Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

Omg I'm not unpleasant OR anti social. I'm sociable with people I know or who I'm getting to know and I'm pleasant most of the time to be honest however I don't feel comfortable allowing random strangers to invade my personal space.

The seat next to you is 'your personal space?' Seriously?

You can't compare tables in a cafe to public transport. It is the accepted norm on public transport that seats should be made available for people to sit in and you can't claim an entire double seat.

Cafe etiquette is less clear - hence the lengthy debate here.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else no, I don't want anyone sitting next to me whether they be a man, woman etc so it's not like I'm being particular.

The other seat on public transport is not your personal space, unless you purchased a ticket for your bag.

The seat on public transport might not be mine but I hate it when other people sit right up next to me and I can literally feel all their lumps and bumps, I've had this happen to me many a time that's why now I completely refuse to move.

Catherine must be a troll.

I don't think anyone can be so breathtakingly unaware.

Anti social behaviour Catherine

How is there? I've said I don't want a stranger sitting next to me in cafes or on public transport, I obviously wouldn't have a problem with friends and family doing so.

Yes Sooty, It was very obvious that the story changed to suddenly become gender neutral when in its original incarnation it was all about men harassing women , aka sitting at the same table, and with the possibility of being forcibly removed by security for being disrespectful.

Refusing to move a bag from a bus seat is incredibly anti social. And rude. One day somebody will plonk their butt down on it.

Would you move for anyone ever? A heavily pregnant woman? An elderly and frail person? Someone with an obvious physical disability? Or can they all just sod off because you don't like your personal space invaded! A spare seat is not yours to act as a buffer to protect you from, shudder, the general public...

I'd like to see you try to prevent me from taking an empty seat or one that you'd put your bag on.

I'm not a troll, I'm just being completely honest in how i feel, and yes, when you've got a 25st man sat squished in the corner next to you (which did actually happen!) then it isn't comfortable.

I was in an almost empty cafe the other day when a man asked if he could share my table for two. It was bizarre. We were surrounded by empty tables. He proceeded to conduct some business on his phone and glare at me at intervals, presumably for listening to his conversations. Anyway, I said he could share, even in those circs.

When does a lump become a bump or vice versa?

Lumpy and definitely bumpy! I'd like to have seen Catherine try to stop me from sitting in the spare seat next to her when I was 37 weeks pregnant and having been at work all day on my feet.

Wow, did he tell you he was 25st whilst he was squashing you?

It happens to us all Carherine but the rest of us just accept it as par for the course when you're a member of a diverse society.