To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

[LoveandPeaceGonk]

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

Some of the posters here seem to have children who are not used to much independence (or they have younger children).

Chocolate

You keep ignoring the fact that the OP says she is accessible. She is accessible

She's at work.

You're meant to be focused on work whrn you're there, not keeping yourself available for a inadequately supervised ten year old.

Most mums are good at keeping a part of their brain available for the remote possibility that their child might need them.

What a bizarre comment

I volunteered in a library up until last year.

Our policy was to welcome any child, whether accompanied by an adult or not, if they were 8 or over. In fact several children used to come in and get on with their homework on a regular basis. They were from the local primary school and in year 6.

And for those, few librarians saying you shouldn't do it- it's part of your job if the policy is 8 or over.
They have as much right to be there, unaccompanied, as an 80 year old so please stop reinforcing the stereotype of a bad tempered, unwelcoming librarian

In my mind, the key thing that is wrong about this, is not that the library staff are being treated as childcare (I don't think the OP. Intends this to be the case - although clearly is more comfortable with OP being in a place with others around) but that the child is being out in a position where she is basically stuck for half a day in a public place, without a truly available adult.

The parent who is engaged in the type of the job which has a clear start and end time must be there. That is there priority, not the child. It is not possible for both to be the top priority. So yes the child knows she can ring if she needs to and that Mum will come if she really needs to.....but the girl will know that it isn't really an option to request a visit, unless there is something seriously amiss. And I just think it isn't right to put a 10 year old in that position. I think they should have access to someone whenever they need it, without having a sense of being a nuisance to Mum, who is engaged in the more 'serious' job of working. Isn't ensuring the child has an accessible, specific adult, to an adequate level (and in my mind, the working mother cannot provide this to an adequate level for a 10 year old in a public place) her key job. Of course it is fine for her to arrange for someone else to do it while she works. Someone however needs to be provided if we are talking about half a day, rather than the quick 30 minutes many people mention.

Exactly, Bake - finally, a sane comment! Some bonkers posts on this thread.

Why the library though? Would everyone be happy with a ten year old being left to their own devices in a town centre for 3 hours whilst parents are at work?

OP I would advise phoning the local council and asking their policy, so you are given the facts by them.

I second that bake. Run your plans past them and ensure your work are cool with you keeping in touch with your dd for the 3 hours you're there and your laughing.

At least you're not doing this.

Thank you littlejonny some of these comments are bloody stupid!

I'll also add that our library was next to some retirement properties. We had a couple of regular people who suffered from Alzheimer's. (I know this as they were regulars and their partners had spoken to us) They would come in and walk around the library, looking at books and talking to themselves and made far more noise than a 10 year old reading a book. Maybe they shouldn't have been allowed in either.

I don't want my 10 year old to be "so sensible and mature". He has a lifetime of that once he hits 14.

Good luck with that. :)

If he is not remotely sensible and mature at 10 I suspect you'll get a nasty surprise at 14 when he's suddenly given freedom and is totally unprepared because you haven't given him freedom and responsibility bit by bit in an age appropriate manner.

We used to walk to town (15 minutes walk) and hang out all day in the summer holidays when i was 10, including the library. And while my mum worked part time I believe in holidays I was often on my own at home. Mum did childcare until a certain age, but I think by 10 I was pretty sensible. I mostly would have gone to town with friends though.

I would be a bit wary just because they would be on their own. Do they not have friends that they can hang out with? Can you not do a childcare swap with someone else?

Exactly, Bakeoffcakes. Vulnerable library users come in a variety of ages. I expect library assistants who just see their job as stamping books and shelving would rather they didn't come in unattended either.

The library is a community resource. It is going to be used by all sections of that community for many reasons, with varying lengths of visit. Part of the job is to make that space safe and welcoming for all. I don't know of any service point that, when faced with potential problems, just sat back and shrugged and said there is nothing they can do about it or tried to ban people they assumed would be most affected.

You're meant to be focused on work whrn you're there, not keeping yourself available for a inadequately supervised ten year old.

For goodness sake, how difficult is it to answer the phone? It's not like OP will be sitting there for three hours staring at it. It's no different to answering the phone to a client, customer or colleague.

Run your plans past them and ensure your work are cool with you keeping in touch with your dd for the 3 hours you're there and your laughing.

Most employers are entirely cool with employees being contactable by their families for emergencies or even the odd inquiry about whether they'll be in that evening. It's common sense not to treat your employees like robots.

Why the library though? Would everyone be happy with a ten year old being left to their own devices in a town centre for 3 hours whilst parents are at work?

Maybe because it's somewhere where this child would enjoy going to?

I'm also finding this thread bonkers. The OP has been told that doing this is 'disgusting'. Apparently, 10 year olds should be within their parents' view at all times?! The universal access to mobile phones is incredibly recent - when I was 10, my friends and I would go off for the day and, if I needed to contact my parents, I'd have to hunt around for a phone box.
The OP is not asking the library to provide 'childcare'. Childcare to me means playing and interacting with my child, feeding them and talking to me about how they've been while I've been away.
This is not a long term arrangement, it's once a week for a few weeks. I've done a similar thing myself during the summer holidays - my manager was cool with it and my DCs knew there was no problem calling me if they needed to.
I was at a CP conference yesterday (I'm not a social worker but do a fair bit of safeguarding stuff at work). I asked 5 social workers, including 2 managers what they would do if they were alerted to this situation. They all said, without hesitation, that they wouldn't do anything if the child seemed happy. Two of them actually laughed.
Our local library's policy is no unattended under 8's and it's always full of DCS on their own who appear perfectly happy, as do the staff.
And will people please stop talking about the OP 'dumping' her DD. Fathers never get accused of 'dumping' their DCs at nursery or in a library. Good luck OP

My parents used to do this with me - for much longer periods (the whole school holidays, 9-6). It was ok - I loved reading and I coped fine. I got a bit lonely - though this probably wouldn't be an issue for the shorter periods that you're looking at.

However, I wouldn't do it with a child of my own - I do think, in retrospect, that I was quite vulnerable. If, say, older kids had started talking to me, I might well have got involved with them - largely because, as I say, I was a bit lonely. I also think (and thought at the time as well) that it's, in many ways, much safer for a child that age to be at home - yes, there are risks at home (fire, mostly) but, if you have a sensible child who won't open the door, etc, I think it's a lot safer than leaving them in a busy public place.

the girl will know that it isn't really an option to request a visit, unless there is something seriously amiss.

For goodness sake, the child is a mature 10, and she is going to be left doing things she enjoys for only 3 hours. How many children of that age in that situation are desperate for their parents to come and visit them?

When ds3 was around this age, he loved going to Games Workshop where they encourage customers to spend time making models and playing games. They expressly disclaim responsibility for supervision although of course their staff are DBS checked. I thought it was fantastic - he was happy there for hours on end and, like OP, I knew he was a sensible kid who wasn't going to be enticed out by the local drug addicts or paedophiles. I thought the availability of free babysitting was fantastic - well, OK, there was the cost of the models etc, but chances are if he'd been staying at home with a childminder he'd still have wanted to do the modelling. He managed absolutely fine without having me or DH visiting him, and the shop was actually at least 20 minutes drive away from home.

Yanbu

Where I grew up, many years ago, and where my children grew up, not as long ago, and where my gc live now the libraries always had a childrens section that was clearly defined, in one case a completely separate floor of the library, and lone adults wouldn't use that area, you would get mums with little ones. Don't most libraries do this? The adults people think a problem, drunks homeless etc would be in the adult section, wouldn't they?

By the way there isn't a law that 10 year olds have to be constantly supervised and good luck to anyone who thinks calling the police will get any sort of response. I don't know about social services but having twice reported serious child protections issues (as a volunteer at a school) I think it is likely that the summer would be over before anyone even looked at it.

The cost of the models now, Icimoi, I think it would be cheaper to hire a full time Nanny
DS is a little older than OP's DD but has expressed an interest in spending time at a local independent gaming shop. I have no idea if the staff are DBS checked. The customers certainly won't be, but the atmosphere is friendly, he knows what is appropriate and what isn't and he'll have a mobile phone. We're 15 minutes away. No way am I sitting there watching him catalogue gaming cards and playing those interminable games.

Library staff aren't generally DBS checked. They are given basic safeguarding training in my area but that's a relatively new thing. Some branches run reading clubs for preteens and younger teens. Parents aren't expected to stay, nor are contact details taken and held by staff.

No problem at all OP. YANBU

I meant to ask my 10yo what he would feel about this but forgot.

I suspect he would turn his nose up at it and say "but I wouldn't mind if you left me in X park for 3 hours" (park the other side of town where he likes going with friends to play football).

Personally though I wouldn't leave him in the park (or library) for 3 hours whilst going to work.

I did ask DP what he felt abut the OP's library plan and he gave it a big "No" too (yet interestingly he's much more for giving the DC freedom than I am)

I'm sure your DD will be fine and 3 hours isn't really that long in a week. When DS1 was 10 or 11 I used to drop him at the library on a Saturday afternoon so he could read/change his books etc and I would go to a café a bit further up the street. He would then join me when he was ready - and this was usually at 4pm when the library closed. If I'd taken him in the morning, he would have been there all day!

At that age we lived out in the sticks but would go shopping in Leicester on Saturdays. I would go off and do shopping/visit the museums on my own every time and just meet my parents for lunch. Then go off again for the afternoon.

We are massively overprotective of this generation of children and are doing them no favours at all (and I include myself in that).