Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

I can sympathise because I'd rather have a table to myself than have to share with a stranger, although if I was working I could probably try and forget they were there. If the cafe was busy then I would feel guilty if I refused to let someone next to me. I would also expect to be able to share someone else's table if there were no free tables. It would be unfair to hog a table for a long time while other people came in and couldn't sit down.

It would probably have been slightly preferable if he'd asked if he could sit down rather than asking if the chairs were free, as that could suggest that he just wanted to take a chair over to his own table.

Not entirely serious? Does that mean you are open to the idea that I MIGHT have more superior opinions

Is anyone sitting here? Unless someone is in the loo or at the counter the answer is No.

In which case the customer with the hot coffee can sit there. End of. And provided that customer does not take an excessive share of the table it is not an invasion of space to do so, whatever the first customer "feels". It's not a subjective question. Sitting at the table and taking a fair share of the space is what cafes are for.

If a cafe is busy I would expect that someone else may sit on my table, especially is it's a big table and I'm on my own.

You may need to try and find other places to go and see how you feel. My local library is quiet downstairs but upstairs where PCs are there is much more background noise. Why not see if you can try the library again?

No, I'm very closed minded on that idea.

I cannot take people seriously when they state their thoughts and then say end of. It just sounds so pompous and ridiculous in my superior subjective opinion

Oh Andrew. Bless.

I can be quite chatty grin but I have to be chatted to first

Sorry gilrack for quoting myself but I used to be shy but have become one of those middle-aged women who strikes up conversations in the bus queue or checkout, compliments women on their shoes and actively tries to make babies giggle.

A British Gas man came round last week to check my boiler (ooh err).

About 10 minutes after he left I realised he probably thought I was one of lonely housewives.

Honestly, even if I was 20 years younger, he wouldn't have done anything for me.

Beside no one is really discussing physical space Andrew they're talking about personal space which IS subjective. Silly sausage

...it is not an invasion of space to do so, whatever the first customer "feels". It's not a subjective question.

Yes, it is subjective. Do you really not understand that?

I cannot take people seriously when they state their thoughts and then say end of. It just sounds so pompous and ridiculous in my superior subjective opinion

I have very black or white thinking cunty, one of my autistic traits I'm afraid. If that makes me "pompous and ridiculous" then so be it. I would rather be that than a smug, self-righteous do-gooder that slaps down any opposing view as 'offensive' or 'bullying'.

I'm with Jassy, I would definitely rather not share a table. None of that means that I am saying that I would ever prevent someone from sharing, nor would I expect them to wait to avoid the need to share. If the reality was that there were other empty tables available I would think it bad mannered of them not to use them, but even then I suspect I would be terribly British about it and tut inwardly but say nothing.

Erm that post was to andrew not you eyebags. Your lovely and all that but not everything is about you chick

'chick' ? Sexist claptrap.

ilovesooty, in first class carriages on trains they usually have the seating in configurations of groups of four seats round larger tables down one sidek and small tables with two people sitting opposite each other on the other side. You can specify which you want when booking, and thus avoid having someone sitting next to you. However, you can't avoid someone sitting opposite you, though presumably if the train isn't very full the booking system tries to avoid that.

hun?

Eyeballs: it's been explained to you a number of times why people didn't simply consider yours an 'opposing view'.

I also thought 'lame excuse' was a pretty grim turn of phrase, but perhaps I'm a self-righteous do-gooder.

I always enjoy the idea that 'do-gooder ' is an insult in our peculiar culture.

Icimoi, you have long been one of my favourite posters. This is hereby confirmed.

Indeed Jassy the notion that to do good is a bad thing is strange and not in the least bit insulting to me

Most people would rather have a table to themselves. But if the café is busy and the only option is to share a table, people will sit there. I don't see what autism, aspergers or whatever has to do with any of this.

Because autism, aspergers or whatever affects people's interpretations of social situations and sometimes people with such conditions may need clarification or explanations on socially accepted norms and how others view situations.

cuntycowfacemonkey NT people also have interpretations of social situations and sometimes also may need clarifications or explanations of the way people with autism, Asperger's or somewhere on the spectrum behave and how to view those situations.

I think we all need a bit of peace, love and understanding.

Which I think OP has mainly received.

Jassy:

I don't dispute that at all limited but posters marching on a thread and declaring the OP is an arsehole and trying make up having a condition as an excuse is an extreme and unkind interpretation and doesn't deserve much respect or understanding