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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing tables in cafés

963 replies

Athenaviolet · 01/06/2015 18:48

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

OP posts:
CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:28

Well thankfully I drive so rarely have to take the bus:)

CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:29

You wouldn't!

Binkybix · 10/06/2015 07:33

That's what I'm getting at - are you essentially saying that you'd assault someone to physically stop them getting the window seat? If not, how would you stop me climbing over you?

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:37

There is. I need to climb over - merely have the element of surprise and grab the bag and dump down the aisle. They will get up to retrieve it.
Catherine has made me determined that no one would get away with such anti social behaviour.

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:38

Sorry- stupid auto correct! Should have read - there is no need to climb over.

CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:39

No of course not however if someone climbing over me happens to touch me whether it be by accident or not and they're invading my personal space then I could just as easily Interpret that as assault!

Anyway what normal person would actually want to climb over another person just to sit down? I've got on a train and bus before when it's been quite full apart from a few bags on seats, people sitting on the outside and I've never asked anyone to move, they clearly don't want anyone to sit next to them so why should I make them feel uncomfortable.

Binkybix · 10/06/2015 07:40

Yeah I'd grab the bag first but now she has prior warning!!!

CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:40

And again you wouldn't! I may not ofically have the right to take up two seats but you definitely have nknright to touch another persons belongings!

Binkybix · 10/06/2015 07:42

No of course not however if someone climbing over me happens to touch me whether it be by accident or not and they're invading my personal space then I could just as easily Interpret that as assault!

Well, you'd be wrong. I'd be sitting down whether by moving your bag myself or climbing over you if you were determined to be that rude about it. And I'm sure the rest of the bus/train would be cheering me on.

SoldierBear · 10/06/2015 07:44

We should all be thankful you don't take the bus.
And yes, if you are physically stopping me from sitting in a vacant seat I will remove the impediment in order to compelling you to move.
There is no law saying you cannot touch another persons belongings. Don't be so silly. People touch other peoples bags all the time in passing. There is no intent to harm or steal. Just to get your seat blocking bottom out of the way.

MythicalKings · 10/06/2015 07:47

Anyway what normal person would actually want to climb over another person just to sit down?

What normal person would make that necessary? I make a point of making bag squatters move their bags. I'd say, "Excuse me", climb over you and sit on your bag. And laugh. Then I'd take a bow while the other pssengers applauded.

There are some real weirdos on this thread. Maybe they should live in little bubbles.

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:47

Of course the rest of the passengers would cheer you on! If a person was being so rude I would get the driver or ticket inspector to remove them or charge them full price for the bag's seat.

This is the silliest argument I have heard. Lots of times people put bags on seats- I do myself- but they have to move if asked. I always ask and they always move them.

You have no right to take two seats so it us a bit rich saying no one has the right to touch your bag! I would dump it first and we could argue about rights afterwards.

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:49

I don't think that anyone has been up in court for putting someone's bag in a more convenient place.

CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:51

Ok then I'd pay double the fare if necessary infact I'd pay anything not to sit next to blatant attention seekers like yourself, "you'd have all the bus cheering you on" do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:51

The Internet can be a sheer waste of time! I can't believe that I am having such a stupid argument when Catherine is clearly a complete wind up.

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:53

My last word- ' the pot calling the kettle.....' Catherine. I don't believe that you are doing anything more than having a bit of fun and wasting our time.
All your posts are completely ridiculous.

CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:54

I assure you it's not a wind up, I simply don't like people I don't know sitting next to me on public transport or in cafes and no one will force to me to do so.

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 07:55

I would however enjoy meeting you on a train or bus and winning! ( I would win)

CatherineU · 10/06/2015 07:57

Omg you wouldn't!

SoldierBear · 10/06/2015 07:59

Catherine - everyone thinks you are being ridiculous.
If you actually have a problem with normal human behaviour then you really need to get some help.
If you are just being a wind up merchant, try harder.
We should christen the "bag move technique for seat hoggers" after you.
Btw, 2 tickets on a bus do not entitle you to two seats. It isn't rational to think a bag gets priority over a person

SoldierBear · 10/06/2015 08:01

I too would love to meet you and would have no qualms about removing your bag from a seat you are preventing me from using.
Nobody is going to defend your actions. Regular commuters would have no truck with your childish antics

Mehitabel6 · 10/06/2015 08:02

Bag dumped elsewhere and job done.
I would suggest professional help for your problems- if not a wind up.

ilovesooty · 10/06/2015 08:10

Can't believe anyone would really assert their perceived right not to have anyone sitting in the seat next to them on public transport. It's ludicrous.

fakenamefornow · 10/06/2015 08:16

Just out of interest Catherine, do you always buy two plane tickets, if not, how do you manage? I guess you don't fly for work because I can't imagine any employers saying'yes of course we'll pay for two seats'

findingmyfeet12 · 10/06/2015 08:38

I always put my bag on a seat (to keep it clean). If I see people getting on a train I move it in anticipation. I wouldn't even want someone to have to ask me.

Catherine I think you're mistaken to assume that you have a right to hog two seats. I'm afraid that your argument wouldn't hold water with a train or bus company. Unlike the cafe issue, there really is no ambiguity in relation to seating on public transport.