and put his finger in my sons mouth, his nails were long and very dirty and he was filthy and stunk, I'm not in the position to judge why he was in the state he was in but having him do that to my child really really upset me. I feel stupid about it upsetting me but I cried all the way home. I'd done so much to make his environment sterile and safe and then that happened and I felt completely out of control.

It's about our boundaries and what we are happy with, everyone's different.

Fluffcake · 04/06/2015 20:37

My mum has dementia. She likes nothing more than saying hello to small children and babies. I am aware that people may not like it and hover on full attentiob but fortunately no has behaved like your dh.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 20:39

No need for whoever said "twat" at the beginning, how pathetic.

YANBU and I completely agree with you. on a daily basis people come up to me and say "how old" then start talking and poking her, especially older people.

Sat in the doctors yesterday with DD on my knee (6mo) and she was crying, just generally being a fuss bag. Old lady walks up "She's hungry", nope... just fed her. "She's hungry I know that cry anywhere", Oh... do you now? Well she's not.....

I'm not a very social person so I guess strangers cooing over my baby or generally butting in irritates me, each to their own.

PrincessOrElsa · 04/06/2015 20:40

I love it when people smile and chat to my baby. I live in London and it feels like a different city with everyone beaming at us on the tube. And isn't that how babies brains develop, through social interaction?

BoeBarlow · 04/06/2015 20:43

I don't mind people saying hello, DD usually just gives them a smile. I object to strangers touching her face though (maybe a bit PFB). DH thinks I'm overreacting but all I can think about is that I don't know where their hands have been

Royalsighness · 04/06/2015 20:44

There's a difference between positive social interaction and someone getting in the face of your distressed baby and saying they must be hungry or tired, rubbing their legs ect. A smile is a socially acceptable gesture, a polite comment maybe, but some people really over step the mark.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 20:44

Also OP I would say ignore the patronising comments.

The way I read your OP your weren't bragging, at all

Just because other people love the attention their child gets doesn't mean you should.

YANBU to be annoyed that strangers talk to your baby. Especially if they touch.

As for "having words" I've said to people before to back off in the nicest of manners i.e "she's having a hard time today please don't wake her" but to be honest, I should be having to tell a stranger to get their head and shoulders out of my pram and not wake my daughter.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 04/06/2015 20:47

Completely agree.

If a baby looks over at me or smiles, I'll give them a smile and a wave, or an over excited toddler starts chatting, I'll chat back, but I won't touch or poke or comment on the baby of people I've never met before. comments such as "oooh he's tired" "oooh someones grumpy" "sounds like you're ready for a feed"...etc are irritating

FrinkadelicA12 · 04/06/2015 20:49

I take my (adorably fat-cheeked) 6 month old to the supermarket on pension day on purpose so all the lovely old ladies and lovely old men can chat to her and tickle her toes.

Gilrack · 04/06/2015 20:49

You seem to have a bit of a problem with women you consider old, OP. As do some other posters.

I guess I could start a thread about how stupid & offensive young parents are, eh? Or black women.

mamaneedsamojito · 04/06/2015 20:50

I like the attention as much as DS does when this happens! I'm a proper pram-peeper myself since having a child. I can't get enough of them. YABU.

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