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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to this holiday?

78 replies

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 31/05/2015 20:03

Ex just informed me on collecting DD that he's booked a holiday next year in Sharm el Sheikh? No discussion, nothing & DD is all excited. I'm bloody furious. I've now been put in the position of saying no & of course DD will just see me being mean & spoiling their big adventure

I'd never go there, not in the current climate & I'm not happy to let DD go either. Googling for current information is not easing any concerns I have & I'm bloody furious at being put in this position.

So. AIBU to say no to this? He'd need my permission to take her so I can stop it if I choose.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 31/05/2015 20:06

Is it the political situation? Sharm is over by the red sea, and away from Cairo etc.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 31/05/2015 20:08

There isn't any trouble in Sharm. It's a purpose build, security full holiday destination.

Why would you stop your dd having a holiday with her father?

redskybynight · 31/05/2015 20:10

Security is really high in Sharm and it's not on the "don't travel to" list. I'm not sure why you have particular concerns?,

Icimoi · 31/05/2015 20:11

Foreign Office advice:

The area to which the FCO advise against all but essential travel does not include the tourist areas along the Nile river (eg Luxor, Qina, Aswan, Abu Simbel and the Valley of the Kings) or the Red Sea Resorts of Sharm El Sheikh and Hurghada.

YABU.

Stinkersmum · 31/05/2015 20:11

Yabu. Sharm is perfectly safe. If you throw a spanner, you'll just look bitter and spiteful. How old is dd?

thenightsky · 31/05/2015 20:12

YABU.

theendoftheendoftheend · 31/05/2015 20:12

I'd want to say no too

Original poster
TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 31/05/2015 20:12

Partly yes. It's not just away from all the chaos - it's subject to heightened security as a result of the situation elsewhere in Egypt. Foreign office advice does state resorts frequented by British tourist are or can be targeted etc. I just feel really uneasy about saying yes to this - he knew I'd object cos we've had the discussion before & I told him then I'd not let her go there - that was about 2 yrs ago. The fact he's just booked it, got DD all excited & put me in the position of saying no to her is what makes me angry too.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 31/05/2015 20:13

YABU, he's her parent too. Do you ask him before you book something?

Original poster
TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 31/05/2015 20:14

Ex I wouldn't stop DD having a holiday with her dad. I wouldn't agree to that destination. Different thing entirely.

OP posts:
Original poster
TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 31/05/2015 20:14

Yes agent, I do, out of courtesy amongst other reasons.

OP posts:
Pigriver · 31/05/2015 20:15

I agree with other posters that there really is minimal risk in Sharm. Flights go straight there and it is totally set up for tourists. I think saying no would only upset your DD
Also, do you have shared parental responsibility? I find it strange that your ex isn't allowed to make decisions regarding his child's safety. Yes I agree that it should have been discussed but why is your opinion more important than his? It also seems unfair that one parent can stop the other (seems this could be abused in some cases to point score).

SnowyPiglet · 31/05/2015 20:15

Errrr...... What exactly is wrong with Sharm? If the main holiday companies go there (and they do), surely it is safe. If there's a problem, they will pull out, won't they?
So, yes, YABU. Both for saying No, and for being 'bloody furious'.

Stinkersmum · 31/05/2015 20:16

How old is dd? I've friends who gave visited sharm 3 times in the past three months. It's safe! I live in the middle east. I'm very aware of where is dangerous and where isn't. Sharm is not dangerous.

OwlinaTree · 31/05/2015 20:16

You need to chat to him again I guess, see what he says. It might be he will agree to change the booking if he can see it's genuinely upsetting you. You will need to have some viable alternatives to suggest and offer to contribute to taking her somewhere you don't object to, which still meets the criteria of holiday they want.

pictish · 31/05/2015 20:17

I think yabu.

exLtEveDallasNoBollocks · 31/05/2015 20:19

Would you have stopped him taking her to Paris or Australia?

The FCO has said that all foreign destinations are dangerous for Brits - so would you stop him taking her to Spain? Portugal? Lanzarote?

Look, I understand the nerves, but he's her dad. He's no more likely to want to put her in danger than you are.

Sidge · 31/05/2015 20:19

Well there are better places to take your kids IMO. Sharm is a hole, and depending what time of year you go can be overwhelmingly hot.

But YABU to say no, he's her dad and has as much right to take her on holiday as you do. It might not be your choice but as it's not on the FCO no-go list I don't really think you've got grounds to refuse. It's not like he's taking her to Somalia or something.

SnowyPiglet · 31/05/2015 20:21

Just read your next post. Must admit if you had had the discussion before and he then and went and booked it anyway I'd be pissed off too. But really, the chance of anything bad happening to your DD is extremely remote.

Drowsybutawake · 31/05/2015 20:26

Of course YANBU I am so surprised none of the other posters agree. Your ex has no right to book a holiday without checking with you first.

Safety in Sharm el Sheikh is a red herring. The point is that co-parenting should be about respect and communication and your ex has shown neither by booking the holiday in such a sneaky way.

My parents were divorced growing up and my brother and I never went on overseas holidays together because my parents didn't like the idea of both their kids being away at the same time in case anything went wrong. Always seemed silly to me but I respected their feelings.

Fluffcake · 31/05/2015 20:28

Yanbu to expect your ex to discuss holiday destination when you have already expressed an opinion. However, we went to Dahab last August, which is about an hour's drive from Sharm and outside of the protectorate of Sharm. There was lots of security - they desperately need the tourists and very protective of them. We felt perfectly safe. Keep an eye on the fco website, if things get bad, the tour operator will cancel the holiday.

bumpertobumper · 31/05/2015 20:29

it's for next year - a LOT can change politically in a year. My advice would be to wait and see what the situation is nearer e the time rather than make a fits about it now which could well be redundant when the time comes - things might be much worse in which case you will have a strong position and he won't want to go anyway; or it could all be fine and you won't mind...

OwlinaTree · 31/05/2015 20:30

Has he booked it in a sneaky way? How much do you have to check these things? I don't remember my parents checking it was OK to book a holiday somewhere with each other when they took us away. Probably had to tell each other so they wouldn't go for the same time. Mind you we only went to Wales so not much danger there!

ArcheryAnnie · 31/05/2015 20:30

I wouldn't let my DS go to Skegness without his dad discussing it with me first. I have parental responsibility, and custody, and although I have gone to considerable trouble and effort to make sure DS has a good relationship with his dad, I do get to have a say in major decisions including where DS goes on holiday.

That's the thing I'd have a problem with your ex, that he's just gone and done something with no consultation at all.

Hillingdon · 31/05/2015 20:31

I might sound harsh but you seem to have the issue with your ex. There are terrorist activities everywhere. London is a prime target. Just let him go otherwise you will sound bitter and twisted.

Sorry!