to make 'stuff'

[Tinklewinkle]

I had a bit of a...I wouldn't call it an argument really...with a friend last night. I know I shouldn't let it upset me, or pay it any attention, but I've been stewing on it a bit and I am quite upset about it.

I've been hunting for a rug for DD's bedroom, but we couldn't really find anything that DD liked, was the size we wanted and wasn't silly £££.

I like craft (sewing, knitting, crochet, etc) and find sitting still in front of the TV quite hard so need something to fiddle with and usually knit or crochet. I've just made some granny square blankets and am over knitting at the moment, so I thought I'd have a go at making a rag rug. It's the ultimate in mindless craft, I can do a bit each evening with one eye on Eastenders and not have to concentrate on it too much.

Anyway, friends were over last night, their kids play with ours, we get a takeaway and usually have a nice evening. Friend came in and clocked the half done rug folded up over the arm of the sofa.

She asked what I was making now, with a bit of eye rolling, said I was having a go at making a rag rug, she was a bit "oh, FFS " I just laughed it off, and said "oh, you know what I'm like" and left it at that

A bit later she bought the subject of the rug up again and had a huge go at me about it. "Why can't I just buy a rug like normal people?", that I'm making my kids a laughing stock with all the handmade stuff "what's wrong with Disney Princess/Frozen/whatever stuff", why do I always have to be different and that it's intensely irritating that I'm so arty farty about everything

I said that I enjoyed making stuff and the kids had never complained about anything I'd made them (I don't make clothes, I'm rubbish at dress making, but I like messing about with stuff like bunting and cushions and house-y guff)

Initially, I was a bit "fuck off and mind your own business" but like I say, I've been stewing a bit and am a bit upset by it. It feels like a huge criticism of me if that makes sense. And, the kids/laughing stock comment has cut a bit.

Take no notice ! Cheeky cow.
You are making unique lovely things.
I wish I was more crafty I do.

Ha, classic jealousy. Just ignore her talentless arse and keep making stuff.
I am also very crafty in that sense, but I love knitting mittens, hats and neckwarmers. My latest interest has been sewing though. Made myself fucking bloody gorgeous bolero jacket and custom faux leather fabrics set for my daughters bugaboo. I feel so proud about being able to make things like that and I think you should be proud too.

I knit my own socks. Lots of comments about that! My aim is to have only handknitted socks, but am a way off that yet. And then people say "ooh, can you knit me a pair?" No concept of how long it takes. The yarn for my current pair cost me £20, not to mention the time involved!

tinkle I think you can see from this thread that there are lots of either crafters or craft lovers on here! Your friend is in the minority! I crochet and knit well and sew a bit too and I love it. I crochet blankets for family and friends babies and last year I made my niece butterfly bunting for her room. She loves it and when it went up she said she would not have nightmares anymore as she had butterflies above her head - and she hasn't!

Crafting is a gift. I bet your rug is lovely and will be treasured for many years. I've no idea why your friend had a go at you, and I know you don't think she is jealous, but it sounds like she is. She may not be jealous of your craft, but it might be your happy home / the time you make to craft / your relationship....anything. It sounds like she wanted to have a pop at you and this was her way of doing it.

I would have poked her in the eye with a crochet hook. what a dickhead
OP take no notice. Handmade things are appreciated and she is probably just jealous.
maybe it's time to make new friends?
(I don't mean literally though! )

I think some people are just really unconfident in their own opinions and tastes and need external validation of their choices. They will only buy something if they know it's fashionable, or they've seen it recommended in a magazine. They put a lot of faith in brands. My MIL is a lot like this.

If you took away all the magazines, and the advertising and told them they could have anything they wanted - they just had to imagine it - I wonder how some people would respond? Without anyone to tell them what they wanted, would they really know?

If you rely on external sources to guide your tastes, rather than listening to your own instincts, it must feel rather threatening to find someone who not only knows what they want, but is happy to make it for themselves.

Am I reading too much into this?

spanky, I once bought a White Stuff shift dress (at a knockdown price) just so I could pull it apart for the pattern to make a similar. Then I realised it was so simple I could just draft the pattern myself - and the one I drafted fits and looks way better than the ready to wear one...

At the moment have some beautiful dark blue linen that is waiting to be turned into another shift dress - last week I got a stack of brand new pure wool and linen cloth from a granny's stash at a car boot for a tenner the lot!

Used this site to help me draft it:

www.fabrics-store.com/blog/2011/11/10/linen-shift-dress/

It's great walking round in clothes made to fit you, that are one-offs.

I'd feel sorry for her rather than having a go, she doesn't sound like she has a lot of joy in her life, and she doesn't find it easy to have fun. If she doesn't add anything to your life then you don't need to spend time with her, but I think some of these replies are harsh.
I'm a crafter too and someone has said similar stuff to me. In her case though it comes from a deep seated issue with her very poor background (similar to mine actually) where she never had anything new, things were always second hand or home made, and not really with love, She hates all that stuff because it makes her feel like that kid again. I just feel sorry for her.
I don't know, OP, maybe your friend is an utter cowbag, But maybe she's not.

Op I've only read your initial post so sorry if it's a repeat of over 100 messages but I'm 30 years old and I still have the huge oversized wooly jumper my mum knit for me when I was 16, and a little patchwork floor cushion she made for me at that time too. I wouldn't dream of getting rid of them , ever!
I wish I could make stuff for my dds!

Well, this thread's been more thought-provoking than I expected!

I am quite craft-averse. A lot of it comes from the make-do-and-mend childhood thing that others have mentioned. Also, while I have a good eye and can appreciate a cleverly-created 'ditsy' home, it's not my style and never will be. That might be historic, too, come to think of it - I'm old enough that my grandmothers were all quilted up in lace and flower prints.

But I can make things. I do it if I can't find or afford what I want, but can get the materials. Since I'm poor and not working, I should be doing more of it - I'd need a new sewing machine, though! The story your "friend" reminded me of, Tinkle, is about my wedding dress. I made it, obvs. Afterwards, loads of people said how much they'd liked it ... and "it didn't look home-made" It really tickled me because all the best wedding dresses are home-made: just not in the bride's home! That thought seemed to rock their expensive little worlds

I have no idea what they were expecting.

I usually find that most people who are critical of 'craft' are those that have no idea (or interest) in making anything themselves. They've usually got themselves so convinced that they are 'far too busy' to do anything like that or they think that it won't look 'perfect' so they don't even attempt it.

It's quite possible that they have never learned how things are made and/or never thought about it. There are a fair few people around who don't know how to make food, let alone curtains & coffee tables.

Your friend sounds strange. I don't do crafts, but admire those who do. The world would be a boring matchy matchy place if we didn't have artists creating their original works to brighten the world. Ignore her.

Contrary to quite a few posters on here, I don't think she's jealous at all.
Rude, certainly.

But from the way you've described her here at least, she sounds like she has not only very different tastes to yours, OP but also values. And that's what puzzles me - how come you would be friends with someone who has such a different set of values to your own.

I too dont think it's about jelousy. People like to have their choices validated by those people they like and respect. But you are not doing this for her.
Infact you are substantially demonstrating different values.

In this one act you are saying.

I am not interested in the cost of items.
I am not dictated to by advertising.
I do not select products based on brand values.
I love my children continuously through deeds as well as thought, I create things for them which will be heirloom quality. (This is a bit complex but if you can imagine your daughter handling this rug fondly as she puts it in her own child's nursery ?)
I don't find television all that interesting.
I choose to spend my time learning, loving and moving my family forward.

So that's what your friend saw when you made this rug..its a set of values which substantially undermine modern consumerism. It may well substantially undermine her own choices.
Result = anger.

Thanks all!

It was originally our DHs who were friends, they met through a hobby several years and became friends, and as time went on our families got to know each other, our kids are around the same ages and get on well so we've kind of fallen in together. I call her a friend, but she's not really my friend if that makes sense.

She and I don't spend huge amounts of time together on our own, we've had a few shopping trips together, a few nights out and the festival last year (I always go with some friends and she asked if she could come too, she knows my other friends) but we usually only see each other with our families.

She sounds horrible here, but now I'm not so upset with her, I do have to be fair. She's usually lovely, this was a bit out of the blue really. She has always made digs at me, but I've always taken it as a bit of light hearted ribbing and have given as good as I've got, but this was quite nasty and the dig about making the kids a laughing stock really hit home. Took the wind out of my sails a bit

This maybe a bit deep and meaningful for a wet and windy Tuesday morning, but I know she didn't, and still doesn't have the best relationship with her parents. They weren't poor so I don't think it's an aversion to squeaky knitted jumpers, but she wasn't/isn't close with them, so I wonder if it's to do with the whole passing down of family traditions thing. My mum taught me to sew, my grandmother taught me to knit. I still have the advent calendar my Mum made me when I was 8, and have made them for my own daughters, I've taught my daughters to knit (although teaching DD2 exhausted my patience ). She didn't have that kind of relationship with her mum if that makes sense. I don't know.

I'm not so fussed about the whole unique aspect of having homemade stuff, for me, I just enjoy making things and love seeing stuff that I have in my head come to life, the whole process of figuring out how to make something and the sense of achievement when it works. Although, I did get ridiculously precious about my children's knitted blankets when one of DD1's friend's mum asked me to make one for her DD. They took bloody months, I made my own patterns, no fucking way was I making someone the same thing .

Sorry, x-posted Darkness

DH said they know the price of everything and the value of nothing so I think there's that to a certain extent.

I've made knitted granny square blankets for my girls, they're themed to them, their favourite things, favourite colours, I've sewn little beads and charms they've collected into them. I hope they'll keep them for years, snuggle under them on their first night in their own houses, and tuck their own children into bed with them. Maybe they won't, maybe they'll get skipped at the first opportunity, but that's up to them. DD1 still insists on taking hers to Scout camp, she took it on her year 6 school residential, DD2 takes hers on sleepovers. I think for them, it's a little bit of home when they're away

Yes, I could have just gone out and bought a Frozen/whatever fleecy blanket - and I have no problem with stuff like that, we've owned our fair share of that kind of thing - (and half way through making them, I was beginning to wish I had ), but I got a lot of pleasure (if much swearing) out of making them, there are memories and (ponce alert ) a lot of love in them

With every project I think there's always a point where you go 'effing hell why didn't I just buy something'. Mine recently was cutting 500+ 2.5" squares and then realising to make 2.5" half square triangle blocks they'd need to be bigger. Ffs.

I don't think jealous is the right word if you have a creative heart, you have a creative heart and it's hard to explain that. How many craters flit between one craft and another and can be in raptures at craft fayres without ever wanting to do the craft we are looking at?

Some people just have different hearts and they don't get it... There is nothing wrong with that just as there is nothing wrong with being creative.

As long as we live and let live. Your friend WBU for saying something you are not for making things.

Life is never too short to make things but life is always far too short to sneer at any choice someone else makes

You are right, she is wrong. A handmade-by-mum item is best, unless its a knitted swimsuit (my grandma's speciality) or a vest to wear under your party dress on a night out.

You aren't 'inflicting this shit' on your children - you're demonstrating for them in practical ways how much you love them and how you are prepared to put your own effort into doing things. In years to come, these are the things they won't be able to bear to throw away. You're setting a good example. Well done.

Gilrack - car boot sales are a great source of cheap, vintage sewing machines. I'm using one right now I got for £15 - a 1902 Singer, so it's very, very pretty (although heavy as a boat anchor). My husband was sewing last night on a 1902 Jones machine we got for £11. Just saying. ;o)

Oh, I'm a horror for flitting from one thing to another.

I've always got several things on the go at once. I also get very carried away.

I made bunting for DD2's room, had some left over fabric and thought a patchwork quilt for her bed would look ace, then the rag rug, and now I want to make some ragged cushions. Then DH's little sister announced she's pregnant, so I've started a baby quilt for her, then I discovered some instructions for chalkboard bunting and though, well, I've absolutely got to do that.

It will all get done eventually but the rag rug is so easy and it's warm and snuggly on my lap so it's my current favourite

I had started a big cable knit blanket for the living room, but it takes about a year to do a row, so I've got bored of it and put it away

Plus, my current obsession is lace making after talking to a lovely lady at a craft fair. I've got as far as ordering lots of books from Amazon and bending DH's ear a lot (which has pleased him no end)

Oh, and a minging orange pine dresser that took my fancy in a charity shop is awaiting my attention, but all that sanding

I don't really know where I'm going to put it, or what I'm going to do with it or why I even bought it, so I'm waiting for inspiration (my excuse and I'm sticking to it)

I hate sanding too I have two pine bedside tables from the local charity shop currently goading me from my kitchen table. I started one, got covered in dust and decided to wait until I can do it outside.

Think I'm going to just sand the varnish off and then wax then to go with the other brown piece of furniture in the room boring

It's the sanding that's putting me off.

I live by the sea and love that driftwood/sun bleached look to furniture, but this dresser is that horrible orange pine.

Or, I could just take enough of the varnish off to paint it.

But, I don't really know where it's going to go, or quite what to do with it. It was a bit of an impulse purchase but I can't bear to get rid of it so it's sitting in the garage giving me looks every time I go out there