to ask what silly lies you tell to keep up appearances?

[Penfolds5]

I pretend to like films with subtitles, but in reality I find them hard to read and would go for bad dubbing/a Cameron Diaz romcom any day.

I've also been known to switch my radio from Smooth FM to Radio 4 or 6 when someone's coming over.

Not a lie as such but I pull off reduced stickers before putting in fridge.

I also pull off the bargainous £1.49 sticker from Aldi grated cheese otherwise DP would turn his nose up know some of the food budget is being diverted to clothes..

RoyalSighness you've beat me to it. I really love 90s gangsta rap, almost always with very explicit lyrics, sometimes misogynistic too.
I'm your typical Boden- wearing, middle- class SAHM, and I consider myself a feminist as well. I tend to listen to it really loud when driving my 7- seater mum-mobile, but then turn the music right down when I'm near my house or people outside as I know you can hear it even with the windows up.

I pretend I don't really know what Mumsnet is or call it Netmums.

Once upon a time in the dim and distant past I used my free time to improve myself intellectually, reading worthy serious books/films/plays etc. A marriage, 2DCs and a ridiculously stressful career later any free time I have is spent watching utter drivel - Pretty Little Liars, Vampire Diaries and the like.

People still assume I am the intellectual heavy weight I once was or tried to be and I don't disabuse them of this notion because I can't be arsed explaining that my brain can't take anymore and I just need to unwind.

I buy second hand clothes that would have originally been expensive and pretend they were bought from new.

I eat all the goodies and pretend the dc did. I know dh also does this when in reality the poor dc have slim pickings compare to what me and dh secretly scoff.

I am a runner and tell people I run further/faster etc. Only cos I'm shot at it!

I didn't think I lied at all until I read this thread (that bit is true)!

Shit not shot (I also blame my phone for a lot of stuff)

I honestly can't think of anything I lie about - I'm not lying to myself either, just old enough and ugly enough not to care what anyone else thinks of me. Plus the few times I tried to lie my way out of trouble when I was younger backfired spectactularly (I am such a crap liar) - it's just easier not to have to.

I also spend weekends lounging on the sofa in PJs, drink too much wine some weeks, scoff chocolate like it was going out of fashion, eat crisps in front of the TV once the kids have gone to bed - I am just not particularly bothered if anyone judges me for it. It's my life not theirs - they can do what they like with their weekends. Don't hide your weird - embrace it and love it, it's what makes you you.

Very easy to say this disguised behind a key board just as easy as it is to put up a pretence that everything is rosy and perfect, but I don't try to keep up any appearances. I'm not perfect. My child's not perfect. My dp is not perfect. We're human and have our faults.
Trust me when I'm upset the whole world knows

Panic tidier here too :).

Once at a very rare party we hosted the guests were all discussing how nice our toilet roll was. The women were laughing about how they all bought economy sand paper. Truthfully that's what we usually got too but I'd picked posh ones up by mistake. Now every time one if them comes over I have to get the posh loo paper out to keep up the pretence that we use it. I'm not even sure why!

I tell people I am older than I really am just so they will think I look good for my age

If anybody asks I say my parents live abroad.

Saves explaining that for 8 months of every year they drive across mainland Spain and then up and down the coast with an old caravan like a pair of Gypsies as the whim takes them.
Then every winter they park up on my front garden because they love Christmas with the kids.

I pull on a tracksuit and trainers because it's comfy for the school run cos' it's comfy and can be bra less.

"Off to the Gym again Scoop"

Of course

I call out "it's here" or similar as I approach the door when pizza arrives...so that they don't think it's just for me.

Fallulah I love you grin

When we lived on a main road and even now if somebody is hanging around while we are leaving the house. I always shout back into the house as I am locking the door
' We are off now. See you later'
To the empty house.

I pretend to be heading home from the school run for a busy morning of paperwork and laundry on my day off, when in fact I make a giant pot of coffee, sit on the sofa and watch Bing.

Caffeine and lies. It's a Bing thing.

I pretend that it's a hard life working from home as a freelancer, cooking nutritious meals and running the home.

In reality my freelance work consists of updating my professional twitter page once a day, home cooking is sticking a pile of vegetables next to freezer food and and running the house is managing to put one load of washing on and not even knowing where the Hoover is kept.

And I'm admitting all of this

I've been through the McDonald's drive through and said "can you pop the burgers in three bags please ....make them easier for me to drop off"

DH does a very niche job in the arts and we have a lot of friends from that world. I pretend I've seen all the latest plays/operas etc when I haven't... I just read a couple of online reviews on my phone on the way to any social thing and then just bluff. I'd rather boil my own head than go to the theatre. I like lying on the sofa in my pjs watching Top Gear on Dave.

If the postie knocks....

About 13.00h....

I've been known to say wearing pj's and dressing gown "I'm not lazy I'm on nights"

When men open doors for me at work I pretend to be grateful when really I'm thinking "I'm not a precious snowflake who can't open her own door but I guess you're just acting according to how you've been brought up and are doing what you think I would like you to do!"

It's exhausting being in my head I tell you

The vegetarian thing...I so get that. I've lost count of how many times people have launched into an opinion on it...that I nod and smile and say 'you're so right, I'm off to order a bacon butty'.

Fact is I don't eat meat. I have no opinion about it. I just don't.

But I will lie about being happy to cook it - the fecking grease from bacon hovers everywhere. Shit stuff. I mean it proper clings. I truly have no idea why anyone would want to it eat in the first place. Let alone wash up the remnants after.

But I still make a marvellous fry up...with fecking bacon.

Basically I just can't be arsed with ensuing discussions. No-one needs to know about my fanfic habit, my endless watching of the same pop videos solely for perving purposes, the fact that I watch the same TV shows over and over again...I just cannot be arsed discussing these things. I just want to enjoy them, on my own, without anyone else's input or opinion.

I am quite happy to spread the word about my fabulous new supermarket own-brand discovery and proudly display my extensive Jilly Cooper collection in the drawing room.

However, I was brought up to abhor laziness, so will always grab the baby as prop and make an effort to look harried when answering the door to the postman at 1pm 11am.

I don't think it's keeping up appearances to laugh at people's jokes. I think, assuming they are not offensive, it's the height of rudeness not to.

If I try lots of clothes on in dressing rooms but don't like any, I pretend I'm going to keep some but instead return to the rails. No idea why.

Binky I do that too!