to make 'stuff'

[Tinklewinkle]

I had a bit of a...I wouldn't call it an argument really...with a friend last night. I know I shouldn't let it upset me, or pay it any attention, but I've been stewing on it a bit and I am quite upset about it.

I've been hunting for a rug for DD's bedroom, but we couldn't really find anything that DD liked, was the size we wanted and wasn't silly £££.

I like craft (sewing, knitting, crochet, etc) and find sitting still in front of the TV quite hard so need something to fiddle with and usually knit or crochet. I've just made some granny square blankets and am over knitting at the moment, so I thought I'd have a go at making a rag rug. It's the ultimate in mindless craft, I can do a bit each evening with one eye on Eastenders and not have to concentrate on it too much.

Anyway, friends were over last night, their kids play with ours, we get a takeaway and usually have a nice evening. Friend came in and clocked the half done rug folded up over the arm of the sofa.

She asked what I was making now, with a bit of eye rolling, said I was having a go at making a rag rug, she was a bit "oh, FFS " I just laughed it off, and said "oh, you know what I'm like" and left it at that

A bit later she bought the subject of the rug up again and had a huge go at me about it. "Why can't I just buy a rug like normal people?", that I'm making my kids a laughing stock with all the handmade stuff "what's wrong with Disney Princess/Frozen/whatever stuff", why do I always have to be different and that it's intensely irritating that I'm so arty farty about everything

I said that I enjoyed making stuff and the kids had never complained about anything I'd made them (I don't make clothes, I'm rubbish at dress making, but I like messing about with stuff like bunting and cushions and house-y guff)

Initially, I was a bit "fuck off and mind your own business" but like I say, I've been stewing a bit and am a bit upset by it. It feels like a huge criticism of me if that makes sense. And, the kids/laughing stock comment has cut a bit.

How bizarre! It seems such a strange reaction. It does sound like she's jealous or insecure. But as you say your tastes are different, then what's it got to do with her? It seems so odd. If she's just not interested in rag rugs surely she wouldn't comment, other than a polite 'oh that's nice' sort of thing.

Maybe she's jealous of your talents? So even if she'd choose a completely different look for her own home, maybe she's jealous that she hasn't got your skills?

I know I certainly am. I've been looking round our house, and the dc's bedrooms wondering how to make it more homely. Frankly I'm crap at that sort of thing, so would love to be able to do the things you've done.

She doesn't sound like a friend to me.

She might not want to make stuff herself, or like the style of the stuff you make, but that still doesn't mean she's not jealous of your ability or resentful of the pleasure you get from making it. Or the pleasure the people you make it for get from it.

Some people are weird like that. I can think of one person in particular who really seems to resent the fact that I enjoy reading for the pleasure of it. They can't help but comment, every time they see me, even if I'm not reading at the time. There's just something about me being able to sit and enjoy a book for no other reason that that I want to that just pisses them off. I don't understand them, they're just so irrationally annoyed by it.

I think your friend might be like that person, resenting whatever joy it is that you get out of what you do, just because you enjoy it and she can't understand it.

She also sounds like a bit of a snob, the type at school who would pick on people for having something homemade or off the market rather then from a 'proper' shop the same as everybody else.

I make stuff as well. I'm a happy amateur, it's slow going, it's not perfect, but everyone I've made something for has been happy and pleased to receive it, and I know I've given them something unique and made especially for them. Including DS, who loves the things I make for him but who also gets his fair share of Disney/Branded crap as well I'd be very about a friend bitching about me making something instead of buying it.

Ignore her OP, in the words of someone from MN, she needs to give her head a wobble.

I love to craft and think there is nothing nicer than giving/receiving a gift that has been lovingly handmade - so much more effort has been put into making an individual item as opposed to spending money on shop bought items that thousands of others will also have.

I make homemade gifts for people and they are well received but I did have one friend who, when I gave her daughter two hand made cushions (which she loved incidentally) said 'well I can't do things like that - I just don't have the time' and it wasn't said in a nice way either. I think she felt that as my gift hadn't cost lots of money (but it certainly had my time) that it wasn't a proper gift.

Like others have said, you friend is clearly jealous of your talent. Don't let it knock your confidence and keep on making!

What a rude idiot your friend is.
I bet your kids love having you make them something so lovely and unique.
It's much more special knowing someone cares about you enough to invest their time rather than their money in you.

Thanks all!

Sorry I didn't come back last night, ended up having Sunday roast in the pub

I think your friend might be like that person, resenting whatever joy it is that you get out of what you do, just because you enjoy it and she can't understand it.

I think this is right to be honest. DH refers to her as the fun police. She is quite serious and struggles with fun. We went to a music festival last year in a larger group. Yes, quite a lot of alcohol was involved, but we all had a blast, danced and generally had a whale of a time. She seemed to hate the fact that we all let our hair down and had fun. I know music festivals aren't everyone's cup of tea, but she insisted she wanted to come, and we didn't camp there. She just couldn't have fun

I do get a lot of pleasure from crafting. DH used to work from home and we converted an old summer house into his office. He changed jobs last year and I have now commandeered the summer house into my craft cave. It makes me smile whenever I go in there. It's how I'd decorate my house if I didn't have to share it with my DH and I absolutely love it. DH made me a little wooden frame to hang spools of ribbon on and it's ridiculous how much I love it, she was decidedly about it. I'm totally addicted to pretty fabric and flowery bunting and want to die out there .

She just doesn't get it, and that's totally fine. I really don't care what other people do in their own time, so I'm not quite so sure why she should care about what I get up to. She doesn't like cushions, etc, and Etsy is her idea of hell all wrapped up as a website. That's also fine. Her house isn't to my taste, my house isn't to hers. Who cares?

Maybe she's just secretly terrified I'll make her something

Anyway, had a bit of a bitch about it with DH last night and feeling much happier about it all today. It's weird how little things can have such an affect on your confidence.

Another one who wants to make a rag rug here. adds to ridiculously long project list

Hold you head up high op.

I think a lot of it is insecurity from her. I have a friend who's children (teens) are kitted head to toe in designer gear, house is all minimalistic and very expensive. She makes a point of telling everyone how much it costs. She regularly makes digs at me that I make things. She can't understand when I wanted bunting I made it instead of spending £20 a metre on it.

A few years a go we were skint so I made hampers for the parents - slow gin, handmade chocolates, cookies, jams, etc. I decorated it lovely and gave it to the parents. Every year they now ask me for a hamper for Christmas, friend asks me when I am going to get them a 'real' gift.

Oh and as for the 'I don't have time' that they seem to spew out. I don't craft until my children are in bed. I'm sat on the sofa the same as you watching corrie it's just I have a crochet hook/needles/fabric in my hand.

Keep going OP and next time please challenge her.

huge apologies to anyone who has now wasted an entire day farting about with rag rugs on Pinterest and has added to their already ridiculously long project lists (mine is as long as my arm, and I'm now trying to figure out how I can make a matching rag rugged but soft and snuggly seat for DD's bedroom chair)

she can't understand when I wanted bunting I made it instead of spending £20 a metre on it

I think this is where she's coming from, and why she thinks I'm tight.

I remember Christmas shopping with her a couple of years ago and we were in a gift shop type place and I was looking at an appliquéd camper van cushion and it was about £45. The VW badge was wonky, some of the stitching was coming undone, the cushion was sewn inside the cover so you couldn't take it out to wash it, and I just thought, I could make it myself much better, for half the price, in exactly the fabric and colours I want, so didn't buy it. She was a bit "oh, just buy it, who has the time? life is too short"

The same with bunting. My fabric shop sells fat quarters for a quid, why would I spend £15/20 on bunting, when I can make it myself, in exactly the fabric and colours I want for a fiver?

She said she finds it intensely irritating that I don't just buy it "like normal people".

I wish I was good at making stuff. I'm the opposite of crafty. I tried so hard to make a blanket when my DSis was pregnant with her first, beautiful lemon and mint wool. It was a disaster. Luckily our granny knits stunning blankets. It's like knitting needles and crochet hooks and sewing machines are allergic to me. I want to make bunting and a hula hoop fort for DD's room when we move but it won't be good.

I had a point somewhere. Erm, YANBU and this woman is not a friend. Friends celebrate each other's hard work.

She's not a friend, she's an unimaginative twat

Ooh, hula hoop fort....

She'd be too old for one now anyway wouldn't she?

She said she finds it intensely irritating that I don't just buy it "like normal people".

Some might say that it is 'normal' to make exactly what you want for less money rather than spend more on worse quality from a shop. If everyone was like you OP there would be less landfill :)

It just comes down to how much enjoyment you get out of crafting something, and your time/ money equation. I don't enjoy crafting and have more spare money than spare time so I buy things. But of course I wouldn't criticise someone with different priorities, in fact I would be impressed!

Frankly some people geet crafting and being crafty and others don't. If you get pleasure from it go for it and stuff her. The fact that she clearly doesn't appreciate it and would rather have new stuff that these days doesn't last 5 minutes before looking fit for the bin is her issue - just buy her cards/prenets and don't look back. As for being a friend well, least said soonest mended and personally i wouldn't bother with her again in the future.

Rx

Another craft nut and yes I have a half made rug in the cupboard along with a whole craft room (15ft square, wall to wall craft stuff, sewing machines, plotter cutters, die cutters, stamps, paper, fabric and pretty much anything else I like doing) and yes I also work and have a child etc etc

I wonder if she is an undiagnosed Aspie - not getting the emotional element of crafting and joy of creativity and being unable to empathise with you

I've not read the while thread, but ... First of all - you are me!! I often make things because I can't find quite what I want, or (more often) I can't afford it. Secondly, your friend is a cow. I'd be offended too. I have friends who have hobbies i don't "get", but I dont make fun of them. Luckily, my friends are lovely and compliment my efforts.

Now ... what my children NEED is rag rugs for their rooms. Never tried it, if it's as easy as you say, I'll give it a go. Once I've finished painting the dining room, the tapestry vw cushion for dh's study and a wedding present x stitch).

She sounds a delight. My best friend and I are both crafty and are constantly making projects for our homes/kids/each other/every child we know. We have both had lots of compliments on things we've made, but equally there's always one who looks at you like you're mad. A girl I went to uni with was visibly speechless with astonishment when I was delighted to receive a beading loom for Christmas one year.

I tend to reply with a breezy "This way I get exactly what I want" and wonder what went wrong that they see no problem spending their entire salary in the Superdry store but think I'm mad for knitting myself a scarf/putting my heart and soul into a baby gift.

That's a friend I'd drop like a hot cake, TBH. Preferably a home baked hot cake.

I didn't know the world still has those 1970s' people who think everything 'homemade' = inferior. These days people love artisan this, and craftsman-made that...

But then all my friends tend to be fellow crafters, I guess! I knit, dress-make and am currently working flat out to make a king sized patchwork throw from leftovers of woollen fabric (living history person so I have a lot of leftover pure wool!) And I write for US craft magazines - which have huge and growing readerships, mainly women in their 20s and 30s, too. So I guess people like your friend are getting rare in the wild. Check out the size of Craftsy, Etsy, Ravelry - you are not alone! There are millions of people learning to make things rather than buy things which frankly are often made by child labour in sweat shops, anyway.

Continue rag rugging. Maybe embroider her a cushion with a few choice words of it for xmas. I so would.

I was a kid in the 60s and there were lots of houses down our street with rag rugs in - they were works of art, something I'd love to learn. Good on you!

I think some people have the attitude that new is always better, bought is always better, and the more money you throw at things the better.

My mum and grandma's generation lots of things were home made, mended rather than replaced. My peers and younger seem to think that making your own stuff = poor, buying shows you have money. Things are bought and disposed of rapidly. Shopping is a hobby for its of people.

It sounds like o/p's friend has been brought up with the mindset that only new is good enough, and making yourself is just showing you don't have the money to buy. I've seen it many times- how often do people refuse second hand baby stuff because only new is good enough for pfb, and only giving the child everything materially shows how much they love them.

She has the attitude that your kids are running round in rags, deprived and unloved because you don't spend as much money on them.

I don't blame you for being upset OP - how nasty of her!

I'm a keen knitter and love making stuff for my kids. I am very conscious though - as a PP said - that I do it because it's fun for me, not because I expect them to be appreciative (they're 5 and 2), and I don't force them to wear things I've made or to thank me for them. They both have ALL the tat as well.

I don't discuss my crafting much with friends - I might mention it if somebody asks me where I bought something that I'd made - so don't invite comments on the kinds of things I'm doing. I do meet up with a group of knitting friends once a week though so that I can drone on about patterns and projects and yarn.

But even if somebody thought I was inflicting my hobby on my children or thought I was boring on about it, I would still think they were incredibly rude to talk to me in that way.

There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. Your kids are old enough to say if they don't want you to make things for them. You just keep on with whatever makes you happy.

I couldn't be friends with such a mean-spirited, rude cow.

You sound like my mum. And that is a very high compliment: the woman can hand-make anything, I swear.

Friend is a twat. And Disney stuff is ugly tack.

HTH.

I know exactly where you're coming from. I've got one of those friends too - she saw my knitting bag the other day, rolled her eyes and said 'Oh what are you LIKE?!". I bit my tongue (again) but later on in the conversation, she did say that she felt like she didn't have any hobbies of her own outside the children. I didn't point out the irony...

The crafting cave sounds lovely by the way...

Clearly you need to applique her a cushion for christmas/birthday with the MN quote ODFOD

I'm currently half way through making one christmas gift a month, pinterest is my best friend

Ooh, do I want my kids to be dressed in nasty, acrylic, stupidly flammable, scratchy, overpriced Disney shite or beautiful, natural fibres lovingly handmade by a relative? Tough choice!

My mum & I are both crafters, my PFB (due in 3 weeks) already has a wardrobe and room full of lovely, unique things we've both made (oh how I love bamboo yarn!). He even has a hand-printed Batman t-shirt. It's not all patched corduroys and flower print bell bottoms these days...

I wonder if your 'friend' would be so dismissive if you had bought said artisan, organic, eco-friendly rag rug from a posh boutique for £££s?

My 20 and 21 year olds are constantly besieged by their mates, in the winter, for the fingerless gloves I knit them. And the clothes horse/fashion obsessed 20 year old nagged me into knitting him a handspun jumper for xmas, last year! I'd assumed anything I made would embarrass my kids - but as they get older, they actually ask for it! My oldest son has worn to pieces a jumper I knitted him two christmasses ago. (That said, my younger two sons wouldn't be seen dead in anything that doesn't have 'Liverpool FC' emblazoned across it....)

I'd imagine the readymade stuff OP's friend likes so much is largely made by kids who are the age they should be watching those films/TV shows - the more cheap, imported tat in our shops, the more people are turning to making unique things for themselves.