Sharing tables in cafés

[Athenaviolet]

I'm genuinely not sure if IABU here.

I was in a cafe today. It was quite busy. Tbh if I'd known it was going to be busy I'd have gone elsewhere. My reason for going wasn't for the food & drink but for somewhere to sit to look up jobs on my phone, take notes etc. I wanted to sit for a couple of hours and it cost £6 for the privilege which I could do with not spending. There's tension in the house atm so don't feel comfortable there.

After I'd finished my sandwich but was still drinking my juice (in a transparent bottle so was obviously not finished) an older man came over to my table and asked if anyone was using the spare seats. I said no because that was the truth but it made me extremely uncomfortable him sitting next to me. I found it really hard to concentrate and left before I otherwise would have. (I have autistic traits so find 'social' situations difficult) I spent the next hour driving about in the rain.

Was he being unreasonable 'invading' my space? I was in his situation the other day and I just stood and waited for a free table. I think this is the polite thing to do.

Could I have said "please don't sit there while I'm still having my order"?

I'm very uncertain in these sort of social dilemmas. Imo when I'm paying (the extra) for a sit in meal part of what I'm paying for is 'the experience' of a table to sit in peace at. If I was just hungry I'd just go to a drive through.

Oh I hate those sofa tables, too low to eat at. I get panini crumbs in my cleavage, so no lilac, that's probably a seat I wouldn't take, but only because I don't like eating at sofas

Aunt not just me with the panini bits all over my boobs then. Worst was a long string of melted cheese which I didn't notice until I got back to the office. Not linked to Jimmy Carr incident.

Fast day Glad I'm not the only messy eater. I take your melted cheese and raise you rice salad particles, nestled in crook of scarf and dried on. Discovered after a whole dat at work. Looked like well... Something not v pleasant!! (And earlier I ask why no one will sit with me )

LilacWine7 I would call your bluff by sitting down and promising to stand up when the third arrived!

I'd never thought of this one...I love it.

Aunt I'd still sit with you!

'I've never met anyone who refused to allow me to sit in the unoccupied seat at their table quite frankly. I didn't know such people even existed prior to reading posts from you, Lilac
Hopefully I don't live anywhere near you.'

Hear hear!

Christ on a bike. The other chair at a table with two chairs is part of your personal space? You'd have a quiet word with a member of staff, explain a man had joined you uninvited, and that you felt intimidated?

You're the one with a screw loose going by your posts.

I bet the Victirians didn't have this kind if crap. All cafés in their day probably had signs saying "no unaccompanied gentlemen allowed" or "area reserved for ladies"

Ladies probably weren't allowed in Victorian Starbucks, Olive. They'd have had the vapours at the thought of even setting foot in a place frequented by men.

If anyone sat at my table when I'd said the seat is taken, I'd think they had a screw loose or very poor social skills.

Oh the irony.

I wouldn't stand to drink my coffee if there were free seats at tables. It's bonkers to suggest it's the right thing to do.

Utterly daft.

I often think that MN is a parallel universe.
I doubt if Lilac even sees the irony of her post!

This thread is really something else.

If I am with someone one gets the table first and the other queues. I don't worry if I am on my own because I can find a free seat on an occupied table. If it isn't bluff, and someone turns up I can move.
There seems to be a huge problem on MN with cafes and yet I use them frequently and have never had a problem, even when busy.

It is what makes MN such fun, prorsum.

I must admit I flounced out of a Starbucks in London on Saturday. There was a free table, but no chairs. There were a load of men in there all lap-topping away and several were using the chairs as additional tables for all their tech. I asked one man if I could have a chair to sit on (at my own table), and he said no, it was being used. Being used by a charging phone!! I just gave him a Paddington stare and stalked out. I don't think he cared, though.

(Perhaps if I were young and gorgeous I might have won the chair...)

Brenda, that's awful. I'd have said 'No it isn't. Please move your phone so I can take the chair; I need it to sit on you arsehole.'

Mehitabel6 Fun in an American Horror Story way, yes.

Quite addictive, prorsum- I constantly think 'where do these people live?' - why do I never meet them? A fascinating glimpse into mindsets.

If there are other seats free for him in the place, it's fine to say no! Invent some friends or DH arriving shortly if you feel awkward doing it.

If there are no other seats for him, then share.

Also there is nothing wrong with nursing a drink for ages while a cafe is relatively empty, it doesn't harm business at all if the cafe looks like it is being used. While the place is full though, it is better to buy stuff or leave so someone else can.

Brenda, agreed - what an arsehole. I would have asked staff to procure a chair, or as Lovers said, just asked him to move his phone.

Mehitabel, I wonder if people are more strident on MN than in RL? There would be no end of daytime affrays in town centres up & down the land otherwise.

I am going out for a coffee in town now. I will report back...

Brenda I would have told him that chairs are for bums, not phones, please move it, I am going to sit down. I am equal-opps assertive.

Very true, AuntOlive.

Olive, I hope you're wearing full body armour and packing an arsenal of useful printed cards.

If you come back alive, let us know.