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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Jomato · 03/06/2015 09:45

I don't know whether to laugh or cry about the idea that children's services would be interested in this. Do those implying that this neglect have any idea of the realities that some children live with, day in day out? This is a parent who has carefully risk assessed the situation, knows her child and has a plan in place in case of emergency. Let's try to keep calm.

ALovelyTrain · 03/06/2015 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Muchimuchi · 03/06/2015 09:55

I wouldn't leave my almost 11 year old DS in the library for 3 hours, but only because he would get bored after an hour then start wandering around the place he is also a very anxious child and would probably look lost and abandoned! At 10 I used to take myself off to the library for hours, I was a proper book worm and it was my most favourite place to go, I wasnt a nuisance I genuinly just sat and read books i loved it. So basically it depends on the child, and OP knows hers best, I'm sure she wouldn't even consider it if she thought her child wouldn't cope with it.

CoogerAndDark · 03/06/2015 09:56

Some libraries are too small or the space not set up for a clearly defined area, grannytomine. Or rather the space is defined but it's not always possible to prevent overspill from other areas. With public PCs right next to the children's area you will sometimes get behaviour that impacts on the right to enjoyment of the space of other library users. You can't say children shouldn't be exposed to that without a parent to cover their ears and whisk them away, you should be tackling the behaviour for the benefit of all.

The least 'safe' atmosphere in a children's area I came across was in an old building where it was across a corridor from the main bit of the library. It wasn't possible to staff it all the time and although checks were made periodically it was a bit of a nightmare having to judge if the lone adult in there needed an eye keeping on them. It was mainly kept for browsing stock and the nominated Homework Table was put in the main room.

grannytomine · 03/06/2015 10:04

Thanks CoogerAndDark. I used a big city library when I was a kid and it was a whole floor and it had librarians who stayed on that floor. Actually I started using that library when I was 11 and went to grammar school, before that I used an old Victorian library where it was a separate room off the main library. Of course computers weren't an issue then. If we went in the adults section we would be asked what we were doing and I don't remember ever seeing a lone adult in there. Maybe we all followed rules in the 50s and 60s.

I'd forgotten the homework table.

Bakeoffcake · 03/06/2015 10:15

SS wouldn't be interested in a 10 year old being in a library, on their own for 3 hours, once a week.

People do realise children's services and libraries are run by the same people- the council. The council isn't likely to tell their libraries they can let unaccompanied 8 year olds in, then tell their Childrens services they should be concerned about an unaccompanied 10 year old.

Bakeoffcake · 03/06/2015 10:16

And have any of you watched Matlida, she was 5!! Wink

Metalguru · 03/06/2015 10:39

silly you seem way over invested in this! I think your many bad experiences in your own work have clouded your judgement (constant contact with social services to name but one, really?) you do not know this library, but OP does. OP says it will be for three hours once a week, you imply she must be lying as no job can be for that amount of time. OP says she let's her dd go swimming, spend time at the park, and stay home alone, but prefers to be within ten minutes of her. You decide that means dd has not had enough freedom to be in a library alone. OP says dd will have money for drink and snack in the cafe but you keep repeating that dd will not. E able to leave the library as she had nowhere else to go. OP does not ask for comment on her job performance, but you decide to comment that she cannot possibly be doing a good job if she can hear her phone, and "should be focusing on work" You call her selfish for deciding to listen to the majority on this thread, rather than listen to you repeating the same comments over and over!

Why should her dd have to go to Mcdonalds or tesco or after school club when she would rather go the library? Libraries are public places, funded by the taxpayer, and as long as it is dds's choice (and it sounds very much that it is) then she is perfectly entitled to make that choice!

OP yanbu.

happygirl87 · 03/06/2015 10:46

OP YANBU
Bakeoff surely you mean Matilda?! Wink

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 03/06/2015 10:54

Norbert - thank you so much for soliciting your male partner's view on my plans. I always feel that the opinions of MNetters' husbands add a degree of authority to a discussion.

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 03/06/2015 11:00

OP yanbu.

You have been QUITE clear that the issue for you is NOT her being 'watched' by other adults or even staying in the same place 'under their care' by default - it is being CLOSE TO YOU. You're happy for her to look after herself, to go the café by herself... but if anything were wrong she would be able to call you and you'd be able to meet her within a few minutes instead of being a drive away. Plus issues such as house catching fire/tap flooding/some other home emergency arising are solved. You're not expecting library staff to have any more of a duty of care towards her than any other service user.

Not sure what official policy is on 10yr olds being unaccompanied in library, but if no clear instruction, I don't see how they can object. However, I would probably contact them and say that during the holidays your DD would like to spend time in the library alone on a regular basis and do they have a problem? I WOULDN'T say you will be nearby at work - that is none of their business, but would say that she has asked to be allowed to do this and you are prepared to as you will be a maximum of ten minutes away, and you are keen to encourage controlled independence like this (which is what it is, and good for your DD I think!). See what they say.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 03/06/2015 11:05

Metalguru - thank you for that succinct response to Silly, I was losing the will to live trying to correct her assumptions. Anyone would think she was being deliberately obtuse Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 03/06/2015 11:12

The library is fabulous. Open plan downstairs with designated children's area in view of the main desk. it's been designed to encourage the community to use and enjoy it. The staff - paid, not volunteers, are welcoming and informative. Locals know how lucky they are to have it and respect it. And I can guarantee there will be lots of Mums Netters there Wink

OP posts:
CrabbyTheCrabster · 03/06/2015 11:15

Metal well said!

oddfodd · 03/06/2015 11:18

LoveandPeace - you are very funny :o

Your library sounds lovely :)

AndyWarholsOrange · 03/06/2015 12:14

At last some sense is being talked on this thread. And very good point that the SS dept being alerted about the danger of an unattended 10 year old in a library is run by the same council that says children over 8 can attend unaccompanied Confused
It's been a real eye opener just how dangerous public libraries are what with all these paedophiles, mentally ill people, drug addicts etc not to mention the risk of serious injury. I just read in our local paper that out library have their own dedicated Police helicopter and air ambulance, that's how bad things have got.

Icimoi · 03/06/2015 12:15

I can't imagine SS would be much interested if I was late picking DS up from his day nursery, but it's still what their policy says they'll do if they can't get hold of me and I'm late.

It may be the nursery's policy to call them. It certainly doesn't mean that it is SS's policy to drop everything and go to the nursery every time a parent is late collecting.

ALovelyTrain · 03/06/2015 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoogerAndDark · 03/06/2015 12:24

Oooh, keep your eyes open for an AIBU about the Negelcted Child happily reading and computering and cafe-ing, Gonk Grin

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 03/06/2015 13:32

Grin Cooger

OP posts:
tilder · 03/06/2015 14:36

Congratulations on the job. Exciting times. Sorting out childcare can be a nightmare, especially when its for a short time.

FWIW, yes you do know your daughter best and am sure she is sensible. But am afraid I think there is a difference between children being in the library and able to leave when they want and what you would like to do.

Essentially you are looking for somewhere no more than 10 minutes from your place of work where you feel your daughter will be safe and happy for three hours. You are not comfortable with her being at home as that is too far but feel the library is suitable.

Fine, but you are relying on other adults to make sure it is safe and suitable. Does this mean we can all do this? Libraries are not childcare and that is what you want to use it for.

As an aside, is there a public loo she could use? Or would she have to use the cafe loo?

Icimoi · 03/06/2015 15:07

tilder, we've been round the points you make more than once. OP isn't relying on other adults, and she doesn't want the library staff to provide child care. Her dd can leave to go to the café, and if she has any major problem with staying then she can phone her mother. The library is suitable essentially because it's somewhere her daughter likes going to and there is plenty to keep her occupied there. Which is what it's for.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 03/06/2015 15:10

The library has a loo. The cafe has a loo.

With regards to the rest of your post, read the thread!

And thanks for the congrats. I am excited and nervous about returning to work but really pleased with the job I've found.

OP posts:
Tizwailor · 03/06/2015 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tilder · 03/06/2015 15:21

I have actually read the thread. I just happen to have a different view point. Although I did miss that the library has its own public loo.

I completely see that you aren't relying directly on other adults for your childs security. You are relying indirectly though.

I look forward to the ne,t school holidays. My preschooler will go to a childminder, my under 8 school age child to a holiday club..and my over 8 (who is a sensible bookworm) to the library. With dozens of similar children.