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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing tables in cafés

963 replies

Athenaviolet · 01/06/2015 18:48

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

OP posts:
mileend2bermondsey · 09/06/2015 21:13

I don't think I'm better than anyone else no, I don't want anyone sitting next to me whether they be a man, woman etc so it's not like I'm being particular
Thats not what I said though is it? You think that other people should have to 'share their personal space' before you because, why? Because youre better/more worthy thran them?

PrivatePike · 09/06/2015 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatherineU · 09/06/2015 21:14

For a disabled person, pregnant woman yes in an instant but it would depend for an elderly person. If they were obviously frail then yes I'd move but I'd get up and stand up but if they were anything like my grandma who's in her late 70's and is still doing half marathons and is fitter than most 30 year olds then no i wouldn't move.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/06/2015 21:14

Wow, just wow

mileend2bermondsey · 09/06/2015 21:14

I'm sociable with people I know
But rude and unpleasant with everyone else. Got it.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2015 21:15

Do you buy a ticket for your bag then?

PrivatePike · 09/06/2015 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/06/2015 21:16

If they bounded onto the bus/train they are probably pretty fit

TheFallenMadonna · 09/06/2015 21:17

Just to be clear, you would refuse to move your bag off a seat for a septuagenarian?

PrivatePike · 09/06/2015 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/06/2015 21:17

So if the man did weigh 25st, does this mean he's less entitled to occupy a public seat, Catherine?

CultureSucksDownWords · 09/06/2015 21:19

Catherine, have you really refused to move when someone has asked to sit in the available seat? In my experience on trains people tend just to say "excuse me" and gesture that they mean they would like to sit down. And then everyone that I have ever witnessed on a train has then moved and allowed them to sit down.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/06/2015 21:19

Having just skimmed through the thread - I would really love to visit a café run by Jaleh - with most seats forbidden to occupancy, wonder how long it will be in business.

PrivatePike · 09/06/2015 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 09/06/2015 21:30
Grin
CharlieAustinsMagicHat · 09/06/2015 21:32

I am greatly enjoying this thread.

CatherineU · 09/06/2015 21:32

I've already said I've refused to move on more than one occasion. The seats on public transport especially are close together and I don't want some stranger leaning on me, it would make me feel uncomfortable.

PrivatePike · 09/06/2015 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/06/2015 21:36

I bet Jaleh is relieved that you've taken the heat off her for a bit.

CultureSucksDownWords · 09/06/2015 21:37

So your uncomfortableness is more important than someone else who has paid for their ticket and has a right to expect to sit down in an available seat? As people have already said, this is antisocial.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2015 21:38

You still haven't said whether you buy a ticket for your bag.

mileend2bermondsey · 09/06/2015 21:38

I don't want some stranger leaning on me, it would make me feel uncomfortable
Whereas I on the otherhand, love having a stranger leaning on me! No one likes it!!!!!! But as a reasonable human I accept that I may have to sit next to someone on public transport. Rather than being so selfish and self centred that I'd rather they stand up than have the possibility of their arm brushing mine.

CatherineU · 09/06/2015 21:38

To me, yes it is more important.

ilovesooty · 09/06/2015 21:39

Breathtaking.

findingmyfeet12 · 09/06/2015 21:40

It's the accepted norm to give up a seat on public transport. As you're the one with the problem, you ought to move and give up both seats.