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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make 'stuff'

228 replies

Tinklewinkle · 31/05/2015 15:09

I had a bit of a...I wouldn't call it an argument really...with a friend last night. I know I shouldn't let it upset me, or pay it any attention, but I've been stewing on it a bit and I am quite upset about it.

I've been hunting for a rug for DD's bedroom, but we couldn't really find anything that DD liked, was the size we wanted and wasn't silly £££.

I like craft (sewing, knitting, crochet, etc) and find sitting still in front of the TV quite hard so need something to fiddle with and usually knit or crochet. I've just made some granny square blankets and am over knitting at the moment, so I thought I'd have a go at making a rag rug. It's the ultimate in mindless craft, I can do a bit each evening with one eye on Eastenders and not have to concentrate on it too much.

Anyway, friends were over last night, their kids play with ours, we get a takeaway and usually have a nice evening. Friend came in and clocked the half done rug folded up over the arm of the sofa.

She asked what I was making now, with a bit of eye rolling, said I was having a go at making a rag rug, she was a bit "oh, FFS Hmm" I just laughed it off, and said "oh, you know what I'm like" and left it at that

A bit later she bought the subject of the rug up again and had a huge go at me about it. "Why can't I just buy a rug like normal people?", that I'm making my kids a laughing stock with all the handmade stuff "what's wrong with Disney Princess/Frozen/whatever stuff", why do I always have to be different and that it's intensely irritating that I'm so arty farty about everything

I said that I enjoyed making stuff and the kids had never complained about anything I'd made them (I don't make clothes, I'm rubbish at dress making, but I like messing about with stuff like bunting and cushions and house-y guff)

Initially, I was a bit "fuck off and mind your own business" but like I say, I've been stewing a bit and am a bit upset by it. It feels like a huge criticism of me if that makes sense. And, the kids/laughing stock comment has cut a bit.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 01/06/2015 12:14

See, that's what I find so odd about this whole thing.

I don't bang on about it. I belong to a couple of groups, I have like minded friends who I can gossip about fabric or knitting yarn to. I don't really talk about anything like that. I know she's not interested. I wouldn't make her anything as I know she'd hate it

When I'd finished my craft shed she asked to see it. She unfolded my rug from the arm of the chair and asked me about it. I suppose I could have put it away, but I was working on it and it's my bloody house, why should I hide stuff

It's like she's actually looking for something to criticise me for.

It felt like I've always annoyed her, and she's tolerated my foibles like she's doing me a massive favour, but has finally had enough. Well, fuck off, this is me and if you don't like it, tough

She always been lovely, a bit rolly eyed maybe and sometimes a bit impatient, but this was really quite surprising. I never realised you could annoy someone so much with bunting Grin

OP posts:
JoffreyBaratheonFirstofHisName · 01/06/2015 12:16

You've probably hit a nerve - maybe she grew up loathing her grandma for knitting her orange acrylic jumpers or something. ;o)

Years ago my feminist friends used to actually try to stop me knitting! Now they accept that I see it as a feminist statement!

flora717 · 01/06/2015 12:16

I get a fair bit of negativity from some about making things (mostly the comments are about costumes for DD's, school etc). I don't get why, it's weird I'm either "showing off" (really not, I know I'm improving but realistically I'm average), or being tight (actually, no and I'd be embarrassed to admit total costs sometimes Blush).
I'd happily squee over anyone's creation; I particularly enjoy adapting patterns and ideas, I love the infinite variety that results Smile sod the miserable friend, leave her to an ordered mass produced exsistence. Perhaps she is very lacking in the confidence to stand out!

badtime · 01/06/2015 12:28

I agree with the people who say that your friend is jealous, perhaps not for the things or even for the skills, but for the fact that you have something to do that you enjoy and that you are independent-minded enough to do these things even if she thinks it it ridiculous (when she is clearly more sheepy, and does what she thinks she 'should' be doing). I also think that, in her heart of hearts, she knows that most people would admire your output, which would make her even more jealous.

For all the people on the thread saying they wish they could do crafts, you should give it a go. There are so many different things to do with so many different materials that even the most cack-handed person can find some way to make lovely things. I am pretty lacking in manual dexterity but I can knit and crochet (knitting in particular is quite forgiving and easy to choose your own level for).

What's the worst that could happen?

badtime · 01/06/2015 12:32

OP, perhaps your friend would like some bunting like this.

Original poster
Tinklewinkle · 01/06/2015 12:46

I want that bunting!

I made some rude bunting last year. Another friend has a pathological hatred for those little wooden signs you get for bathrooms that say "bathe" or whatever and always joked that she wanted ones that said "piss" or "shit" so I made her some bunting with it on as a joke and she hung it up in her ensuite

And I agree about giving it a go, knitting is quite simple and if you fuck up the tension or whatever it's easily sorted by blocking it

I've never been able to make costumes or clothes, so my kids have never had home made costumes, we've had our fair share of princess tat floating about

And no, I think if I'd bought the rug from somewhere she wouldn't be so annoyed by it. She'd still hate it mind you

I don't know, maybe she is jealous. I don't see that there's anything to be jealous about. It's just how I am. My Mum taught me to sew/knit/crochet as a kid so I've always done it. Different strokes for different folks

OP posts:
Pincushion20 · 01/06/2015 12:51

Even if she is jealous, surely it would be better to say 'I wish someone had taught me to knit!' rather than telling you you're not normal.

For what it's worth, it's really, really normal in my family to be taught to craft. And among my friends for that matter. The only one who doesn't is my sister, who is grateful for whatever is made for her children, and who is a genius in other ways (she can tutor my kids maths where I can't. It would never occur to me to tell her her maths skills are not normal).

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 01/06/2015 12:59

I'm another that likes to make so my dcs have something unique (if not always appreciated...)
It isn' t always a money saver though, tenner plus on good yarn and weeks of labour for a little sweater, when Asda sell something similar for a fiver.
I frequently get asked to make another one for friends but they quickly back off when I tell them to supply the materials, just going to a woolshop is too much effort but they expect me to put in umpteen hours of work.

Gullygirl · 01/06/2015 13:08

Make her one of these.....

to make 'stuff'
Gullygirl · 01/06/2015 13:19

Tinkle, I'm another one who loves craft.
I can't crochet unfortunately, I really want that doily! But I do knit - my boys aren't much into knitted clothing, but they love their Minecraft beanies that I made and fight over my rainbow coloured afghan.
Their friends have requested and had made my handknit stuff.
If it makes you happy and your kids happy, do what you love.

Stealthsquiggle · 01/06/2015 13:25

Another vote for you having made her feel inferior/ put her on the defensive.

Not only do my DC like the stuff I make them but so do their friends. I make bags/pencil cases for DC whose parties mine go to, which could easily be stuffed into the back of a cupboard or binned, and yet the school is awash with them in daily use, which tends to imply that my DC, like yours, OP, are not going to be laughing stocks.

I do like the idea of a rag rug. Don't you have to spend endless hours cutting stuff up before you get to the mindless in-front-of-the-TV bit, though [suspicious]?

uglyswan · 01/06/2015 13:39

OP, you sound like my mum. She used to make us clothes, toys, rag rugs, you name it. She would involve us in choosing patterns and colours, show us the techniques, and get us all excited in how the work was progressing. It was brilliant. We had custom made clothes - made according to our very own specifications! Is your friend generally this aggressively conformist? And can I swap you an incredibly fancy pair of hand-knitted socks for a fuck-off ragrug?

5hell · 01/06/2015 13:41

some people are just oddly passionately for/against somethings...perhaps she has an irrational hatred of crafts, or at best was having a really shit day and snapped. we had a surprisingly heated discussion about frozen vegetables at work recently - people can get ott about the oddest things!

if she's otherwise a good friend, forgive her, give her another chance and enjoy your crafting in peace :)

BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/06/2015 13:50

I really want to make a rag rug after reading this thread!!

What sort of fabric do I need?
Could someone do a link to the right sort for a total, but keen novice :)

CaptainSwan · 01/06/2015 13:57

Are you in London?? Can I come and craft with you in your summer house?!

She's a cow

Moreisnnogedag · 01/06/2015 14:00

You could make her this

to make 'stuff'
PintOfJohnSmiths · 01/06/2015 14:00

Your "friend" is a prick.

KittiesInsane · 01/06/2015 14:05

Dammit, Tinkle, I appear to have bought myself a latch hook now. I blame Amazon 1-click.

I'm going to have to give it to DD for her birthday to make a rug, aren't I?

HellonHeels · 01/06/2015 14:07

She's a cah!

I also now want to make a rag rug but I will resist. I'd also like to come along to the Summerhouse Craft sessions if you're in London Grin

Girlwhowearsglasses · 01/06/2015 14:22

I think making a rag rug for your daughter is lovely!

I think it's a background thing. I may be overthinking but if you grew up in a certain type of working class- but aspirational- background you'd want to stay as far away from 'make do and mend' or home made as possible. I had friends who scorned anything homemade as a teenager (I'm very crafty but I'd never have made them anything as a present because it wouldn't be as 'good' as a bought version). The catchet of a branded Disney rug is valued over home made with love. It's he modern equivalent of making your own dress on a Saturday as our parents did in the 69s and 70s versus those of them who could afford to go and buy something from a boutique.

It's weird because nowadays it's probably more expensive to buy he materials to make a dress than to buy from Top Shop. The world turned upside down.

Keep it up - love to see the rug

yakari · 01/06/2015 14:32

You remind me of my friend who when I was in her house and admired a rug she'd made said "oh the children wanted to make rain one day, so we painted these sheets with blue and I made a rug" I was sort of Shock Hmm Envy Grin all at once. My kids would never want to make rain and if they did it would be actual water flowing through the house, more like a flood, and if by some miracle they did make nice rain I'd never ever think of making it into a rug much less know how to do it.
I am continually in awe of my friend. So yah for the rug. I reckon it will be fabulous

uglyswan · 01/06/2015 14:37

Girls - that's an excellent point. OP, do you think your crafting has triggered some lingering anxiety left over from growing up in a family where everything was homemade and mended because buying new things simply wasn't an option? It might explain (but certainly not excuse) your friend's OTT and aggressive reaction.

hiddenhome · 01/06/2015 16:04

It doesn't matter whether it's her taste it not, trust me, she's jealous.

You should dump her and make some nice craft loving folk.

spanky2 · 01/06/2015 16:14

I took my friend to the dressmaking department to get material for some trousers I was going to make. I have also knitted my own jumper. She announced loudly 'why on earth would anyone make their own clothes? They're so much more expensive !' They aren't as I have 100% wool jumper and one off designs. But I realised she likes people to know and recognise she is wearing white stuff and fat face. The same with your friend, rude and talentless! Take pride that you have made your dd an exclusive one off design.

MaxPepsi · 01/06/2015 16:15

Tinkle

One of my most treasured possessions is a rug my mum made for me waaaaay back in the 70's. One of those, hook the wool through the corresponding coloured bit of the backing type thing.

It's massive, obviously a childs rug and it has pride of place on my landing because I want it no where near the dog or the fire in case of damage

I LOVE it and would seriously give anyone a right mouthful if they so much as slagged it off. It was made with love, my mum's love!