Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

Is there any chance that you can realise that you are unreasonable and have an antisocial attitude? You are prepared to deny someone a service that they have paid for because you view yourself as more important than anyone else around you.

This does remind me of an EasyJet flight several years ago when the chap next to me fell asleep for about an hour with his head resting on my shoulder.

I'm so pleased I'm the person I am and allowed him to do it. He was clearly very tired and it didn't particularly bother me (except for a dead shoulder)

Maybe I should open a café

No, there is no chance no

How do you explain then that it is reasonable and not antisocial to refuse to allow a person to sit down in a spare seat? Without referring to your needs being more important than anyone else.

I suppose I can't explain. It may be selfish but like I said I don't feel comfortable and unless the law says I have to do something then i won't.

Catherine could get a job at Jaleh's cafe, keeping undesirable (aka ordinary, inoffensive, minding their own business) men away from women with her uncompromising stance.

For the avoidance of doubt, your behaviour is very rude and incredibly anti social. it is also fairly high risk to behave in such a way to a stranger you decide you don't like the look of. One of them might decide he or she does not like the look of you or your attitude and decide to take action.

A little politeness and consideration goes a long way.

unless the law says I have to do something then i won't
what a bizzare approach to take on life. Unless you are forced by law to be a polite and sociable, you refuse to do so?Alrighty then.

How exactly would you stop someone taking the seat next to you on public transport? I'm intrigued.

The law might not tell you to give up your seat but the train/bus company could very well ask you to give up your seat or leave.

What a strange thread! If there was a spare seat next to you on a train or bus Catherine I would take it! Tough.

I'm really struggling to imagine the barefaced cheek and arrogance of someone who'd actually flatly refuse to move their bag to allow someone to sit down on a bus or train.

I only ever meet reasonable people on public transport. I quite like the thought of meeting someone who thinks they won't move their bag and doing battle! I should move it for them and sit down - or treat them like a toddler and give them the choice - 1 move it -2 I sit on it.
People put their bag on the seat in the hope that you won't ask, but I have always found that although they sigh a lot they move it if you just stand and wait.

She puts it on the inside seat. Presumably you'd have to climb over her.

Oh - I missed that. People generally have them on the outside, probably because they realise they will have to move it, they just want empty ones to fill up first. I should therefore ask politely and then get the ticket inspector and insist that she makes a space.

You can't do that on a bus though so that probably means she gets away with it.

The law might not tell you to give up your seat but the train/bus company could very well ask you to give up your seat or leave.

Indeed they could. In fact, if you refused to allow me to sit in a vacant seat next to you then I'd encourage your removal from the train or bus. Ideally this banishment would occur in the middle of nowhere with an extremely irregular service. That way you could at least guarantee a lengthy period of solitude.

I suppose the only thing to do under the circumstances would be to lean over, pick up the bag and deposit it elsewhere. That should have the desired effect of making getting the seat hogging arse out of the seat, thus leaving it available for fare paying passengers.

Luckily I've never come across such a stupid tactic. I suspect this is a wind up, because no adult could possibly indulge in such ridiculous behaviour and think it was a rational way to behave.

I have never seen such ridiculous behaviour either and doubt it ever happens. It must be a wind up. I suppose the answer would be to grab the bag and put it elsewhere forcing them to get up to retrieve it. Saying 'well your bag hasn't paid a fare'.
I am getting a train later in the month and I had to book a seat with it therefore Catherine would have to put up with the one next to her booked. It gives a choice of coach, aisle, window, table, quiet etc but no choice of getting an unoccupied seat next to you.

One thing is for sure- I am not prepared to stand while someone hogs an empty seat!

Great minds, Mehtabel!
Grab the bag and force the seat hogger to move.
Deliberately obstructive behaviour for no reason other than selfishness need not be tolerated.

Thanks for the idea Soldierbear! I doubt if I shall ever need it but it is the obvious answer.

Trust me you wouldn't! I always sit on the outside seat so you would literally have to climb over me to me get to the other seat.

It gives a choice of coach, aisle, window, table, quiet etc but no choice of getting an unoccupied seat next to you.

Surely the choice is "coach, aisle, window, table, next to Catherine". I'd pick next to Catherine just to piss her off.

On our buses poor Catherine would have to move or get off, the drivers don't take any precious shit from passsengers.